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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

I'm probably being entitled/unreasonable, but should the teacher wait on my child?

999 replies

WhenIsBedtime · 06/03/2013 09:59

My child has high functioning autism. Attends a mainstream school. Her issues are very mild. No need for an assistant or anything.

The way it works in the school yard each morning is this:

Bell goes at 9am.
All children run to their class marks and line up.
Class teachers come out, and guide them into the building, starting with the youngest to the oldest class.

My child is in the youngest class.

Perhaps once or twice a week, we're a few minutes late. The bell has already gone and her class has lined up by the time we reach the yard. However, we're never so late that her class has already gone inside by the time we arrive. We can always see them.

The entrance gate is at the other end of the huge yard from where the children line up.

On our late days, as we arrive at the gate, the teacher has already came out. He can see my dd running towards the line, but he decides to take the class inside anyway, without waiting on her.

By the time my (very slow) daughter reaches the place her class lines up, they are already inside the building, and the other classes are going inside.

My daughter then gets really upset as she doesn't understand it's okay to go through the door without her own teacher or class. She doesn't understand she should just run ahead of the next class going in, or even join their line instead. Parents aren't normally allowed in the yard. But when this happens, i run in to her and try and convince her to go into the building. But she says "No, I'm waiting on Mr Teacher and my class."

The teacher from an older class then takes her inside for me instead.

I realise such upset/confusion for my child wouldn't happen if i was there with her before 9am every day, but lateness does happen. And other children usually run into the yard up to five minutes late, behind us, but they quite happily join on the back of another class's line. Whereas my daughter won't without a heck of a lot of protest and causing a scene.

Personally (and here's where i'm probably being unreasonable), I think dd's teacher should wait on her if he sees dd running towards him and her class in the yard. It takes no more than a minute for her to run across the yard from the gate.

Obviously, if we weren't at the gate by the time he came out to greet the class, or if we were very late, i wouldn't expect him to wait. But when he can see dd at the other end of the yard, why can't he just wait? Thus avoiding her getting upset and confused?

I've spoken to him about it before, and he says that because his class is the youngest, and goes inside first, if he was to wait, it would delay all the other classes, and it would mean he'd have to occupy his own class for an additional minute.

Just wanted to add, that the children never have to wait outside in adverse weather conditions. They're able to go straight into the building on these days, rather than line up outside and wait on a teacher.

I just don't get why he can't wait an extra minute on dd, yet it's okay for him to be several minutes late on occassion, leaving his class waiting outside, holding up the other classes.

Sorry for the ramble. I'm probably just being precious/unreasonable, but i'd appreciate some opinions.

OP posts:
GrowSomeCress · 06/03/2013 15:31

YABU... I don't quite get why you keep saying "wait on" instead of "wait for" either Grin

GrowSomeCress · 06/03/2013 15:35

Although it is a bit odd that he goes in even if she is on her way over that second Confused

ClayDavis · 06/03/2013 15:36

I don't think it's necessary though. Having her go through the front entrance 5 minutes late everyday is far more likely to mark her out as different than letting year 1 go in first while she reaches the end of the line.

Hullygully · 06/03/2013 15:36

get there on time

the end

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 06/03/2013 15:37

"Wait on" is the standard Scottish English equivalent to "wait for". Perfectly standard.

Hullygully · 06/03/2013 15:37

You know your child suffers yet are late "once or twice a week"

waltermittymissus · 06/03/2013 15:39

You say that you wish she could understand that she can join the end of another line.

I wonder if her teacher pretended the new rule was to join another line when her line has already gone, would she accept this?

GrowSomeCress · 06/03/2013 15:39

Okay, having just read more of your posts I don't really think YABU anymore... I do think there needs to be a different solution though

GrowSomeCress · 06/03/2013 15:40

mynameisnotmichaelcaine learn something new every day Smile

ClayDavis · 06/03/2013 15:44

IME that's more of a long term plan, walter. It isn't going to happen outside the school building when the child is already under stress. It can be worked on if you explained that was a rule and spent plenty of time role-playing the situation. However, it might take years to get to the point where that isn't an issue and I suspect that this problem will have resolved itself by then because her line won't be going in first anyway.

akaemmafrost · 06/03/2013 15:54

Read The Thread.

The End.

BridgetBidet · 06/03/2013 16:02

Clay, the difference is that if she goes in 5 minutes late all the other children will be in their classrooms so it will go unnoticed. Except by her class but the children in her own class will know she is ASD so they and their parents will be more inclined to be understanding. At the moment she is having meltdowns in front of the entire school and being laughed at. I really don't understand why it's necessary to put her through this. I can understand the viewpoint of the school as well, if it's done publicly in the playground other parents are going to ask for the same thing and kick off if their child isn't waited for as well and it will descend into chaos.

Plus I can understand the viewpoint of the parents in the daughters class too. I wouldn't be happy if my child was having to wait in bad weather for one child twice a week. Also their is a temptation to believe a parent was told it was okay for them to be a couple of minutes late when they lived two doors away it would turn into 4 minutes late or 5 minutes late and the other children would still be expected to wait. But if my child was in that class I wouldn't mind at all if one child slipped in late with the minimum of disruption.

BridgetBidet · 06/03/2013 16:03

*there. Duh.

eggandcress · 06/03/2013 16:16

My ds isASD but not high functioning

Have you tried a visual time table with your dd?

This can help her learn routines off by heart so you don't have to keep telling her what to do.
You basically put a strip of routine tasks(either picture or word) along a strip of velco she puts the task at the top of the strip as she is carrying it out and she puts it in the box when complete and then gets the next task and so on.

This way you are teaching her to do the tasks at her own pace and you won't feel like you are forcing her, she may like the predictability of it.
If you make it portable you can take it with you to school so she can put the card into the box once she is lined up.

It would take some time for you to establish this but may be worth trying. The school can also continue this in the classroom with school routines.

akaemmafrost · 06/03/2013 16:18

Bridget you'd be unhappy that your child had to wait one minute twice a week while a SN child who was in sight, made her away across the playground?

ClayDavis · 06/03/2013 16:22

They're not having to wait in bad weather though. In bad weather, they go straight into the classroom anyway. I've held lines for a lot less than the situation is describing. It is far less disruptive to hold the line for a few seconds than have one pupil come in later or have to deal with a meltdown, that may disrupt the child for the rest of the day.

ClayDavis · 06/03/2013 16:23

the situation the OP is describing

StuntGirl · 06/03/2013 16:27

I was going to suggest what one poster above has said; would the school be accomodating enough to open the gates to let you into the school premises early and let you wait with your daughter. Then you can take her round to line up with the other children at 8.55?

MammaMedusa · 06/03/2013 16:31

I was the PP who said it would be hard to signal another teacher. I work in a school. Mornings are often a flurry of parents trying to chat, pass on messages, kids getting in tussles, etc. I feel a signal of "go in first" could easily go unnoticed - especially as our playground is kind of L shaped. It would be much, much better to have an order which alleviated the problem.

That said, in our school, the order classes go in is planned for maximum efficiency. The staircases are not that wide, and children carrying lunch, coats, gloves, cellos, etc, etc, take a lot of room! It works best to take the top class in first, then the next floor down, then the ground floor last. So in fact, the order isn't that easy to change. Am contradicting myself!

I am sure with creativity a solution could be found though and the school should certainly be helping.

Speedos · 06/03/2013 16:36

YANBU we have never been late yet so it doesn't just happen.

Speedos · 06/03/2013 16:36

Stuffed that one up, should be YABU!

cory · 06/03/2013 16:41

Is that meant for a funny, Speedos?

Speedos · 06/03/2013 16:42

No ignore me completely, thread jumped from 85 threads to 400 odd when I left the computer.

idshagphilspencer · 06/03/2013 16:43

I have never wanted to scream RTFT more than on this thread.
OP you have my sympathies maybe a chat with the senco to come up with some constructive solutions would be best.

cory · 06/03/2013 16:43

Can we have an automated function that just posts a Read The Bloody Thread Emoticon at regular intervals? Pretty please, MNHQ? My keyboard is getting hoarse.