to think that I should be able to go into a bar without being sexually assaulted?

[BubblegumPie]

I am quite drunk so sorry for any typos/incomprehensible..ness

I have just been on a rare night out with DH. DH is a music journalist and I went with him to a gig he was reviewing, we had a lovely night and then joined some friends from another band in a different bar after the gig.

I bought us a drink and then as the bar was packed I held my drink up high so that I didn't spill it on anyone, as I walked past a man, he groped my breast. I threw my drink in his face and asked him what he thought he was playing at, he laughed in my face so I slapped him (I don;t normally condone violence, but I guess my emotions overtook my reasoning) his friend then poured a drink over me, so I chucked what was left of mine over him and gave them both a piece of my mind. They both and the women with them went on to laugh at me and make fun of me.

DH and band were very supportive and kind and I felt really daft because I ended up crying and being comfroted by the lead singer of the band.

AIBU to think that I should be able to walk through a bar and not be fucking groped by some random cunt?? I don't think I am!!!! Urgh, just needed to get this off my chest before I got to sleep.

[digerd]

The difference between a woman groping a man's crotch is that 99.9% of men would like it.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Digerd, that's not true.

But it's not what this thread is about either. Can another thread be started about male crotch groping if people want to discuss that?

[fluckered]

well Doctrine my own experience when one guy grabbed my boob out one night i turned and grabbed his crotch and he stood there smiling. asshole.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

I will be very happy on the day that people come on and post, "Wow, that bloke groping you in plain sight took a real risk, it's surprising no-one around him beat him up/called him out on it."

I wonder what the groper's friends would have done if he'd made a racist comment to a not-particularly-strong-looking black male.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Some might, yes. But not 99.9%. And the example you mention, the guy probably thought you'd responded to his "advance"

[PureQuintessence]

Op I feel for you, that was a shit thing to have happen to you, but Holly and Altinkum are right. Your reaction was foolish. The right thing to do would have been to tell him to back off, then get the bouncer to deal with it. That way you would not end up with a lost drink, drink poured over you, the embarrassment, and you would not have to worry that you will get the police knock on your door for having poured a drink and slapped a man. If you were with the band and some music journos you could have been quite identifiable. Making a show of yourself and putting yourself at risk for further violence is never advisable.

[Groovee]

If that had been me I would have reacted the same. I don't want to be groped at the best of times off my own husband never mind a stranger who thinks it's funny.

[pigletmania]

Yanbu at all what a wanker, what gives some menthe right to violate women, as if teir bodies are public property . So what if the op was drunk, there is no excuse for someone violating her body. Des tat mean no woman is allowed to be drunk and enjoy her evening, should she stick to soft drinks all evening, to prevent some wanker from assaulting her

[pigletmania]

I would have photographed the idiot and gone to the police

[ReluctantBeing]

What an awful thing to happen.

[pigletmania]

Wellslapmythigh that is awful, what a wanker

[amillionyears]

I always think, with this sort of thing, if the police have a record of it, and the man goes on to other crimes, that it could help another woman's case further down the line.
Also, I am not sure whether it wuld show up on a crb check.
Which might mean men in future might think twice about going around groping strangers's breasts.

[edam]

Good grief, an MNer is sexually assaulted and all some other posters can do is tell her it's all her own fault?!

Self-defence is entirely legal (as long as it's proportionate). In the shock and disgust of being assaulted, the OP lashed out. Well done her - the dirty beggar shouldn't put his hands where they aren't wanted if he doesn't want a violent reaction.

[LadyPessaryPam]

MidnightMasquerader Helpful post as usual, Holly. You're a great person to have around several hours after an event.

But she is right Midnight. Society has changed and I think it is more dangerous. She was lucky that it was only a drink over her. Even years ago at a Rolling Stones concert I got arsey with some twat who walked over me (literally, he really hurt my foot) and him and his GF laid into me. God knows what it's like now but I have heard lots of glassing stories too.

[TheFallenMadonna]

It is just incredibly sad that the person making a spectacle of themselves is not the one doing the groping, but the one responding to it.

There should be outrage at his behaviour. At the place where it happened and wherever the story is recounted. I really don't get why there isn't.

[LadyPessaryPam]

And I am outraged for the OP. It was disgusting behaviour by the other people and I hope she feels better now.

[amillionyears]

edam
"Self defence is entirely legal as long as it is proportionate".

If that is 100% true, then great. I didnt realise that.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Not sure the outrage should come after the ticking off though Pam.

[WhatsTheBuzz]

whatever, wellslap, I agreed it was a shit thing to happen and he was an
arsehole but I don't agree that anyone should be congratulating men or
women on slapping people and guess what? I'm entitled to my opinion...

[LadyPessaryPam]

It wasn't a ticking off. Where in it is a ticking off? You are not reading what I actually wrote are you.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Perhaps I should say your first focus was all in how unwise her response was, and not on what she was responding to. And I think that when that is the first focus of so many people, then it's not a huge surprise that some men still feel they can grope with impunity. Because women's behaviour is more scrutinized apparently.

[Mia4]

Sorry this happened to you OP. YANBU to be upset and angry about it. That man was very lucky the bouncers didn't get him, tbh. Those women and he friend should be the ashamed though it's obvious they deserve each other given their attitudes, so be happy to know 4 shitty people are in relationships with each other and likely to end up (if not already) being shitty to each other.

When i was in a pub and a man groped my friend between the legs, he and his laughing friend were escorted out by the bouncers at the back door and given a 'working over' to remind them not to treat women in that way.

On a side note, Digerd that isn't true for men-for groping arses or crotches. While some men may be flattered, like some women may bizarrely find random gropage flattering, some really don't. I remember a good friend of mine was at a firefly convention in the bar getting drunk while the actors were there- in fact i think it was when they'd come down for free of their own backs because the con runners had screwed people over- and a couple of women groped Nathan Fillion's arse (don't think it was the crotch). He was was furious, angry at the disrespect that these women thought they had the right to touch him up. He left right after and ruined that night for many. The two women were thrown out and Nathan came back the next day for the second part of the con.