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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit upset that my friend has not invited me to her wedding?

276 replies

stormforce10 · 24/02/2013 22:52

We've known each other since we were 11 and stayed good friends. I met her fiancee on a train which got delayed, we talked for hours, stayed in touch and a few years ago I introduced them and 10 months ago they got engaged.

This evening I spoke to her and she told me that she's decided not to invite me to their wedding in April as she only wants a small one. Fair enough but given she's invited all her work colleagues and quite a lot of our other friends and their families AIBU to feel somewhat upset and wonder if there is another reason she's decided to leave me out

OP posts:
FruOla · 25/02/2013 09:54

Actually, it makes me wonder how she 'sold' the idea, of not inviting storm, to her fiance?!

MortifiedAdams · 25/02/2013 09:57

Id see it as something like this meaning the end of our closeness maybe even friendship, therefore Id.have nothing to lose in speaking to her about it.

The fact that all of your mutual friends have not only been invited but have also said ita odd that you arent gives you reason enough.

Red is right, btw. Guarantee it.

cornishsue · 25/02/2013 09:58

What a horrible situation, OP.

Although many people have said not to 'confront' her about it, I think I would have to. Like KKK said, NOT in a begging for an invitation way (sod that) but because I would have to know why. If I didn't know why I think it would always bother me and maybe I'd even think 'what did I do wrong?' So if I were you I would ask in a non confrontational sort of why and THEN move on. Damned if I would send a card though!!

FellatioNels0n · 25/02/2013 10:00

YABNU. A small wedding is one thing, but to invite other non-close colleagues and friends but not you is just mean, given the circumstances of how you met.

Original poster
stormforce10 · 25/02/2013 10:08

Thanks again. The more I think about this the more upset I am. When they first got engaged she even said she wanted dd to be a bridesmaid. Thankfully I never told dd as i know how upset she'd be if that was taken away from her.

I never noticed any kind of spark with her fiancee. I've got loads of male friends and friendship really is as far as it goes in the vast majority of cases. There are one or two I've got a slightly more "interesting" history with but he is certianly not one of them. Will just have to assume its the reason though - after all surely it can't only be DP that has such terrible taste in women Grin

OP posts:
FruOla · 25/02/2013 10:36

OMG, that's even worse Shock

saintlyjimjams · 25/02/2013 10:38

She wanted dd to be bridesmaid? WTF?

Definitely no card, unless she explains herself. (But don't ask her fgs - I mean if she comes to you unasked and explains to you what is going on).

ArbitraryUsername · 25/02/2013 10:41

In the circumstances, sending a card would be terribly passive aggressive. Grin

shrimponastick · 25/02/2013 10:48

Blimey.

my two pennorth - just step back.

don't bother with a card or gift. If she deigns to discuss with you the reasons why you aren't invited - then feel free to speak your mind.

BobbiFleckmann · 25/02/2013 10:48

yes Arbitrary it would be... which is probably why I'd send one with a lovely note about how happy I was to have introduced them in the first place and wish them a lifetime of happiness from a chance encounter on a train... but that would be wrong. Even wronger would be to send a gift of a lovely picture frame (containing a photo of the four of you, if you have one?)

ArbitraryUsername · 25/02/2013 10:50

Well, if you're going to be passive aggressive, you should do it in style!

LayMizzRarb · 25/02/2013 10:50

What a cow! I wouldn't bother to send a card or present. Instead, spend the money on a treat for you and your family. If anyone asks if you are going, just tell the truth - she hasn't asked you. It says a lot more about you than it does her.

FruOla · 25/02/2013 10:52

Agreed, Arbitrary, that's why I thought it would be nice to send her a lovely card, which she can keep with all her other wedding mementos Wink Grin, (although she'll probably throw it away).

FruOla · 25/02/2013 10:53

Ooops - Xposted!

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 25/02/2013 10:57

I was all for ignoring her and moving on until the bridesmaid comment.

How old is your DD?

How regularly are you in contact with her? I mean - would you like go for lunch/coffee with her, do you live close by? Or is your interaction more random ie few times a year?

I wouldn't be able to carry on in a casual way with a person like that.

And - I think I would need to know WTF was up. If she is a good friend, has been for a while, and you think this is a real aberation.

I'd be sending her this email:

"Look, I'm afraid I find this whole thing a bit strange. I am very relieved that I didn't mention anything to DD in particular about being a bridesmaid. If there is something specific I've done to upset you, I would hope that we know each other well enough by now that you'd just say."

But if you're happy for the friendship to drift away then just leave it.

Cherriesarelovely · 25/02/2013 10:59

To be fair I did suggest my DP sent a card with a passive agressive message! I think actually she booked a couple of days holiday either side of the wedding weekend knowing that all her colleagues would be chatting about the wedding. She sent a quick chatty email to her colleague that was getting married before she left filling her in on a couple of work issues. Then in the P.S she wrote "Hope the wedding goes well...my invitation must have been lost in the post".

Needless to say she didn't get a response but made her point!

LadyHarrietdeSpook · 25/02/2013 11:01

If the fiance fancied you, I think you would have known by now, she would have cut you off earlier/shown signs she had issues with it. I don't think that it would have gotten this far.

I think it's something else personally.

StuntGirl · 25/02/2013 11:02

bobbi's idea sounds the best so far Grin

Greydog · 25/02/2013 11:06

How unkind. But I'm with Arbitrary and Frurola, lovely card for a lovely couple, so glad I was able to introduce you type of thing, and drop it off at the reception venue to be handed to the groom.

foreversunny · 25/02/2013 11:07

YANBU. How odd and horrid!

You're coming across as very dignifying too, wanted to tell you that Smile

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 25/02/2013 11:07

What a nasty piece of work, poor you.

SouthernComforts · 25/02/2013 11:08

Yanbu!!

I agree with pp about the jealousy aspect.

BobbiFleckmann · 25/02/2013 11:09

Send a telegram! Then she won't know about your wonderful passive aggressive goodwill wishes until the best man reads them out in front of everyone!

pictish · 25/02/2013 11:11

How have people reached the conclusion that her friend's fiance has a crush on her, and her friend is jealous?! Confused

It's an idea I suppose...among countless others.

Cherriesarelovely · 25/02/2013 11:21

Bobbi that is genius!