to not understand people announcing that they're 'Getting Engaged'.

[atthewelles]

I mean, either you've agreed between you that you want to get married or you haven't. Tellling everyone that you're 'going to get engaged at Christmas' or that 'we're going to Paris to get engaged' doesn't really make sense. Surely its more exciting to wait until you have the ring and then make a general announcement that you 'are engaged' instead of letting everyone know in advance and then expecting them to get excited and ooh and aah when you appear with a diamond flashing on your finger.

I'm not giving out about it, I just don't understand why people want to take the excitement and surprise out of the occasion like this.

YOS was upset at people calling her engagement 'pathetic and meaningless' and the fact that she was letting it bother her

I find it astounding that LaQueen's 'IMO' post was singled out when other people are being utter cunts on this thread.

I actually went back through the thread to see had LaQueen made some posts I'd missed. I too find it hard to understand why her posts were singled out.

A long engagement isnt really that different to being with somebody years and years before you get engaged.Personally in both situations I often wonder what kept them so long from marrying,and why didnt they do it a lot earlier on and especially if they have ever broken up temporarily during that time.

I think some of the comments have been uncalled for and a bit insensitive (although not LaQueen's particularly so why she has been singled out I don't know. )

The thing that bewilders people is that you either have a general assumption/understanding that you want to stay together for life, and no-one needs to formally propose to anyone, OR you can just decide in a lovely post-coital chat one day that the time is right to start thinking seriously about that wedding, so you go ring shopping, and bingo! You're engaged.

OR...you are genuinely taken by surprise with a formal proposal. Now you may have been half expecting (or hoping for) that proposal at some point, due to the aforementioned general understanding. But it needs to be a surprise for at least one of you, surely? Either planned by your partner, or completely spontaneous. All good.

What is odd though, is to have discussed the fact that you'd like to marry, and then have a pre-arranged time and date to be formally proposed to. By appointment. Not spontaneous, and IMHO not romantic, and I personally think it's a little bit cheesy and odd. I make no apologies for that. If you disagree that's fine. But I certainly don't think I should be feeling bad about having offended anyone by finding it cheesy and odd.

sorry, that first 'OR' should have been 'and'

Me and DH got engaged on a bus on the night bus in Hudderfield 25 years ago with just a leaf as an engagement ring. We didn't get married for 10 years. What do you all think of that then, eh, eh?

And one of DH's 'mates' said to my future MIL 'Don't think of it as losing a son, just gaining a freak' Due to my rather punk like appearance. Twat. He went on to marry his cousin............

not 'on a bus on the night bus' that would be stupid. Just on the night bus, obv

oh and we didn't plan our engagement. Twas all very spontanious. If we had planned it I expect we would have chosen Castle Hill or somewhere............

I've had a look at that other thread.
I agree things got a bit nasty on here for a few posts and it was totally off to call someone's engagement 'pathetic' but, to be honest, I think that other thread smacks a bit of a child running sobbing to her mum with a skewed and distorted version of some incident that happened in the playground with herself as 100% the victim. I found it a bit

I havent got time for breaking up and getting back together thing. I know a few friends in relationships like it and I think they like the drama of it. Its not something I can see the point of tbh.

There's a thread in Flouncer's corner linked with this one.
It's just a difference of perspective, this thread shows that there are hundreds of different ways of conducting relationships and what is of incredible significance to one couple barely registers with another. The diversity is the point, otherwise we might just as well be Moonies or clones.

In Flouncers Corner (which I never knew existed until just now) LaQueen. YouoldSlag is upset (fair enough) but I personally think she's giving a misleading impression of this thread.

On a different tangent, I've no idea why people spend a fortune on their wedding day. Or on hen/stag nights. Or getting married in a distant and exotic and expensive location and expecting everyone to schlep out there.
But others do, and it matters to them, in the same way that some like to plan everything, from when to get engaged to when to TTC.

I got engaged having known about it for a few days beforehand. We went out for a meal especially and then went on to the spot where exp wanted to propose. It was lovely and I was very happy with it.
I'm not offended if people think it was a bit odd, or cheesy or just not very romantic. I will be offended if people then proceed to call me 'pathetic' and that special moment 'meaningless', and shall not hesitate to say so.

I don't think it was a case of 'a child sobbing to her mum', she was just upset that people were being unnecessarily mean about a time that she remembers fondly, and wanted a bit of reassurance. People come on MN looking for reassurance all the time, sometimes they get it, sometimes not.

I didn't get the feeling that she was bothered that people disagreed with how she felt, or was telling tales about it.

DH and I had a discussion about it where we agreed that if we were still together in 3 years, still felt the same way about each other and had passed our professional qualifications by then (God, the romance of it all!) then we'd get married.

At that point we considered ourselves engaged and told family about it. There were some pointed comments about lack of a ring from certain aged relatives but it was something we wanted to choose for ourselves.

Having chosen the ring in the shop (about 6 months after that conversation), DH told me it needed altering to fit and it would take a week. So I was taken completely by surprise when 3 days later he took me to a nearby lake, went down on one knee and proposed "properly", then took me out to dinner at a restaurant he'd booked in advance. So I had the best of both worlds :)

It was only then we really told people outside the family that we were engaged, but we'd considered ourselves in that state from the moment of our discussion (which took place on the floor of the living room in the shared house we were in, in front of the gas fire because it was the warmest place there!). We got married about 4 years later (pesky exams) and had our 22nd anniversary last year.

I don't particularly understand planning an engagement 'scene' , but if the 2 people involved want to stage it like that (I use the words scene and staged because that's honestly how it appears to me) then that's their business and doesn't necessarily reflect anything about their relationship.

And having read all 11 pages of this thread I fail to see where LaQ has been offensive...

What mrswollowitz said.

How fucking sad that one person is being so mean about someone else's engagement.

As to the OP, I don't give a shiny shite either way, as long as other people aren't offended or hurt (and why on earth would they be?).