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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the majority of blokes, would probably prefer their wives/partners always being around at home?

107 replies

blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 21:08

dont get me wrong, im certainly not saying all women should do this at all, i think we should decide what we personally want to do.
i'm all for freedom of choice

but just been watching corrie and chesney feeling a bit funny about katie going back to work, well the kebab shop.
lol yes i know its not real.

but it made me think that probably majority of blokes would probably prefer their partner always around as a sahm

not sayings it right or the way it should be, not at all, like i said, i want every mother to have the choice in everything she does

but do you think this is true?

suppose i'd quite like a sahp to look after me at times

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 01/03/2013 21:10

You mean as a skivvy, taking care of all domestic tasks?

WorraLiberty · 01/03/2013 21:12

I don't know really.

I think it's probably fair to say most parents would prefer to leave their child at home with the other parent when they go to work.

And coming home to a meal and a clean home would also be a bonus.

I don't think it's a 'man' v 'woman' thing.

NumericalMum · 01/03/2013 21:14

Of course they would. My dh's life would be so much easier if I did all the domestic tasks as well as all the sick days, school pick ups etc! Thankfully he balances the easy life lay off with my salary and the fact I am a happier human being because I work.

I don't know any of the senior managers at work with kids who don't have SAHM wives or are divorced

HollyBerryBush · 01/03/2013 21:14

I think you'll find a lot of solid relationships would prefer to be financially stable enough to have one person at home

MmeLindor · 01/03/2013 21:14

I think a lot of people would quite like to have a servant to look after them, clean their houses, do the cooking etc.

Sadly, we abolished slavery some time ago, so looks like we will all have to pick up our own dirty socks.

HorryDrelincourt · 01/03/2013 21:15

It's hard being the only earner though. I know DH is torn between wanting to have a parent (currently me) at home to reduce childcare burden, etc, and wanting two salaries.

MajaBiene · 01/03/2013 21:15

Most men I know prefer their partner to work at least part time so as both adults share the financial burden in the family.

NumericalMum · 01/03/2013 21:15

That is true worra I would love my DH to be at home but there is no way in hell he would be a SahD. He is too much of a chauvinist.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 01/03/2013 21:16

OP, did you mean as a SAHP, or purely as a house-spouse, no kids in the equation?

ilovecolinfirth · 01/03/2013 21:16

I reckon my husband can't wait for me to go back to work after maternity leave...I'm crap at the domestic role! :)

Ghostsgowoooh · 01/03/2013 21:16

It was true in my case with my ex yes. He liked me where he could see me, control me I suppose.

I think quite a few men would prefer this yes but would never admit to it. Not saying its right of course

KateBeckett · 01/03/2013 21:17

My DP wouldn't!! He wouldn't like having the responsibility of being the sole wage earner, especially as I'd be a shit housewife so he'd end up doing most of the chores as well!

As it is, I currently work full time, he is looking for part time work and is doing a brilliant job of house husbanding in the meantime, which I am enjoying whilst it lasts!

ZZZenAgain · 01/03/2013 21:17

I think most men under 50 prefer their partner to work IME

Original poster
blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 21:17

oh yes of course, i totally get not everyone can choose, esp with housing costs being so crazy and petrol and food

i'm not saying anyone, should do anything at all

i wish everyone had a true real choice.

i just mean more, always knowing someones around, having time to do stuff not in the evenings or at weekends, or not having to take time off work for sick children etc
that type of thing

OP posts:
Ghostsgowoooh · 01/03/2013 21:21

Mind you it was the other way round when I grew up, my dad retired when I was 14 so stayed at home and skivvied for my mum who worked full time and treated him like a slave, if her blouses weren't ironed and she wasn't met at the door with a cup of tea and the housework done there would be a terrible row

My dad was seriously henpecked

MmeLindor · 01/03/2013 21:22

I think that families have to weigh up the convenience of having someone at home to take care of house stuff, with the pressure on one person to bring home enough money to feed and clothe everyone.

And I don't think there is any way to generalise this by saying that most men (or most women for that matter) would prefer this.

HecateWhoopass · 01/03/2013 21:24

Well, I just asked my husband.

He said yes! Shock

He thought for a minute and said it would be nice if I was a 'housewife', there's something nice about it (his exact words) but he knows I'd be bored, so I would have to have things to keep me busy, maybe working from home, but not needing to make money. But the house feels nicer when I am at home.

I'm not really sure how I feel about that Grin

BlueberryHill · 01/03/2013 21:26

DH would like me to work also, to share the financial load. At the moment it financially doesn't make sense for me to work (tax and childcare costs would eat up all of my salary) but once DTs get their 15 hours it becomes financially worth it. I completely understand that position and agree with it, we are more financially stable with two incomes and that is important to us. Having said that, he contributes equally to the housework / gardening / parenting (although not in that order) once home from work. He also can see that not working is driving me crazy....

kim147 · 01/03/2013 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 01/03/2013 21:31

DH and I would like a butler.

Actually, what all households really want is a Magda, the amazing cleaner from SATC who somehow became a housekeeper, nanny and dispenser of wisdom. And was just as happy to work in Brooklyn as Manhattan. And who seemed to have no other commitments ever.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 01/03/2013 21:32

Kim, I can see the appeal of that,

N0tinmylife · 01/03/2013 21:32

Nope, if we could afford to to drop one income DH would prefer that we both went part time, so we were both able to be at home more. The dynamic of our relationship means that we both put in the same, in terms of income, childcare, and housework. I like it that way too!

Original poster
blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 21:34

well i suppose, if i did work ft, i would love a partner at home, taking care of everything like dc, home, garden and organising holidays and stuff, coming home to a lovely meal, and not really having to anything much other than a 9-5, be quiet nice, only if he was happy to do that though.
and if he had a good amount of time to sepnd doing whatever he fancied too, like reading or painting or whatever.
i think it would be really nice

OP posts:
ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 01/03/2013 21:35

I'm not much good at the domestic chores stuff...in fact I'd sack me if I had an alternative Grin

Shakey1500 · 01/03/2013 21:35

Not at Chez Shakey Grin

I was a SAHM for 4 years (well, excluding 8 hours P/T at the weekend), did the usual SAHM stuff, school runs, dinner, baths, housework etc and to be honest it was the life of Riley. We only have one school age DS though so not underestimating the hard job it can be.

A chance of a FT job came up and dh said it was up to me whether I took it or not. I knew though, that he was secretly hoping I'd take it. I ummed and ahhed about it for ages, weighing up the pro's and cons, logistics, childcare and such. Eventually the deciding factor was that the money was too good to turn down and would bring retirement closer. I have lovely retirement plans so decided it was worth it.

It's a juggle time wise for sure but do-able.