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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what reasons people give for being willing to accept an organ but not donate

593 replies

crashdoll · 13/02/2013 20:20

What the title says really.

I am happy for all my organs to be donated when I'm gone. I'd also accept an organ transplant if I was in that position. I know there are religious reaons for not donating certain organs but I do wonder how people can rationalise not donating organs if they are willing to accept.

OP posts:
FairyJen · 14/02/2013 13:19

I know it's selfish and I have admitted that. If everybody was selfish then donation wouldn't be an option anyway would it so that's sort of a moot point

Pigsmummy · 14/02/2013 13:19

Medicines and medical treatment is most common reason. A logic life saving meds result in unusable organs.

MarianneM · 14/02/2013 13:22

But Fairy, there are other children who need organs.

Do we not have any pity for other people beyond ourselves and our families?

Xiaoxiong · 14/02/2013 13:23

FairyJen interestingly I have almost the diametrically opposite view as you. If my DH or DS died, almost the only thing I can think of that would make me feel a bit better or be any sort of lifeline to hold onto in that awful situation is the knowledge that their mortal remains could help someone else, either through donation, medical research, or what have you. I would feel that they had died as they had lived, with great generosity helping other people and making the world a better place.

My grandmother in her 80s was far gone with Parkinsons and donated her body to medical research. At her memorial service (no coffin obviously) this was pretty much the silver lining to the day and made everyone feel a bit better knowing she was still helping as part of a large medical study to try and help cure Parkinsons.

seeker · 14/02/2013 13:23

So if you know it's selfish, why not do something about it? You don't actually have to be selfish!

MarianneM · 14/02/2013 13:25

Anyway, the body will perish very soon anyway, so what's the good of keeping the organs in a dead body?

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 13:25

mariann I know that but that's why I said it was selfishness. It's not that I have no empathy for other parents it's just my thoughts and feelings on my own dc are always goin to come first even in death

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 13:27

I dont want to do anything about it seeker this is my personal feeling on the matter as its not going to change. Dp agrees with me so even if I changed my mind he would not allow it

EauRouge · 14/02/2013 13:29

I agree, Xiao, I would get great comfort from knowing that some other parents wouldn't have to go through the grief that DH and I would go through if we lost either of our DDs.

I can't get my head around why someone would deny a dying child something that could save them.

EasilyBored · 14/02/2013 13:30

I would donate my organs, and would consent to my husband's or son's organs being donated. I would look at it from the perspective that although I might be going through a lot of pain at losing my son, I could possibly prevent other parents going through the same. So I would do it. I actually agree with an 'opt out' system as I do think a lot of people just don't even consider it in their day to day lives.

I'm on the bone marrow register too, as is DH. I don't actually give blood regularly because I'm rubbish at it (pass out) and have rubbish veins and they said not to bother. I haven't been for a couple of years (as have been pregnant etc) so I might give it a go again soon.

Dr's aren't allowed to be pushing about it, they just ask kindly if you would consider it.

Maryz · 14/02/2013 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz · 14/02/2013 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jellybrain · 14/02/2013 13:37

Registered when I renewed my car tax on line recently. Then told DH that I would like to donate whatever they want to takeGrin
The idea of an opt out system makes a lot of sense to me too

EauRouge · 14/02/2013 13:40

Sorry, maybe I've been unfair. I know the idea of an afterlife etc is very deeply entrenched in our culture and that some people will take longer to come around to the idea of organ donation. But I think it's really important that people have a good think about why they feel the way they do and if there is any logic behind it instead of just shrugging and saying 'well that's just how I feel'. Because it really, really is a matter of life and death.

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 13:40

maryz not entirely sure I get you but here goes

If it wa a case that you could not receive and organ unless you were a donor ten yes I would sign up

If it's a case that they may need a donor but there isn't enough ( I think this is what you mean) then no I still wouldn't sign up. In that scenario they need an organ so I wouldn't have to be prepare to donate theirs. Does that make sense?

Have I answered you question or got it wrong?

EauRouge · 14/02/2013 13:42

In that scenario they need an organ so I wouldn't have to be prepare to donate theirs.

I don't understand this.

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 13:42

eau sorry to clarify I'm not religious and dont believe in the afterlife if I'm honest. No problem with people who do tho although I do think religion is used as a cop out excuse for people who probably feel the same as me

TwllBach · 14/02/2013 13:43

I remember ticking everything but my eyes when I applied for my driving license when I was 16.

If I'm being honest, I do still feel slightly squeamish about it, but I have just registered on the nhs list. I can't put my finger on why I feel unsettled about it - maybe it's because no one knows really what happens when you die?

Anyway, I sort of thought that because I'd ticked the box on my driving license that I didn't need to do anything else? But I've registered online now, just in case, and revised my "everything but the eyes" stance eight years later Grin

Andro · 14/02/2013 13:43

I can't get my head around why someone would deny a dying child something that could save them.

In the case of my ds, because I would not disrespect his wishes - despite my own opinions on the matter.

The decision would be hell for me though, because I am a supporter of organ donation. I am willing to impose my own beliefs on him for his own well being when necessary (behaviour, health, education etc until he's old enough to make those choices independently), but to impose my beliefs where his well being isn't the issue would be disrespectful to him imo.

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 13:44

Sorry what I mean is not bein on the register is not going to affect whether it not we would get an organ of we needed one. Either one would be found or not depending in supply for want of a better word.

Is that any clearer? I'm not explaining this very well at all am I?

milbracat · 14/02/2013 13:44

I'm on the donor register, but DH isn't. However, I don't want to give blood (I'm like you EasilyBored) but DH does regularly and his donation count is in the mid 40s.

I asked DH as to why he's not on the register and he says that if you're in Intensive Care and the doctors know that the second you are declared dead your body is going to be "broken up for spares" then they are not going to try TOO hard to keep you alive. He also objects to the twee and flippant wording on the donor cards themselves - all this "I would like to help someone to live after my death". Given what they are doing, he would rather see something like "I, authorise medically qualified personnel take the specified organs from my brain dead body for the purposes of transplantation to another individual". He is also against the idea of presumed consent as his organs are "his to give and not the State's to take".

Catchingmockingbirds · 14/02/2013 13:45

I donate blood and am signed up to donate bone marrow and organs. I would donate organs of my dc too, the thought that they would be saving other lives would be very comforting to me I think. I tried to donate cord blood but it's not available in my area at the moment. As I'm pregnant just now I cannot give blood so asked DP to do it for me, it was his first time and he almost fainted but still went through with it bless him.

Wrt the 'I don't want an alcoholic to get it' argument; Mil's liver has just given up due to alcohol. She has been denied a transplant because she is an alcoholic.

EauRouge · 14/02/2013 13:47

That's fair enough, Andro, no one should have their organs taken against their wishes.

Fairy- I'm not sure why religion is a cop out excuse whereas your's is OK Confused I still don't understand your explanation, sorry.

HairyPotter · 14/02/2013 13:48

I'm on the donation list, bone marrow register and give blood when I can. I struggle to understand why you wouldn't want to save a life where possible.

To say you would be happy to take an organ for you or an family member but refuse consent to use yours is selfish.

Fairy When you said you would sign up if this was the only way to receive an organ would you actually go through with it or would you withdraw consent once you had received an organ? I realise this is all hypothetical of course.

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 13:51

I think it's a cop out because your hiding your true belief. Mine is not a popular opinion. But it is at least honest.

And hairy very probably I would withdraw consent yes if this was allowed cause I do t want to do it in the first place