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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand people announcing that they're 'Getting Engaged'.

330 replies

atthewelles · 18/02/2013 13:12

I mean, either you've agreed between you that you want to get married or you haven't. Tellling everyone that you're 'going to get engaged at Christmas' or that 'we're going to Paris to get engaged' doesn't really make sense. Surely its more exciting to wait until you have the ring and then make a general announcement that you 'are engaged' instead of letting everyone know in advance and then expecting them to get excited and ooh and aah when you appear with a diamond flashing on your finger.

I'm not giving out about it, I just don't understand why people want to take the excitement and surprise out of the occasion like this.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 20/02/2013 20:22

smelly your friends are twats of the highest order Grin

Booyhoo · 20/02/2013 20:25

no, not nice at all.

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 20:29

I'll live.

ChaChaDigregorio · 20/02/2013 20:32

Not bothered either way. Am bothered by people talking to others on here in a way that they wouldn't dare to in RL. Horrible, horrible.

VitoCorleone · 20/02/2013 21:22

On another site i was on somebody actually had a 'ticker' saying..

"3 years, 6 months 1 week and 4 days until we start TTC baby number 3"

I kid you not it was well over 3 years away, and i thought "you know the exact date, almost 4 years into the future when you're gonna start trying for a baby? Why?!"

Pure crazyness and probably completly off topic

tametortie · 20/02/2013 23:51

What an awful thread! Have just read it from the start and am disgusted.

nasty nasty nasty.

MN at its worst.

FakePlasticLobsters · 21/02/2013 00:30

It wasn't awful at the start. It was a genuine discussion about what point do a couple actually become engaged.

And the two prevailing ideas from the thread are either when they discuss marriage and both seem to be in agreement that that is where they want their relationship to go or at some set date in the future when a ring/big party/special location/large crowd of witnesses/priests ring blessing has been arranged.

And the OP's original question was a simple one. If you have reached the point of telling people that you are getting engaged at a set date in the future, or even just agreed with each other to get engaged soon, are you actually and in fact already engaged from that point on.

Bessie123 · 21/02/2013 00:37

Wow, I just came on this thread to be nosy, I didn't expect to feel disgusted. laqueen do you have to be so unpleasant in all your posts?

The problem is, I reckon, that all this getting engaged business is important to some people and loads of you are shitting all over it.

Booyhoo · 21/02/2013 00:40

this definitely isn't MN at it's worst. i've seen far worse than this. nonetheless this did get unnecessarily nasty and hurtful.

Original poster
atthewelles · 21/02/2013 10:06

people can do what the fuck they choose to do, thankfully we live in a free world where if we want to celebrate and announce our engagement to the whole world we can.

god some sour people on mn atm Quote

I really have to take issue with that. I started this thread questioning the concept of announcing in advance that you were going to get engaged as I assumed the moment you became engaged was the moment you both decided to get married.
It had nothing to do with people celebrating and announcing their engagement and your post is unfair.

OP posts:
Original poster
atthewelles · 21/02/2013 10:08

As is Tametortie's

Question individual posts if you find them nasty. Do not generalise about a thread that started with a genuine question. I think it is posts like your's that are MN at its worst ie distorting other people's posts and then name calling. That happens a lot on here and is deeply unpleasant.

OP posts:
ChestyLeRoux · 21/02/2013 10:25

My mum and dad knew we were getting engaged but no one else did.However we had only knew each other 2 months,we were both 18,my mum picked my engagement ring! and dh took out his entire full time pay packet on day 1 of the month to pay for it in cash and then we lived like tramps for the rest of month.Grin

We were young and in love though and weve been married years now and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

perplexedpirate · 21/02/2013 10:32

big announcement
I am planning to comment on the thread!

perplexedpirate · 21/02/2013 10:36

Ok, here it is.
I don't see the point of planning an engagement at all BUT some people on here are coming across like they have sand in their vaginas.
I mean, it's not thing people can do is it?

FakePlasticLobsters · 21/02/2013 10:45

"The problem is, I reckon, that all this getting engaged business is important to some people and loads of you are shitting all over it."

Getting engaged was important to me, and it happened over the phone during a conversation about what we both wanted in the future of our relationship. We didn't even get to see each other for another week after that, and it took a couple more weeks to find a ring. But we were engaged from that moment on the phone and when we told people, we told them that we were engaged, not getting engaged, and it was no less important to us than to someone who plans an engagement for six months down the line and then spends those six months telling all and sundry about it.

Which was the point of the OP's question. If you say you are getting engaged in six months time, and you are both aware of the fact and agreed to it, to the point of announcing that you will be getting engaged on X date to friends and family, aren't you actually already engaged from that point on?

It's not shitting all over someone else's choice to ask that question, any more than it is to suggest that the people who don't announce that they will be getting engaged in six months time and instead just get engaged have not discussed it properly or don't view it as being as important as others do.

MrsWolowitzerables · 21/02/2013 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWolowitzerables · 21/02/2013 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
atthewelles · 21/02/2013 10:53

Will people please stop saying the thread is awful. There are loads and loads of perfectly normal posts on this thread, in fact they are probably in the vast majority Sad

OP posts:
MrsWolowitzerables · 21/02/2013 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sapphirestar · 21/02/2013 11:10

What MrsWolowitzerables said

Original poster
atthewelles · 21/02/2013 11:13

Well I am taking it personally because when people say 'oh what a nasty thread' it sounds as if they're saying the topic of thread is a nasty one. But obviously that's not what you meant Smile

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/02/2013 11:25

OMG there are some pedantic, joyless, fun sucking people around! Grin

What happened to romance?

YOS, your engagement sounds wonderful and something you'll always have to look back on and smile.

If you went to Paris to get engaged, then you went to Paris to get engaged - it's that simple and whoever said it was pathetic, needs to take a long hard look at why they felt the need to piss on your chips.

sapphirestar · 21/02/2013 11:30

Hear hear Worra, I saw YOS on the other thread and felt really sorry for her!
Would the people calling her pathetic have felt the need to reduce her to tears had they seen her at a coffee shop or toddler group??

Original poster
atthewelles · 21/02/2013 11:33

What was the other thread?

OP posts:
LaQueen · 21/02/2013 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.