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AIBU?

to think that I should be able to go into a bar without being sexually assaulted?

187 replies

BubblegumPie · 03/03/2013 02:59

I am quite drunk so sorry for any typos/incomprehensible..ness

I have just been on a rare night out with DH. DH is a music journalist and I went with him to a gig he was reviewing, we had a lovely night and then joined some friends from another band in a different bar after the gig.

I bought us a drink and then as the bar was packed I held my drink up high so that I didn't spill it on anyone, as I walked past a man, he groped my breast. I threw my drink in his face and asked him what he thought he was playing at, he laughed in my face so I slapped him (I don;t normally condone violence, but I guess my emotions overtook my reasoning) his friend then poured a drink over me, so I chucked what was left of mine over him and gave them both a piece of my mind. They both and the women with them went on to laugh at me and make fun of me.

DH and band were very supportive and kind and I felt really daft because I ended up crying and being comfroted by the lead singer of the band.

AIBU to think that I should be able to walk through a bar and not be fucking groped by some random cunt?? I don't think I am!!!! Urgh, just needed to get this off my chest before I got to sleep.

OP posts:

Report

BubblegumPie · 04/03/2013 16:22

Thanks kelly What a twat, taking advantage of his position like that.

I haven't heard back from the bar WRT the CCTV, so I'm going to give them a few more days to reply and if I still haven't heard anything I will ring them.

OP posts:

KellyElly · 04/03/2013 16:17

That's awful OP. I slapped a bouncer around the face when I was 19 after he tried to shove his hands inside my knickers. I got punched in the face and chucked out of the Club. I stupidly didn't report it. If a man assaulted me like that again I would still slap him round his face or probably punch him now You did nothing wrong, he did!

amillionyears · 03/03/2013 20:02

I want to know what the police do about sexual assault. Otherwise all women do is talk, and men can carry on getting away with it.

TattyDevine · 03/03/2013 19:51

I think its up to the OP whether it was worth it or not, actually, as it was HER it happened to.

BubblegumPie · 03/03/2013 19:46

yes, we've already covered that thebody

OP posts:

thebody · 03/03/2013 19:43

It's absolutely disgusting but honestly op you could have been glassed.

Life long scarring or loss of an eye wasn't worth it.

BubblegumPie · 03/03/2013 19:37

I've heard some horror stories in rl today too. One friend was grabbed by a man in a club and dragged into the middle of a group of men who then pulled at her clothes, groped her and made disgusting comments about her body and what they'd like to do to her. Thankfully she managed to get away. Another friend recalled a time where a couple of men were stood outside the women's toilets waiting to slap their arses as they walked to and from the loos.

OP posts:

MidnightMasquerader · 03/03/2013 19:36

Nice to see people turning up on the thread focusing on the important thing, first and foremost. :)

PeppaFuckingPig · 03/03/2013 19:33

Also really shocked at some of the replies. And some of the incidents other people are recounting.

Does anyone else remember the thread that was on here asking how many posters had been sexually assaulted in their life? It was a scary scary number of posters who replied that yes they had been.
It's so fucking prevalent in society, and the fact that it is accepted and almost normalised is beyond frightening.

MamaMary · 03/03/2013 19:19

Shocked at some of the replies on this thread. I can't believe the no of posters givong the OP a hard time, just because she acted in self defence.

OP that was a horrible thing to happen and I for one am glad you showed the man how unacceptable his behaviour was.

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that his female friends stood up for him, given some of the replies on here.

Fraying · 03/03/2013 18:41

Sorry this happened to you Bubblegum . I think you're right - in an ideal world you wouldn't be groped in a pub, and you wouldn't react. I must admit I did the same. A guy grabbed my backside in a busy pub once. It was so mobbed I couldn't turn round but I had an umbrella in my hand and hit the groping hand with it. It probably wasn't the most sensible response but it was the instinctive one . . .and it stopped the groping.

BubblegumPie · 03/03/2013 18:10

Oh I wonder where I saw it? Never mind!

OP posts:

ChildlikeConfusion · 03/03/2013 18:08

Never seen a shrug one on Mumsnet.

Only ever the Smileys listed beneath.

BubblegumPie · 03/03/2013 18:06

no, there's a little head with some arms I think.

OP posts:

MidnightMasquerader · 03/03/2013 18:04

Do you mean the hmm emoticon?

BubblegumPie · 03/03/2013 18:03

There is, I've seen people use it. It might have a different name though

OP posts:

ChildlikeConfusion · 03/03/2013 18:02

There isn't a shrug emoticon - that's probably why it didn't work.

BubblegumPie · 03/03/2013 18:01

nope! Bah

OP posts:

BubblegumPie · 03/03/2013 18:00

bloody emoticons

Maybe it's [shrug]

OP posts:

BubblegumPie · 03/03/2013 18:00

There was some left.

I'm not very practiced in throwing drinks over people, maybe I did it wrong [shrugs]

OP posts:

PurpleMacaroon · 03/03/2013 17:58

I'm sorry I'm slightly confused by your second OP as you said -

i bought myself and my husband a drink, we were both holding our own drinks.

As a knee jerk reaction, I chucked my drink in his face

tipped a drink down my top, so I threw my drink over him and had a go at him

How did you manage to chuck the same drink over two different people twice?

ShellyBoobs · 03/03/2013 17:47

So sorry to hear about your awful experience, OP.

I think it's absolutely acceptable to react to an assault like that in the way you did.

The vile pervert who assaulted you is obviously used to getting away with sexual assault; perhaps he'll think twice now?

Darkesteyes · 03/03/2013 17:45

Sorry to hear this has happened to you Bubblegum. Last nights incident and the one when you were a child.
I think i would either have reacted the way you did or just froze. In a way its like a reflex action to immediately defend yourself. In a situation like that there isnt time to stand there and analyse.
Sadly im also not surprised at the involvement of those handmaidens.
Hope you are ok

flippinada · 03/03/2013 17:42

Sorry last para sounds a bit odd.

To clarify, the incident that happened to me, women were involved, standing up for the assaulter.

I was made to feel like I was being embarrassing ave making a scene by standing up for myself.

andubelievedthat · 03/03/2013 17:38

if u are in a drinking establishment where the bouncers ? will give a patron a "right seeing to" out the back ,as some posters are suggesting ,trust me on this one, you are in the wrong place. there are 2 laws (?) one > up in court law ,and ,"in the allayway ,law, u choose, and in chosing one u are chosing two(iuswim)

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