to think that I should be able to go into a bar without being sexually assaulted?

[BubblegumPie]

I am quite drunk so sorry for any typos/incomprehensible..ness

I have just been on a rare night out with DH. DH is a music journalist and I went with him to a gig he was reviewing, we had a lovely night and then joined some friends from another band in a different bar after the gig.

I bought us a drink and then as the bar was packed I held my drink up high so that I didn't spill it on anyone, as I walked past a man, he groped my breast. I threw my drink in his face and asked him what he thought he was playing at, he laughed in my face so I slapped him (I don;t normally condone violence, but I guess my emotions overtook my reasoning) his friend then poured a drink over me, so I chucked what was left of mine over him and gave them both a piece of my mind. They both and the women with them went on to laugh at me and make fun of me.

DH and band were very supportive and kind and I felt really daft because I ended up crying and being comfroted by the lead singer of the band.

AIBU to think that I should be able to walk through a bar and not be fucking groped by some random cunt?? I don't think I am!!!! Urgh, just needed to get this off my chest before I got to sleep.

[LadyPessaryPam]

No I was just worried about her safety.

[TheFallenMadonna]

What does "entitled to my opinion" mean in this context?

[WhatsTheBuzz]

it means I'm allowed to think it's not okay to grope and it's not okay to
slap? Everyone's entitled to an opinion whether you agree with it or
not...

[aldiwhore]

YANBU to be outraged. In answer to the title, you should be able to go ANYWHERE without being sexually assaulted.

Unfortunately you were unwise and put yourself in danger the minute you got involved in a brawl (even if punches weren't thrown, you threw your drink over the guy, you got involved in a two way volatile situation that could have ended in disaster).

For that, YABU, you managed the situation badly, even if your reaction was understandable and driven by emotional horror.

You should have gone straight to the security staff. It is horrible and has happened to me, it's shocking and a violation, but you must never EVER get embroiled in anything that has the potential for violence, unless you are absolutely sure you can win quickly and be gone!

[TheFallenMadonna]

And others people's opinions on your opinions?

They are entitled to express them too.

Do you think you should be able to air unchallenged opinions? Because otherwise, I'm not sure what the point of saying that you are entitled to your opinion is.

[DebbieLovesDallas]

OP YANBU. I'm sorry this happened to you. The guy and the people he was with are all massive wankers, they deserve one another.

Many years ago I was in a club and all throughout the night this bloke kept harassing me. It started off with him just trying to dance with me and chat me up. But them moved on to him grabbing me around the waist and thrusting his crotch into my arse. After telling him about a thousand times that I wasn't interested and to fuck off, he pinched my arse, really fucking hard, (left a bruise) . I turned around and he stood there laughing with his 2 mates, I punched him in the jaw and knocked him down (was quite proud of that, didn't think I had it in me). I had had quite a few by then. His mates got all affronted then, "Fucking hell love, he was only messing around". Yeah cos it's all in good fun innit! I nearly knocked them out too, before my sister dragged me off and we went home. I was raging at that point.

It's very sad that a woman can't just go out and enjoy herself without being subjected to gropes and nasty comments.

[KatoPotato]

As Edam has mentioned, from a legal standpoint her reaction was entirely proportionate to the risk she felt she was in.

[aldiwhore]

To be fair katoPotato a legal standpoint means very little when picking bits of glass from your face.

I agree, they deserved much more than to be doused with drink, they warranted an equal violation, legally her reaction was proportionate, I agree it was outrageous. However, from a self preservation standpoint, there was a wiser way to deal with it.

I am extremely shocked at the other women's reactions... they laughed. That somehow shocks me more than a drunk wanker groping someone (doens't make it right). If my DH (or partner, male friend, male member of my group) groped a woman in a pub, the last thing I would do would be to laugh.

[WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy]

"Whatever wellslap. Im entitled to my opinion"

What a intelligent, well thought out response to mine.

[edam]

aldi, there may be 'a wiser way to deal with it' but in the heat of the moment, the OP reacted reasonably - in that she didn't have a chance to stop and think and ask MN what she should do right there, right then.

[LadyPessaryPam]

Been thinking about this and I think my reaction also is informed by being a mother of 21 year olds. My reaction is a maternal one with first regard to the OPs safety. No way was I condoning the actions of these tossers who assaulted her.

[yaimee]

I was once punched in the face by a man in a nightclub because I had the nerve to bat his hand away after he forcefully shoved it up my skirt and was grabbing at my knickers. As I turned to tell him exactly what I thought of him he punched me in the face.
That was about ten years ago, I had hope things had improved slightly but obviously not. Poor you. I'm glad you stood up to them!

[TheFallenMadonna]

I think that your daughters would also deserve to hear outrage at the other person's actions first. And sons certainly should.

[LadyPessaryPam]

Oh give it a rest Fallen.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Thank you for your post re self defence, Edam.

If OP had taken the bloke's photo, I suspect she'd have had her camera/phone snatched off her.

[WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy]

I was yelled at by a group of (drunk?) men during the day yesterday. Along the lines of 'Coor alright treacle!' Barely an inch from my ear. In front of my 1 yo and 6yo.

When my eldest asked in his own terms wtf the man was doing, I took it as an oppotunity to explain to him in terms he will understand that basically there are wankers out there that do not respect women (I did not use that phrase to him. But that is what they are) and that I know when he is older he would never treat a woman that way because he is kind and nice etc etc

Its never to early to teach your sons how the should be respecting women. And teaching daughters how they should expect to be respected.

[TheFallenMadonna]

Eh? Look, I get that you don't think it's ok to grope someone, but I am gobsmacked at the proportion if responses on here that are about what the OP did and not the man who assaulted her.

And when she wakes up, I think I'd like her to read some posts that challenge them.

Hide the thread?

[TheFallenMadonna]

Sorry, I'm assuming she's asleep! When she cones back...

[edam]

I'm glad the self-defence post has been useful but am shocked that people don't know that you are allowed to defend yourself against assault (within reason, and reason is based on the reasonable reaction of someone in that moment, not someone who has gone home and thought about it calmly).

[PureQuintessence]

Defending yourself against assault is all well and good, providing that you dont end up more hurt, or as the op discovered, soaking wet and humiliated.

I dont think many women are in a position to defend themselves against a man in a group.

People like him should have his hand chopped off! Fuming.

[amillionyears]

Is self defence allowed against assault if there is no reason to think you will get further assaulted?

[PureQuintessence]

As a woman, I would feel too vulnerable to attack back at a man in a group, I rather just try and walk away from the situation. Maybe it makes me a coward, or maybe just self preservation.

[Birdsgottafly]

were escorted out by the bouncers at the back door and given a 'working over' to remind them not to treat women in that way.
The two women were thrown out

How would we have felt if the women had been "worked over"?

Using violence against men like this only perpetuates the "macho" culture and right to behave outside the law,it doesn't solve anything.

The OP didn't defend herself,she went on to commit a form of assault by throwing the drink, if it also hit the people around them, did they have the right to wade in?

I have been subjected to this behaviour many times, it is shocking that other women defend men like this, but look at the mothers who defend their sons right to commit DV.

The law should be used, rather than an attack back, you are more likly to keep your dignity and safety,if you have the perpitrator removed.

[amillionyears]

I am hoping a police man or woman can come on here, or a legal person to say what the legal position is on this.
Unless edam you are police?

op, when you have recovered sufficiently from last night, it may be a good idea to have a word with your local police to find out the exact legal position.
Though I assume you dont know the man, though I wouldnt have thought it might be too difficult to find out who it was?

[Sallystyle]

This is one of the reasons why I do not go out to busy pubs at a weekend. This used to happen to me a lot when I was younger. I was always shocked by the amount of drunk men who thought that behaviour was acceptable.

I once had a man put his hand up my skirt, he got a nice kick in the balls from me.

I am sorry this happened to you OP and I don't blame you for throwing your drink over him.