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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit upset that my friend has not invited me to her wedding?

276 replies

stormforce10 · 24/02/2013 22:52

We've known each other since we were 11 and stayed good friends. I met her fiancee on a train which got delayed, we talked for hours, stayed in touch and a few years ago I introduced them and 10 months ago they got engaged.

This evening I spoke to her and she told me that she's decided not to invite me to their wedding in April as she only wants a small one. Fair enough but given she's invited all her work colleagues and quite a lot of our other friends and their families AIBU to feel somewhat upset and wonder if there is another reason she's decided to leave me out

OP posts:
WorkingItOutAsIGo · 27/02/2013 15:51

Expat, yes, that may be what happened. Or maybe someone told her something they truly believed in a way which was really convincing, and she was broken-hearted but tried to act with dignity - didn't call up and abuse the OP, didn't just not invite her but took the trouble to give her a polite excuse, etc etc.

They are all just different ways of explaining the facts - but we don't know all the facts, we are just words on a screen as they say. The OP who knows the people concerned will know better whether this is vile behaviour without excuses, or whether it is forgiveable.

PS and no, am not Bridezilla, nor have I ever been in this circumstance! I lead a very dull life Grin

pigletmania · 27/02/2013 15:55

Working why didn't the friend if she is a close one tat op says just confide in her Hmm. I would not want to be friends with somebody who thought so little of me, obviously after all these years does not seem to know op

StephaniePowers · 27/02/2013 16:51

Well, I think there are a lot of question marks about this, and the OP hasn't been back, so I'm going to say I bet it isn't precisely as laid out in her first posts. Smile

choccyp1g · 27/02/2013 20:42

My theory is that OP did sleep with the groom, and has created this thread to throw everyone off the track.

hermioneweasley · 27/02/2013 20:54

Choccypig - ha! A clever double bluff!

Figgygal · 27/02/2013 21:00

Just read the whole thing.......fuck em OP you don't need friends like that any of them!!

mum47 · 27/02/2013 21:03

Oh my goodness OP, I was reading through this thread thinking it was bad enough for you, but I could not believe the turn of events! I wonder if she has confronted her fiance about what she thought happened - she really needs be sorting out her own head about her reaction to what she had thought he had done, rather than projecting blame onto you. What a horrible thing for you to be having to go through.Sad

Original poster
stormforce10 · 27/02/2013 21:08

For clarity since there seems to be some confusion

  1. I know exactly who the gossip is. I've not calmed down enough to rip her throat out talk to her yet but I will.
  1. I have no idea whether her fiancee slept with anyone or not and if he did who it was.
  1. I haven't yet decided how I feel about the whole situation. I can not let it dominate my life. In a week or so may arrange to meet up with "friend" who has texted several times asking to see me and saying sorry to try to talk this through. I don't want to throw away a 25 year long friendship without at least understanding why

I'm focussing on sorting out my finances, looking after my children and starting to declutter my house I can't let this horrible situation dominate my life

OP posts:
Original poster
stormforce10 · 27/02/2013 21:09

Sorry Choccypig I'm a one man woman

OP posts:
pigletmania · 27/02/2013 21:36

Oh op I hope you sortthings out. Mabey it's a good idea to meet so tat you can tell her how you feel and he hurt that has made you. You said tat you don't want to throw this long friendship away, so mabey tell her how you feel and start with rules. Do you think you go to her wedding?

hermioneweasley · 27/02/2013 21:42

Storm - now you know what's been going on, you hold all the cards. You are now in control of what you do and when. If you have other positive things you would rather give your time and energy to, then go ahead. You don't owe the bride or the gossip to work to a timetable of their choosing.

foslady · 28/02/2013 00:05

Think you have a good plan/outlook there Storm, and I'm glad that your friend appears to have realised the damage she's done by not thinking things through properly. I'm just relieved for you that it hasn't impacted on your and your dh's relationship

NessieMcFessie · 28/02/2013 06:50

storm - your friend certainly did some things wrong here, but it does sound to me that she is having a hard time and could use some help from a good, old friend? Maybe she is really insecure or having issues and it has all manifested itself in this weird situation where she very wrongly blamed you.

If I was you I would meet her, give her the chance to really apologise - forgive her (it is often the people that mean the most we take for granted), and then help her out with her issues. You seem like a good friend. What could be going through her head?

minouminou · 28/02/2013 08:50

Do you think there's a way back from this, OP?

DonderandBlitzen · 28/02/2013 10:18

But you haven't said how you know who the gossip is and what motivation they have. I'm assuming you didn't sleep with the gossip's husband as you said you are a one man woman.

Maryz · 28/02/2013 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 28/02/2013 11:12

I agree with Maryz tbh it does not matter how long you have known her, she though so little if you to do a thing like that and she dd not have the guts to discuss I with you, accept to cut you out of the wedding. Even if you did irgive her and try again with he friendship I would not go to th wedding and the friendship just would not be te same

FruOla · 28/02/2013 19:12

I fear that storm is now in an even more difficult situation.

Nobody knows who else the Gossip has spoken to - what if he/she has been spreading this around their social circle? If storm is seen to have fallen out with the BTB, what if other people, who've heard the gossip, add 2 + 2 and make 7?

The breaking off of the friendship could imply that she's guilty. So, whatever she does, she needs to ensure that her good reputation remains intact. (I think a few PPs have suggested something similar earlier).

Imaginethat · 28/02/2013 20:35

Do we believe there really is A Gossip? Possibly it is in the bride's mind.

choccyp1g · 28/02/2013 20:51

Sorry to offend OP, really I was just bumping the thread and couldn't resist stirring a bit.

Grin

CSIJanner · 26/04/2013 23:29

Bumping in the hope of an update...

DeskPlanner · 27/04/2013 08:13

I'd also be interested in an update

Figgygal · 27/04/2013 08:17

How odd!! Yanbu and I think u need to have words with her about this.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 27/04/2013 08:31

Hi OP - how are things?

GibberTheMonkey · 27/04/2013 09:45

Something very very similar happened to me with my best friend who I had known since I was four. Don't want to say too much on here but as I am still friends with her but it does also still really hurt nearly ten years later.

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