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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand people announcing that they're 'Getting Engaged'.

330 replies

atthewelles · 18/02/2013 13:12

I mean, either you've agreed between you that you want to get married or you haven't. Tellling everyone that you're 'going to get engaged at Christmas' or that 'we're going to Paris to get engaged' doesn't really make sense. Surely its more exciting to wait until you have the ring and then make a general announcement that you 'are engaged' instead of letting everyone know in advance and then expecting them to get excited and ooh and aah when you appear with a diamond flashing on your finger.

I'm not giving out about it, I just don't understand why people want to take the excitement and surprise out of the occasion like this.

OP posts:
YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 18:26

*I think going to Paris to "get engaged" is pathetic. To celebrate the engagement, fine. To "get engaged" is meaningless. If you had already agreed to get married, you were already engaged.

And sorry, your personal experience aside, there's little doubt that for lots of people it's all about their BIG DAY and such marriages barely make it to the end of the year. The fact that YOU have been married for 7 years (whoooo-hoooooo!) doesn't negate that.*

Ellie, what an uncalled for and bitchy remark.

Our engagement/proposal/whatever was a private moment between us, no friends or family present and I really didn't think I would ever come across anyone who would tell me it was pathetic or meaningless.

YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 18:30

*I think going to Paris to "get engaged" is pathetic. To celebrate the engagement, fine. To "get engaged" is meaningless. If you had already agreed to get married, you were already engaged.

And sorry, your personal experience aside, there's little doubt that for lots of people it's all about their BIG DAY and such marriages barely make it to the end of the year. The fact that YOU have been married for 7 years (whoooo-hoooooo!) doesn't negate that.*

Ellie, what an uncalled for and bitchy remark.

Our engagement/proposal/whatever was a private moment between us, no friends or family present and I really didn't think I would ever come across anyone who would tell me it was pathetic or meaningless.

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 18:35

Was responding to your "what a ridiculous assumption" remark.

If you're going to talk like that to me, expect a similar response.

OK?

"Our engagement/proposal/whatever was a private moment between us" What are you telling me for then?

BookWormery · 20/02/2013 19:00

Killjoy miserableists are my absolute favourite type of people. People who get 'whisked off to Paris' (as opposed to 'went to Paris') my least favourite. I suspect those that feel similarly hate this bullshit and those that don't, love it.

Anyway, loving this thread!

smellysocksandchickenpox · 20/02/2013 19:00

Most pathetic engagement I've known:

engagement part 1 (and only IMO): out to dinner, he says he wants to marry her, she says she wants to marry him but he had to get down on one knee with a ring. At this point I consider them engaged personally!

engagement no2: he gets ring following the dinner (chosen by her, friends instructed to tell him which one to get), he is liasing with their friends about how and where to do "the proposal", but ends up getting down on one knee somewhere non significant after a few drinks and saying "will you marry me".... again she says "you know I will, but you have to ask me properly

engagement no3, the one SHE counts as when they got engaged: go out for posh dinner "to get engaged", she's been to beautician and hairdresser for the occassion, he orders champagne, gets attention of whole restaraunt, gets down on one knee, she blubs and does a big "OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE IT" performance Hmm

we're all invited round to "see the ring" - never mind that he's already shown us all and she's been emailing us all links to pics of it for weeks...... THIS WAS NOT THE OFFICIAL ENGAGEMENT PARTY!! oh no that was yet to come!!

idiots!

YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 19:22

"Our engagement/proposal/whatever was a private moment between us" What are you telling me for then?

because many comments on this thread imply that planning to get engaged is a form of attention seeking. I was countering that with a response that a quiet trip abroad alone together is not attention seeking.

Good God alive, this thread has got so nasty. Sometimes the vitriol on MN astounds me. I've been here five years and cannot believe some of this.

And it's all about people getting engaged. The bastards.

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 19:28

Excuse me - but really. You thundered onto this thread, telling us all off for daring to be discussing something & coming up with a different POV to you & then calling my (perfectly justified) comments "ridiculous".

You cannot have it all your own way. If you're going to call us all miserable killjoys then you are not exactly endearing yourself to us, are you? At least one person (moi) is likely to play you at your own game.

You want to be treated with respect? You first.

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 19:29

I love that story, Smelly. Are they still together? The wedding should be a hoot Wink

Booyhoo · 20/02/2013 19:40

i'm with youold this has turned awful. ellie you are being very schoolgirl.

YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 19:41

Ellie, nobody ever "thunders" on to a thread. It's called joining in.

I called your POV ridiculous because you implied that people who "plan" to get engaged only last 12 months. I still maintain that is a sweeping and groundless statement.

I still think that if people are planning to get engaged i.e to many people this means the moment the ring goes on, then let them. Anger and slagging it off does seem a bit mean to me when these people are neither hurting anyone nor asking anyone to pay for the ring.

That is why I called it a killjoy thing as I think "planning" to get engaged is completely harmless and up to the couple involved.

YouOldSlag · 20/02/2013 19:42

I do think engagement parties should die out though since weddings have become such a circus now.

NotDavidTennant · 20/02/2013 19:44

Wow, I didn't realise that my & DWs engagement broke so many Mumsnest faux pas.

We informally agreed that we were going to get married but didn't consider ourselves to be offically engaged yet...

Then we went to buy the engagement ring together (DW wouldn't dare trust me to pick a decent one on my own) and I hid it away in anticipation of doing a traditional "down on one knee" proposal...

Said proposal happened at a suprise engagement party I arranged...

After which everyone proceeded to have a piss up!

I shall await my banishment to Netmums. Wink

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 19:50

Am I? Oh well. There are worse things to be....

You Fine. You were very dismissive & rather rude about everyone's POV - even suggesting that we shouldn't discuss it at all Hmm Your tone was not one of "joining in", it was telling us off.

As a rule of thumb, I think planning to get engaged is silly & childish, and is the kind of thing that's seen on TOWIE.

Do people have the right? Sure. Do I have the right to pass comment and say what I think? Also - sure.

That's life.

And I would rather be a miserable, killjoy of a schoolgirl than someone intent on creating their own Mills & Boon story.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 20/02/2013 19:54

YouOldSlag Wed 20-Feb-13 19:22:37

because many comments on this thread imply that planning to get engaged is a form of attention seeking. I was countering that with a response that a quiet trip abroad alone together is not attention seeking

But you'd told everybody first (please tell me if I'm wrong). That's the bit that baffles me. It's all a bit...rehearsed.

It's the telling everyone you're going to do it, that I don't understand. Why not just go and do it? Then tell everyone when you got back.

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 19:54

I do think engagement parties should die out though since weddings have become such a circus now

HOW VERY DARE YOU?? What a sweeping generalisation. You are being RIDICULOUS.

My wedding was quiet and sedate. We had 8 people, including the Vicar and had pie and mash down the pub. It was precious - I am appalled that you would call it a "circus"!

(Do you see? The whole comment was not about you personally, but you took it personally. Big mistake).

But I shouldn't have used the word "pathetic". That was provocative & wrong.

germyrabbit · 20/02/2013 19:55

people can do what the fuck they choose to do, thankfully we live in a free world where if we want to celebrate and announce our engagement to the whole world we can.

god some sour people on mn atm

Booyhoo · 20/02/2013 19:58

"But I shouldn't have used the word "pathetic". That was provocative & wrong. And I'm sorry "

Wink
MarkGruffalohohoho · 20/02/2013 20:03

On behalf of Youoldslag who is sobbing on another thread Allez vous faire foutre vos cons miserables**....as they might say in Paris Smile

**Bugger off you miserable cunts

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 20:10

I'm not though, BooYoo, so find someone else to patronise Wink

Booyhoo · 20/02/2013 20:12

you aren't sorry? for doing something you admit was wrong? why not? Confused

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 20:14

On behalf of Youoldslag who is sobbing on another thread

Is she? Perhaps "pathetic" was not the wrong choice of word then.

Booyhoo · 20/02/2013 20:16

do you even know why she is sobbing before calling her pathetic? you aren't coming across as a nice person at all ellie.

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 20:18

"Sorry" suggests an emotion I am not inclined to feel given her earlier attitude.

Objectively, I should have tempered my language.

BeerTricksPotter · 20/02/2013 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllieArroway · 20/02/2013 20:22

Well, presumably it's over what a complete stranger thinks about an event they weren't there to witness 7 years ago!

Good grief.

And I thought the religious threads were bad for precious, hurt feelings.

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