To feel a bit upset that my friend has not invited me to her wedding?

[stormforce10]

We've known each other since we were 11 and stayed good friends. I met her fiancee on a train which got delayed, we talked for hours, stayed in touch and a few years ago I introduced them and 10 months ago they got engaged.

This evening I spoke to her and she told me that she's decided not to invite me to their wedding in April as she only wants a small one. Fair enough but given she's invited all her work colleagues and quite a lot of our other friends and their families AIBU to feel somewhat upset and wonder if there is another reason she's decided to leave me out

[pictish]

I'd be all fuck you and ditch her no-friend-of-mine arse.

Who tells their 'friend' that they have decided not to invite them to their wedding?!

[hm32]

I guess the friendship isn't going to last if you just say nothing - you will feel hurt, upset and de-friended tbh. So why not just be upfront with her, say 'I know you said you were keeping it small, but I know that x, y, z etc are all going, and you've known them less long/are not as good friends with them. So what have I said/done to offend you?

[Domjolly]

People dont always reguard us in the same light as we view them

Also do you think deep down she thinks if you were single it would have been u and him


This often hapoens with friends the attached friend has a male mate who is awsome they then set them up with there bestie


The answer to that dilema is my husband say men dont keep inconatct with women in 90% of cases gay men exluded if they dont fancy you


A random man wont talk to you on a delaed train unless they think your hot simple i think there is more to this.


If you can deep down say if you hadnt made a pass at him before he and your bestie got together and he would of turned you down then i would say fair play but i very much doubut it


There is much more here

[LynetteScavo]

YANBU.

I would go for the passive aggressive card, but that's just me.

[Fillyjonk75]

She sounds awful, I really feel for you OP. One of my friends from work and an old friend of DH's got together through us inviting them both to a party at ours and we were not only invited to the wedding, but personally thanked in the speeches! That's what ought to happen between friends. I know it must be very hurtful, OP.

[fluffyraggies]

This is hurtful for you, OP. Hard to know how to handle this one, i agree.

Just one small thing - i hope you don't mind, but i picked up on it in your post about your male friends:
"There are one or two I've got a slightly more "interesting" history with but he is certianly not one of them."

Was this before you were married then? Also, weather it was or not maybe this fact is adding to her worries?

Just thinking out loud.

[FruOla]

Don't forget the bit where the BTB originally said that wanted the OP's DD to be her bridesmaid ... then ... totally ditched

[notactuallyme]

Hold on people! How often do you see her or them? A small wedding once people bring kids can become very expensive very fast. And was it a 'yay I'm engaged, please let dd be my bridesmaid on Xx.xx.20xx or a few years ago kind of, awww dd should be my bridesmaid if I get married? Because I hba e friends I was close too, whose dcs might have been a part of my wedding, had I been planning one, but who now I hardly hear from. And vice versa.

[SpicyPear]

YANBU. Drop her like a lead balloon. The numbers thing is bullshit if all these other people are invited. Whatever the reason behind it, I would just accept the message it sends and quietly walk away.

[knackeredmother]

That's awful, I would have to ask her or her fiancé. I'm sure this all about her, nothing you have done.

[expatinscotland]

She's not married to her partner, fluffy.

[Twistynickers]

Not surprised you feel upset.

The people who introduced us got pride of place at our wedding.

We owe the a lot.

[SilverClementine]

OP how awful. I agree with everyone who said drop and block.

Nothing says FU quite like an Oxfam giftcard for a wedding present unless the receiver really likes them

[chocolatemuffintop]

Liking the Oxfam giftcard suggestion, Silver...

Maybe you could buy her a goat?

[stormforce10]

Hello again. Wow this thread has moved while Ive been busy dealing with real life.

She seemed quite serious about dd being a bridesmaid. At one point she even sent me pictures of the dress she had in mind.

The friends I have the "interesting history" with were mainly people I had brief relationships with when I was a student but stayed freinds with. As for me being hot I can assure you I'm colder than luke warm. Men are not crowding around me, chance would be a fine thing! I was with DP when I met this guy and had every intention of staying with him and still am.

ah well who knows. Life is strange. Thank God I did not get round to mentioning the bridesmaid thing to dd. LUckily she was away at my mums when it was all suggested and then there was so much to alk about I thought I'd tell her nearer the time

[stormforce10]

oh and I see her once or twice a month so not exactly daily but fairly frequently. Anyway don't think I'll be seeing her so much now :(

[Christelle2207]

I would confront her and demand to know why you've been left out.
Then never speak to her again.
Yanbu.

[paddyclamp]

I'd confront her too! There's got to be something behind this! YANBU

[LadyHarrietdeSpook]

She sent you photos of the dress? OP is there anything you can think of that may have upset her? I would just ask. It could be a massive misunderstanding. If she were that much of a cow bag would you really have stayed friends all this time? It is juvenile for her not to raise something that has upset her. Is she worth giving the benefit of the doubt!

[DonderandBlitzen]

Could you email her and say "DD is very excited about being a bridesmaid and she really likes the dress idea you emailed." That should make her squirm!

Or you could email the man and say "I've always liked you. It's not too late you know." I'm just joking of course. I'd not send a card or congratulate them at all and I'd delete them from Facebook and cut off all contact. No need to be a doormat.

Sorry this happened. I was dumped by someone i thought was a friend and i still get sad about it sometimes.

[expatinscotland]

Just dump! Delete her on FB if you have an account. She rings, block her and then reject all her calls and texts. Block her on your email account. She wants to come round and show her face then tell her. But otherwise, good riddance to bad rubbish.

[Crikeyblimey]

This is very odd, poor you. I'd be feeling really hurt too.

I'm just wondering if there hasn't been a misunderstanding of some sort (clutching at straws that someone could be so hurtful).

How did the conversation go after she told you you weren't invited? Was it her parting shot or did she go on to chat about other stuff?

If she really isn't inviting you, then I'd do as others have suggested and consider the friendship over - no card or any other acknowledgement. I would try to summon up the courage (not good with confrontation) and ask her outright. You've nothing to lose.

[onedev]

Very hurtful & strange & in your position I'd have to ask what's going on. What have other friends said when you've said you're not invited? Could anyone there shed any light on what may be behind it? I hope you find out what's behind it, at least to put your mind to rest. Good luck.

[snuffaluffagus]

I wouldn't be able to not know why. Is there a mutual friend who can find out for you? If not I'd just ask her to be honest.