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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what reasons people give for being willing to accept an organ but not donate

593 replies

crashdoll · 13/02/2013 20:20

What the title says really.

I am happy for all my organs to be donated when I'm gone. I'd also accept an organ transplant if I was in that position. I know there are religious reaons for not donating certain organs but I do wonder how people can rationalise not donating organs if they are willing to accept.

OP posts:
HairyPotter · 14/02/2013 13:52

I thought that would be the case Sad

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 13:53

There is no need to be sad hairy I'm perfectly happy with my choices.

EasilyBored · 14/02/2013 13:57

I find it utterly disgusting that you would allow your DC to receive an organ under the false pretence that you are willing to make a similar donation. You're a liar.

HeyHoHereWeGo · 14/02/2013 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 13:59

If I was forced into that choice then yes I would be a liar. Thankfully that is not the case so I can be honest about it

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 14:00

heyho I never said anything about watching eastenders and knowing my rights etc so if your comments are aimed at me I suggest you revise them.

weegiemum · 14/02/2013 14:02

I'd donate if I could.

But I have a neurological illness that requires treatment with intravenous immunoglobulins (a blood product) once a month, so I can't give blood or donate bone marrow or organs (I was on all 3 registers before I got ill)

My dh is on the organ donor register and we talked several years ago about our dc - if any of them was lying on life support ready to be switched off, we would donate all the bits they could use, to stop anyone else going through that loss. It would be heartbreaking, but I think that donating their organs would help with grief. But I've never been bereaved tha way, so I can't say.

clucky80 · 14/02/2013 14:03

Thanks Wiley :)

Fairy - I am so glad that you are in the minority here because if everyone was like you I would be dead now! To be fair though, I guess at least you are saying it and there are probably other people who feel the same as you. I sincerely hope that you or any of your children ever need an organ transplant as it is not a good place to be.

I have had a DS since my transplant and he is the 3rd baby born to someone in the UK who has had my kind of transplant and 21st in the world. I was so worried about my donors mums' reaction to the news that I had had a baby as I thought she may be angry with me and think that I had put his organs at risk (I was told that I had a very good prognosis) but in fact she was overjoyed and told me that when her son died and she donated his organs, that the best she could hope was that another mother out there could see her child grow into adulthood (me) and she had never dreamed that new life may have been born as a result.

Andro · 14/02/2013 14:04

FairyJen - I don't agree with your stance, but credit to you for having the guts to be so honest about your position on the matter.

clucky80 · 14/02/2013 14:05

Sorry that should have been 'never need a transplant'.

Catchingmockingbirds · 14/02/2013 14:05

fairy you wouldn't be forced into the choice as you wouldn't have to accept an organ. You could refuse.

Catchingmockingbirds · 14/02/2013 14:06

What a lovely story clucky.

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 14:08

Thank you andro I know it is unpopular but I did want to give an honest answer to the op and I do think that many others share my feelings so wanted to portray an alternative reason to a medical or religious reason as to why people wouldn't donate but still accept

OverlyYappy · 14/02/2013 14:09

We had a death in our family, a relatives fiancee, the relative didn't want her donate but she had her card so he respected her wishes.

6 months later he was forwarded the most beautiful letter from someone life she had saved, jesus christ I am welling up thinking about it now, it happened a few years back on Valentines Day.

I think everyone has a right to their view and I think many other possible feel like Fairy but just do not say tbh! I am unsure if any of my organs would be any good (smoke and abused body from 17-21) but I carry a card, I do however have something about my eyes not being used. That may change.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 14/02/2013 14:09

I've once tried to donate blood and when they took my medical history, which included fainting, they said it was best if I did not give blood. I felt rather rejected as it was something I wanted to do.

I have just looked into the bone marrow register and you can only go on their register if you donate blood. So the bone marrow register doesn't want me either. Sad

I haven't fainted for years so I don't really see it as a concern but they did. I may try to donate when I am no longer pregnant.

Also just looked into cord blood donation, as someone mentioned it above, but it is only hospitals around the London area who are experienced to do it. What a shame that placentas around the rest of the country are just thrown away when I would imagine many people would consent to having cord blood taken.

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 14:10

*cathing obviously I would want my dc to get an organ if the alternative was death. When I say forced I mean that if the law stated you could only receive an organ if you were willing to donate. I would do anything to keep my dc alive

clucky80 · 14/02/2013 14:10

Thanks Catching :) I am so so lucky and fortunate that there are amazing people like most of those on here who can make such a brave and courageous decision at the most tragic of times.

weegiemum · 14/02/2013 14:11

I think that (depending on when I needed it) I might well refuse an organ (unless they learn how to transplant damaged nerves).

I've got now, at 42, a 20 y life expectancy (we can expect my nerve deterioration to mean that in the end I can't move, then can't talk, then can't breathe). So now, I'd take a kidney, as it would let me see my dc of 9,11,13 into adulthood. Even in 10 years I might, to see my grandchildren. After that : I'd rather a younger person with a longer life expectancy got the help, as I'm going to die young anyway due to my illness (it's related to, but not the same as, multiple sclerosis).

TantrumsAndBalloons · 14/02/2013 14:11

Does no one think that there are many other people who have the same opinion as fairyjen but just dont admit it and give other reasons not to donate?

I am willing to donate my organs, my DH is not. He does give blood on a regular basis and is quite open about the fact that he has no intention of donating his organs but if he needed a transplant he would accept it.

Nothing I can do about that. It doesnt make him a horrible, selfish person IMO.

I think i would rather people were upfront and honest in their beliefs, not hiding behind an excuse.

Not everyone is going to feel the same way about this, are they?

Whether you think its right or wrong is irrelevant, it is individual choice.

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 14:11

catching sorry

expatinscotland · 14/02/2013 14:13

I'd have donated my child's organs had it been possible. She had had leukaemia so could not donate, but it would have been a comfort to know some part of her was still alive in someone else, and had allowed them to get the chance she did not.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 14/02/2013 14:19

Is it really true your family can refuse to donate your organs even if you're on the register? When I signed up 5 years ago the website said next of kin can't opt you out Confused

DontEvenThinkAboutIt · 14/02/2013 14:20

I am on the register and all my family are aware of it. My DH and DC are also all happy to donate.

It does seem very odd that people find it unpalatable to give organs but are happy to accept organs. It doesn't make sense.

WillieWaggledagger · 14/02/2013 14:22

i am on the donor register and don't care if one of my organs is given to (e.g.) an alcoholic. i would be dead, they would be alive and more in need of it than i would.

yes i would ideally like an organ to go to someone who's going to look after it (and who's to say an alcoholic wouldn't), but really, i'm not going to make judgements about who deserves them or not. it would be up to doctors after all

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 14:22

I think they can ria yes when my gmother died despite her being on the register drs still asked my mum if she was happy to go ahead with this having said that my grandmother did have dementia so not sure if this had an impact on them asking