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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

999 replies

WhenIsBedtime · 06/03/2013 09:59

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

OP posts:
coppertop · 06/03/2013 22:42

Are we still doing the competitive smuggery with "Well I can get my 101 children to school on time so why can't you?"

This may come as a huge shock to you, but this thread is actually about another child and not yours.

The child referred to in this particular thread has particular difficulties caused by having ASD.

I too have 4 children, including a toddler and two with ASD. And yes they get to school on time. But could I swoop in like Supernanny and get the OP's dd to her school on time? I very much doubt it.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 06/03/2013 22:44

akaemma, we did have complete hysterics and a half day tantrum about the hair cut (and fingernails for that matter) on a couple of occasions along with a child with half a hair cut for a few days (I had to learn how to cut it because there was no way a barber was going to work. We also bribed him with whatever worked (usually chocolate that he picked out and TV). It was horrid and it was still better than the daily hairbrushing saga.

akaemmafrost · 06/03/2013 22:45

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PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 06/03/2013 22:46

gimmecakeandcandy - can you read?

coppertop · 06/03/2013 22:47

Gimme - Read the thread. It will do you so much good.

GetOrf · 06/03/2013 22:48

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akaemmafrost · 06/03/2013 22:48

selfconfessed I remember being in tears at the state a barber left my ds in. His hair was utterly ridiculous. Everyone who saw him was Shock. Wasn't the barbers fault. He was sweating trying to do it.

I too learned to cut ds's hair after that debacle.

BumpingFuglies · 06/03/2013 22:48

Give the OP a break! I didn't get it to start with, as many others didn't before OP explained more. But really. PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THREAD.

MrsDeVere · 06/03/2013 22:48

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Lilka · 06/03/2013 22:49

Ugh, gimmecake how utterly stupid and silly - everyone is NOT telling her she is wrong, because we've actually bothered to read all her posts and have some understand of SN's/ASD. I suggest going back and reading, engaging the thinking brain and offering constructive advice to the OP (which does not include rehashing things that have been gone over 10 times already) or alternately leaving the thread well alone Angry

cerealqueen · 06/03/2013 22:49

RTFT Sugarplumkate - Read The fucking Thread!!

BumpingFuglies · 06/03/2013 22:49

Gimme

Read...

MrsDeVere · 06/03/2013 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 06/03/2013 22:52

You do have to wonder what people like gimme get out of posting things like that, don't you? And ultimately, you've got to feel sorry for them. Either they are so mind-numbingly bored that they think that kind of shit-stirring is fun. Or so uptight and miserable in their own lives that they get a kick out of being sanctimonious with people who are just struggling and trying to do their best in difficult situations.
Either way, it's not a state to envy. Sort yourself out, gimme. your problems are clearly a whole lot bigger than the OPs.

SminkoPinko · 06/03/2013 22:55

Do you or she know any of the older kids? It might help to ask a specific child in one of the older years who would presumably be later in the line to hold her hand as they go in, maybe? Some older children would be quite up for that, I think. Would make them feel kind and important.

Jux · 06/03/2013 23:05

Gimmecake, RTFT
sugarplumkate, same to you too.

OP, forget this thread. Go to the SN board. You're still getting shit responses from people who have no knowledge, no experience and no imagination.

YouTheCat · 06/03/2013 23:06

And no idea either.

IneedAsockamnesty · 06/03/2013 23:08

To everyone on the thread whose always on time no matter what

ASD impacts on people and families differently,I hope you feel great for practically rinsing the op feel free to collect you medals soon......

Oh wait a sec nobody gives a fuck about your kids being on time for school no matter what because different kids have different needs and issues aren't you glad you ended up with one that can showcase how bloody wonderful you are via the timekeeper method.i hope you feel suitably superior

WilsonFrickett · 06/03/2013 23:09

I once was given the advice that a wholesale change of routine was better than an incremental change... So it would be better to do something like always hand her over to a TA or take her in through the front door, rather than occasionally put up with the fall out from being late.

I just remembered that and hope op is still reading.

Oh and RTFT.

ShellyBoobs · 06/03/2013 23:12

OP, just to help yourself to have a little more rest, is there any chance the things you currently do in a morning before DD gets up could wait until after you've taken her to school?

You must be utterly shattered with that routine, although you've explained in detail why you need to do follow it. I'm just thinking that if you can't find a way to improve the situation with the arriving and lining up, at least you might feel a little better able to cope?

I'm really sorry I don't have anything more constructive to add.

You have my sympathy (and some good advice from kind and knowledgeable MNers).

Thanks
gimmecakeandcandy · 06/03/2013 23:12

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gimmecakeandcandy · 06/03/2013 23:12

there not their

IneedAsockamnesty · 06/03/2013 23:16

Gimme

Do you think it sounds like the op has much experience of the school accommodating her child's needs?

Going by the thread its unlikely.

So do be a love and stop being harsh.

mumat39 · 06/03/2013 23:17

I'm on anti depressants and posts like gimme's one makes me feel like I need a bigger dose!

I wonder if this thread could be reported so that all the idiots who posted without reading first beyond page 3 could be deleted! Seriously, AIBU should not be a kick someone when they're down type of area. MN is better than this. These sorts of replies are obviously what are being referred to when the 'Nest of vipers' term was used.

Mostly, it's women on MN, so what is wrong with just being supportive, or disagreeing without being nasty. OP started her post saying she was probably being x y and z, and some people have just got those words and completely misused them against her!

The conversation over the last few pages is much less depressing, but still we have some of those nasty comments and I can't understand why! Why do women love to put other women down so much? What is wrong with us?

What happened to not judging someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes?

PrincessFiorimonde · 06/03/2013 23:18

WhenIsBedtime
I've no advice, because no experience of similar situations, but just want to wish you the best of luck. Also to say I admired your last post, about reflecting on the advice offered by other posters. Because I wouldn't have been surprised if you'd given up on this thread really early on.

Thanks to you and to all the other parents on this thread having tough times.

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