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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the majority of blokes, would probably prefer their wives/partners always being around at home?

107 replies

blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 21:08

dont get me wrong, im certainly not saying all women should do this at all, i think we should decide what we personally want to do.
i'm all for freedom of choice

but just been watching corrie and chesney feeling a bit funny about katie going back to work, well the kebab shop.
lol yes i know its not real.

but it made me think that probably majority of blokes would probably prefer their partner always around as a sahm

not sayings it right or the way it should be, not at all, like i said, i want every mother to have the choice in everything she does

but do you think this is true?

suppose i'd quite like a sahp to look after me at times

OP posts:
Mydelilah · 01/03/2013 22:32

In my experience, yabu. When I've been a SAHM (twice, 2 mat leaves) my DH found it very stressful being the only earner - the world was on his shoulders! He definitely prefers sharing financial responsibility- losing one job is a real risk, losing 2 is less likely). Also I earn more than him so it doesn't make financial sense for me to be the stay at home parent.

When we both work we share the domestic and childcare but we do have help (cleaner etc) what most working people want (not just men) is the help at home so you don't cone home to chores or chaos.

Original poster
blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 22:32

breathe, i think most men, would want their partners/wives to happy and be ok above all else.

OP posts:
kim147 · 01/03/2013 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 01/03/2013 22:34

No my dp doesn't want me as housewife.he can cook,clean,do his own stuff
Doesn't need me unwaged home to faff about. Not that I would anyway
He practical,He solvent anything he needs. He can buy.he's not one of the mn husbands who needs wife to buy his Chuddies

Trills · 01/03/2013 22:34

If your partner is a SAHP then you are not just responsible for all income, you also might end up responsible for all (or a lot of) their interactions with other adults. It's up to you to provide adult chat when they have spent all day with a 2 year old.

Original poster
blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 22:35

oh yeah, i think the sahp should have plenty of time for their own interests too.

OP posts:
LadyPessaryPam · 01/03/2013 22:35

Hopefully but that's a triumph of experience over hope.

DumSpiroSpero · 01/03/2013 22:35

I think my DH would quite like it.

But I'm no domestic goddess and he also likes working 7-3 and having 17 weeks holiday a year so it ain't gonna happen any time soon!

Mydelilah · 01/03/2013 22:35

Scottish, what is/are chuddies?

ceeveebee · 01/03/2013 22:36

My DH prefers me to work. I was in two minds about returning after mat leave buy he was keen - not only because he didn't want to be the sole earner but also because (and I quote) he wanted me to have a life and not be totally focused on the DCs. I think his mum (who was a SAHM) put him off the idea as she is a total stepford wife type with an obsession with cleaning and housewifery which he thought was a bit boring.

HairyHandedTrucker · 01/03/2013 22:39

don't know really.I think it's probably fair to say most parents would prefer to leave their child at home with the other parent when they go to work.And coming home to a meal and a clean home would also be a bonus.I don't think it's a 'man' v 'woman' thing

I agree with this.

HairyHandedTrucker · 01/03/2013 22:42

I am the SAHP now, but I think that is likely to change in a couple years. I am not comfortable with nursery so I would prefer dh be a sahp. Its what we have always discussed

scottishmummy · 01/03/2013 22:43

Chuddies=pants.apparently some women buy their dp/dh pants
Seems these men who can drive,hold own jobs, cannot buy pants need wife to do so

MyDarlingClementine · 01/03/2013 22:46

chuddies

Grin
SashaSashays · 01/03/2013 22:49

Most men I know on a personal level want their partners working for the money, I don't think it's driven by happiness although I'm sure that does feature on some level. They don't see why they should be the sole earner and view SAHP as the easy option.

However most of the men I know on a professional level and those through DH, who are in senior positions all have wives or partners at home. According to DH, in his team, I am the only partner with a full time senior level job. All the others either are at home or have 8-12 hours per week type gigs. I'm not sure why this is, financial status seems obvious but then that would imply all women are just waiting for the wealth to mean they don't have to work and I know that isn't true.

Hulababy · 01/03/2013 22:50

My DH definitely wouldn't.
He likes that I go out to work and have interests outside the house. I really don;t think he'd want me to be a sahm full time tbh.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 01/03/2013 22:50

What Trills said.

MoreBeta, hope your DW's new job goes well.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 01/03/2013 22:53

Sasha, I don't think it's "waiting for the wealth", it's logistics and cash flow - if you aren't both earning reasonably well by the time you have kids, it can look a lot easier to go down the 1 WOHP, 1 SAHP route. We could have done that but we both like to work. At least timing of kids meant we only had two in full childcare for six months or so.

MoreBeta · 01/03/2013 22:54

Thanks. She felt quite wibbly I think after such a long break.

It turned out when she got there that the IT guy didnt know she was coming so her computer wasnt ready, her boss is back next Tuesday and none of her colleagues were there. In fact hardly anyone was in the building.

Quite a strange day by all accounts. She came home and announced 'I'll give it a year!"

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub · 01/03/2013 22:56

Ah, when we have new starters, their IT doesn't work even if Tech Support know they're coming. She shouldn't take it personally Smile

Mydelilah · 01/03/2013 22:59

Ohh they're pants. Guilty if buying those for DH, but in my defense only because he'll keep wearing them till they are complete saggy so it's a quality control thing Wink

Original poster
blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 23:57

lol at chuddies

OP posts:
jellybeans · 02/03/2013 13:55

I think it is a mix of those who feel it is best for the Dc to have a parent at home and those who expect their DW to work and would not want to cut their spending to enable their DW to SAH. I have a friend whose DH pushed her back to work and since she has been back her DH has simply spent the amount of her wage on himself.

Someone on this thread said their DH wouldn't like it as then their DC would be closer to her? I don't believe that is true. My DH works and is very close to DC.

AnnIonicIsoTronic · 02/03/2013 14:00

I think everyone likes to be part of a smooth running machine - but I think that majority of men are agnostic how that comes about. It's a problem when they imagine the housekeeping fairy deals with it - whether or not the wife is a SAHM.

In the long term - I think people need companionship in their life. I think defining yourself long term under the star of the pressures of early parenthood would get pretty stale eventually for the man and for the woman.

MrsKoala · 02/03/2013 14:20

All the men i know want their partners to earn money to put into the pot. This is above having a tidy house (which most want as well). If them going back to work isn't financially beneficial then they don't care. But if it is, then they all insist.

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