Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

999 replies

WhenIsBedtime · 06/03/2013 09:59

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

OP posts:
5madthings · 07/03/2013 10:51

Fgs people read the thread. She gets up at 5:30am!! Her child has sen's meaning she is thrown by things like a motorbike driving past.

Op i really think they could just let you in a little earlier and then you can wait in the playground with her until line up time. The very small window between gated opening and going in is what is causing the problem.

Oh and if a teacjer can see a child running across the playground to get to their line then waiting 30secs is not a big deal if it prevents a meltdown which would then create a much bigger delay.

Well done for sticking with the thread op and i hope some of it is useful, hope todays drop off was ok and the school were helpful xx

5madthings · 07/03/2013 10:54

cornishsue if you read the thread the op cannot leave earlier as the gates are locked and her dd cannot cope with waiting by a busy road until they open them.

She gets up at 5:30am fgs!!!

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 10:54

You know the ones who don't read the thread and pile in but then come back Blush to apologise, well fair enough. It's the ones who don't even bother to reply after being told what knobs they are being that are on MY Shit List Smile.

persimmon · 07/03/2013 10:56

Maybe they are weeping silently in a corner..?

mumat39 · 07/03/2013 11:01

Akaemmafrost, I completely agree with you.

The 'I wish you well' followed by a BUT 'If you don't want my opinion, don't ask for it!', attitude really sucks! Its just not supportive at all! Maybe AIBU should be changed to 'Come here if you want to be judged by people with no empathy whatsoever'

Whenisitbedtime, good luck today with the head! It's great that the staff have all been sent to a course on managing children with SN, but that should hav been the start of their learning, not the end of it. You are not asking for anything unreasonable at all, and the school need to get over the fact that your DD is the only SN child. They need to start accommodating her differences and including and helping her. You both deserve all the support and help you can get. (((()))) xxxx

5madthings · 07/03/2013 11:02

Actually i dont yhink they are. Well done to those thar have apologised but i think some people just enjoy kicking someone when they are down.

BlackStiltonBoots · 07/03/2013 11:03

I have read this thread in Shock some of the responses have been vile.

WhenIs you are trying your best in what quite clearly is a difficult situation. Your responses on here do you proud IMO, and I really hope that your meeting with the head went well.

I never understood before this thread why some posters say they don't like to post outside the Special Needs board. It is incredibly sad. AIBU doesn't give people licence to kick others when they are down. Surely we can all have a bit of compassion for an OP who is asking for help?

And for the love of God, if a thread is so many pages long there is bound to be more info from the OP, so highlight OP's posts and RTFT!

cornishsue · 07/03/2013 11:05

I am sorry you think I have not read the thread, akaemmafrost. I DO understand the problem with the busy road - honestly. One of my children cannot cope with waiting near other people and throws himself on the pavement should anyone be waiting nearby, let alone any unexpected sounds from the traffic. On reflection it is probably a lot easier for me as I am in a vehicle myself and I apologise again for being judgemental.

QuietNinjaTardis · 07/03/2013 11:15

Am laughing my socks off at poo head! At least persimmon apologised. Even after that outrageous insult. Grin

Lafaminute · 07/03/2013 11:17

Lateness may happen but usually as a rare incidence. My dc have never been late for school. I would consider it to be rude to the teacher to not turn up on time.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2013 11:18

Are there many primary schools that don't let the parents and children into the playground until just before school? I realise that, as ds3 (my youngest) is nearly 16, my primary school playground days are a while ago, but I have never heard of a school doing this, and I think it is a deeply unreasonable thing for them to do - for all the children, not just for When's.

Letting them in earlier means they can have a good run around and let off some steam before going into class, and surely that has been proven to be good for them. And it means that they can get some chattering and socialising done too, before going into class where they have to be quiet and concentrate.

The primary school my dses went to in Essex, did something very different to what the OP's school does. They were worried about the number of parents in the playground, and the potential for unknown adults to come in with them, and they thought that so many adults, plus all the younger siblings, made the playground a not-terribly-safe place to play - too many people meant more risk when children were running around. So they decided that they didn't want parents in the playground at all, in the mornings.

They posted a teacher on each of the gates, and the parents said goodbye there, and the children went into the playground, where they were supervised until the bell went. Iirc, the gates were open from about 8.30, but it may have been a bit later (it is a while ago, and my memory is not what it was). I objected to this policy when it was mooted, but when it came in, I realised what a good thing it was. The children got more space to run around in, and it made it so much easier for parents dropping off their children - especially those who had to work, or had to get somewhere else after drop-off.

The school must have been able to get this policy past Health and Safety, and the insurers so I cannot see why the OP's school can't insure their playground to be open more than 5 minutes before the bell goes.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2013 11:19

AAaaand along comes Lafaminute who clearly has not read the fucking thread. Can I call her a poo-head, please, PelvicFloor? Can I, can I can I??

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 11:38

cornishsue I hadn't actually read your post when I posted. I am sure you did read the thread Smile.

stormforce10 · 07/03/2013 11:40

OP I hope it went well with breakfast in pyjamas and getting dressed afterwards.

Ive had to skim read so may have missed it but I noticed your comments about getting dressed. Would it help to cut the labels out of her school uniform? I know its just a tiny thing but it might ease things on some mornings. Also could you talk to the school about whether they'd allow minor variations in the uniform - e.g. navy or grey instead of black so you have an alternative for your dd

Also my dd has long hair that tangles easily and sometimes runs away when I try to brush it. How is your dd about having her hair washed? I've found that if I use LOADS of conditioner 2-3 times a week it really eases the tangles and makes mornings a bit less miserable. I've also just ordered a tangle teezer as a lot of people have reported that they are a lot less painful than normal hair brushes - have a look at the reviews on amazon. They come in all sorts of different colours so maybe you could let your dd choose one and try it. DD's has not turned up yet but when it does I'll report back on whether its made a difference.

sorry if all oft his is complete rubbish I know very little about autism

Pagwatch · 07/03/2013 11:59

Persimmon
You sound like a nice old poo head Grin

Arf at 'toddler collection'

Pagwatch · 07/03/2013 12:02

I call it!

The next person who posts 'yabu. Get up earlier. My aunt with one leg, 10 children with SN and an incontinent chihuahua gets to school on time' is a massive twat with smelly armpits and a awful taste in soft furnishings.

Nur

Catsdontcare · 07/03/2013 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

hazeyjane · 07/03/2013 12:06

Can we have an undeletable poohead emoticon, I think I'd find it more satisfying than the Biscuit. Maybe a Hmm, but with a steaming turd on top?

whogiveatoss · 07/03/2013 12:09

Phew what a thread! sounds like OP is finally putting a plan in action. A lot of silly... get up earlier, leave earlier posts but it is a open forum so she should expect that especially on AIBU its a tough crowd.

Cant understand why it took so long....Confused

akaemmafrost I wonder if any body actually gives a toss that there on YOUR shit list??

is this what sahm mums do all day? bitch on here? how time consuming! But utterly Envy

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2013 12:13

I don't just bitch on here. Sometimes I take a bit of time out to neglect the housework and the dses!

Catsdontcare · 07/03/2013 12:15

erm the OP posted yesterday and has put stuff into action today how is that taking so long to do something.

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 12:18

Grin yes I give a toss, so definitely someone does.

akaemmafrost · 07/03/2013 12:19

And it's they're NOT there......tut!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/03/2013 12:19

I live in fear of finding out I am on akemmafrost's shit list. It keeps me awake at nights. But as long as I keep sending her the tenners, I think I am OK! Grin

limitedperiodonly · 07/03/2013 12:21

I can't believe people are still telling the OP to get up earlier.

I have to confess that I'm only guessing that because I've only read up to about page `12.

Swipe left for the next trending thread