To feel a bit upset that my friend has not invited me to her wedding?

[stormforce10]

We've known each other since we were 11 and stayed good friends. I met her fiancee on a train which got delayed, we talked for hours, stayed in touch and a few years ago I introduced them and 10 months ago they got engaged.

This evening I spoke to her and she told me that she's decided not to invite me to their wedding in April as she only wants a small one. Fair enough but given she's invited all her work colleagues and quite a lot of our other friends and their families AIBU to feel somewhat upset and wonder if there is another reason she's decided to leave me out

[FellatioNels0n]

Great idea Bobbi.

Dear X & Y, warmest congratulations on your wedding day. I am so proud to be able to say that I occupy a special place in your history - as the person who introduced two dear mutual friends all those years ago. It's so sad that I am not occupying a special place in the room with you now, but I just want you to know that I am thinking of you both, and you truly deserve one another.

Love stormforce10.

[steppemum]

I think if she is a good, old friend, I would want to talk to her about it. I would send something, a note, and email (I personally would do note)

I would say that I have always thought we were good friends, and so was surprised to see that all her work colleagues were invited to the wedding and I wasn't.
Have I done something to offend upset you? If not then I was sad that she didn't value our friendship in the same way I did.

warning though, my mum always told me to be careful what you put in print!

[Thewhingingdefective]

YANBU. What a mean and hurtful thing to do. I reckon there must be another reason for not inviting you. Have you pissed her off somehow?

What about her fiancé? Doesn't he get a say? He was your friend before he knew her and he might want you to be at the wedding.

[Bogeyface]

Pict I personally think that she is jealous of something, but wouldnt like to say what. Top of my guess list would be that the OP was friends with him first and therefore has "history" that the friend doesn't. Pathetic, but I have seen it happen quite a few times. My friend has a hatred of anyone who knew her DH before she did, male and female. Their wedding was a joke tbh, his family was only there because she had to allow them to be

[Bogeyface]

If I was to contact anyone it would be the male friend. She may not have told him the whole truth as to why you are not invited.

[xigris]

Oh you poor thing. You have every right to be upset and you're most definitely NBU. I'd be so hurt in this situation. I also think that there's more to this than meets the eye: maybe the fiancé did / does have a thing for you? Or are you spectacularly gorgeous and she doesn't want to be upstaged on her wedding day? . Either way or whatever the reason I'd say that she most definitely has the problem and not you. Weddings are hard to organise; we have a huge family and there was no way we could have invited all our friends plus family to the whole of our wedding day so in the end we kept the meal etc to the bare minimum (still ended up 70+) and compensated by having a huge kick-ass party that we could invite all our friends to. But! In this instance I think she's being pretty unpleasant ("we decided not to invite you"). What's that about? Very unkind and not someone I'd want to be friends with! I'd be tempted to 'out' her and tell the friends who've been calling you to make plans exactly what she said!

[ArbitraryUsername]

In this situation, I'd assume that both bride and groom had decided not to invite me. And I'd distance myself from the pair of them.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

So late finding this thread, anything I would have said has been uttered already but YANBU and whatever the reason, sadly I think this friendship has 'left the building'.

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

Gosh how upsetting. What did you say when she said she only wanted a small wedding (given you knew so many people who were going)? It's not so weird that she wouldn't invite you per se, more that she obviously did intend to and now doesn't. Have things cooled between you generally in the intervening time?

[atthewelles]

Definitely something odd going on here. Is she inclined to be the jealous, possessive type? Or the type who can very easily take offence and has people walking on egg shells around her?

I think I would just have no further contact with her. She sounds horrible.

[Peevish]

OP, what did you say at the time, when she told you she'd (or they had?) decided not to invite you? It is quite an extraordinary thing for her to have said, and I was just wondering how on earth you responded?

No advice, sorry, other than that of course, as you know, YANBU. But difficult to manage to find out why without it looking as if you are begging for an invite, which you obviously are not.

[Peevish]

But I'm finding the suggestion about her being jealous of your longer-standing relationship with her fiancé a bit mad, to be honest, if there isn't a scrap of evidence that is the case...

[fromparistoberlin]

another to say to dump her

trim, first and foremost delete from FB as seeing her photos will make u feel shit

nayone who says your DD can be bridesmaid, then trim you and invite work ppl is not worth it

OK this is v immature, but DUMO her loike a hot potato as she has clearly dumped you

cowbag, you dont need her

[fromparistoberlin]

DUMP

not dumo!!

[Bogeyface]

peevish sadly while it is mad, it also happens. As I said I know several people like this who have no reason at all to feel that way. The friend I mentioned above loathes anyone who knew him before she did, including his family. She has been known to go postal about conversations about when he was a child because it is insensitive apparantly

He sees none of his old friends and barely any of his family. Go figure

[Jestrin]

There is certainly a back story to this which is why she hasn't invited you and you should find out what it is.

[Southeastdweller]

How incredibly hurtful of her. I too would be feeling really upset.

Agree with ladyharriet about the message though ideally I would want to meet face to face. If t was an acquaintance or colleague then I would leave it but not for someone I think of as a good friend and for such a long period. She'll probably make something up of courses and one way or another I doubt the friendship would ever be the same again it but I would want to have it out with her.

[Southeastdweller]

Forgot to add that isn't it weird about weddings bringing out the worst in some people?

[maddening]

Yanbu - of course she can invite who she likes but just as those who have childless weddings or marry abroad have to accept some people won't be able to come she has to accept that snubbing a true friend will have an impact on that friendship. The damage is done now - she is a fool.

The biggest snub is work colleagues coming over a lifetime friend who was instrumental in your relationship even existing!

[LittleAbruzzenBear]

YANBU. Nothing wrong with a small wedding, but to not invite the friend that introduced her to her fiancé.....if it wasn't for you then there would be no wedding. As others have said, it sounds like a jealousy issue.

[HollaAtMeBaby]

YANBU. I would want to get to the bottom of it though.

[expatinscotland]

No cards, no passive aggressive BS. Just delete her.

[FellatioNels0n]

Actually expat Although I wrote that jokey PA 'telegram' I would never send it. I would do exactly hat you said. Delete, no discussion, walk away, never look back, good riddance.

[LittleAbruzzenBear]

I agree no passive aggressive stuff. I think most of us would want to send a telegram worded exactly like Fellatio suggested to your so-called friend, but Fellatio and others are right when they say delete these 'friends' from your contacts and walk away. If they treat you like this they're no friend.

[FruOla]

"If I was to contact anyone it would be the male friend. She may not have told him the whole truth as to why you are not invited."

I was musing (upthread) about how the BTB 'sold' the idea, to her fiance, that she wasn't going to invite storm. But storm can't really contact her male friend about this, can she, Bogey? It will probably make things worse. (But IKWYM !)