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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the majority of blokes, would probably prefer their wives/partners always being around at home?

107 replies

blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 21:08

dont get me wrong, im certainly not saying all women should do this at all, i think we should decide what we personally want to do.
i'm all for freedom of choice

but just been watching corrie and chesney feeling a bit funny about katie going back to work, well the kebab shop.
lol yes i know its not real.

but it made me think that probably majority of blokes would probably prefer their partner always around as a sahm

not sayings it right or the way it should be, not at all, like i said, i want every mother to have the choice in everything she does

but do you think this is true?

suppose i'd quite like a sahp to look after me at times

OP posts:
superstarheartbreaker · 01/03/2013 21:35

Mabe but god I wouldn't like it...there is more too the world than your own 4 walls tbh. But then mabe that's what they are afraid of; a taste of freedom and then they wouldn't have anyone to do the laundry ;poor kittens.

breatheslowly · 01/03/2013 21:35

DH has just said that he prefers me to work - he described it as liking that I have a life outside the home, though I am sure that many SAHM have this in other ways. I am not a very domestic person, so more time at home wouldn't really improve our life. I would probably be miserable and depressed. We would have a smaller house. He can probably tell that my self image includes my career. He also said that if I stayed home with DD I would be more important to her than he would and he wouldn't like that.

LessMissAbs · 01/03/2013 21:36

I find that a really depressing thought OP. I would hope my DH would want me to be happy but to have a life, and a reasonably fulfilling life at that. In fact, I wouldn't have anything to do with the sort of man who preferred to have the sort of woman who only wanted to stay at home.

I just asked my DH this and said what if I didn't need to work. He said he would prefer me to do whatever made me happy, such as out doing sport and enjoying myself and travelling, etc..

Original poster
blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 21:37

two people working part could work really well, sort of a jobshare, taking turns to be the sahp
it is alot harder though to get really great jobs on a part time basis, not impossible of course but much harder

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 01/03/2013 21:37

I forgot to add that I think we need a third person in our marriage as some sort of housekeeper. That would be ideal.

Sharptic · 01/03/2013 21:38

I think DH would ideally like a third baby, for me to carry on doing the majority of the housework? and earn at least as much as him, throw in weekly sex and I'm perfect!

CardinalRichelieu · 01/03/2013 21:38

Yeah I would like a free housekeeper too.

But, tbh, the thought of one income keeping a whole family is a bit scary, because it can be gone like that.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2013 21:41

What MMeLindor.

CheerfulYank · 01/03/2013 21:41

Doctrine I have always wanted my very own Magda too! I love her.

DH and I both prefer for me to be at home (I do work part time 12-20 hours/week). It's not a man/woman thing, it's a DH and I aren't very organized thing. It's just too hard to get everything done with the house, kids, dog, etc, with both of us working full time.

expatinscotland · 01/03/2013 21:42

said.

Aika · 01/03/2013 21:42

Working in a male-dominated environment, I often dream of having a stay at home wife for myself. They get home to cooked dinners, their suitcases are packed when they go on trips and they get a nice bath waiting when coming back. I get a huge pile of laundry to do on my return.

CheerfulYank · 01/03/2013 21:45

I don't "pick up after" DH though. Ugh! I do laundry that is in the hamper only, etc.

ConstantCraving · 01/03/2013 21:47

My DH works part time and I work full time. Someone said up thread that most men under 50 would want their wives to work - mine is over 50 and would hate it if I stayed at home 1) because we'd be skint 2) because he's a feminist Smile. It's nice having him at home two days a week - he does the housework and cooks, works well!

motherinferior · 01/03/2013 21:52

Yeah, what Mme Lindor said. And actually no. My partner likes me working.

Original poster
blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 21:52

oh yeah, of course i mean the dh/dps want them to be happy, i think every decent partner, simply wants above all else their partner and children to be happy and to be ok.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 01/03/2013 21:56

Well no, you said that these men (I don't know how you view same-sex couples) would prefer a partner at home . You didn't say "would prefer to have a partner who is happy to be at home".

dreamingbohemian · 01/03/2013 21:56

We've done all the combinations, with each of us taking turns working FT, PT, being the SAHP...

I think it is pretty great just working and not having to worry about so many things -- but only for a while. After a while the imbalance makes it less enjoyable.

We've figured out the perfect combo for us is 1.5 jobs, either one FT and one PT or both of us PT.

Trills · 01/03/2013 21:58

i think every decent partner, simply wants above all else their partner and children to be happy and to be ok.

That's not what your title said though, is it? That's quite different.

breatheslowly · 01/03/2013 21:59

So do you mean that most men would believe that their partners would be happier as a SAHM?

Original poster
blacktaildog · 01/03/2013 21:59

i view same sex couple as totally the same.

OP posts:
IneedAgoldenNickname · 01/03/2013 21:59

My sil gave up her night shift work so her husband could have 'his' time in the evenings without having to worry about the DC. She never goes out because apparently it's not fair on him having to look after the DC. I would not put up with a man like that, in fact it's one of the many things ex and I disagreed on.

But she seems happy enough with the arrangement, so I guess it's none if my business.

sneezecakesmum · 01/03/2013 21:59

If you've seen the film the Stepford Wives you will know that is what men really want. Sorry girls but after years of crap it's the sad truth Sad

Trills · 01/03/2013 22:00

Do you therefore think that most women would prefer their husbands/partners "always being around at home"? Hmm

So what you are saying is that everyone would prefer the other partner to stay at home?

I don't think that is true either.

motherinferior · 01/03/2013 22:01

So most lesbians would like a SAHM partner? And no gay men want to be SAHDs?

LaFataTurchina · 01/03/2013 22:01

I'm not sure in our case.

I'm about to switch down to P/T hours from F/T due to stress and general knackaredness meaning we'll have less money coming in. Although he's fine with it, and respects my decision DP did say that in an ideal world he'd rather we had the extra money for holidays and fun stuff as opposed to me at home and more cooking/domestic stuff getting done.

Plus, we've had the discussion about who's going to do what if/when we have any future DCs and he has said he would find it to be a lot of pressure on him if he was the only one earning. He's said what if he gets made redundant/has a heart attack etc. and I haven't worked for ages.