'I guess maybe a difference in my head is that while I understand that after brain death, a person is dead, if their body is still going, they just aren't completely dead.
People are a body and a soul in my mind. That person isn't completely gone until both parts are finished. The soul being gone but not the body doesn't mean to me that the whole person is gone.'
Clouds, my daughter was never brain dead. She went first into kidney failure, then liver failure, and her lungs, well, she developed this pneumothorax/air escaping from failed lungs.
She was dead when that vent was pulled. The amazing ICU consultant, my child's own consultant got him in per my request, told me exactly what would happen if we did not pull off that vent, and how he'd seen it and it haunts him. That poor man. And I knew from two other doctor friends it was true. I'm so glad he levelled with us and we were able to give her as dignified a death as possible.
But she was dead. Her kidneys had failed, her liver had failed, her lungs had failed. If there was a chance for her organs to be harvested for transplant, I'd have been more than willing to agree because I can tell you, when your loved one is dead, you know. She was not technically brain dead, but her heart beat all of about 10 times after that vent was pulled and she never breathed on her own. She died because her lungs failed.
As it was, it wasn't a possibility for her to donate, because of her leukaemia and stem cell transplant.
And it makes me sad. You see, she was buried 'intact' and 'whole'. There was no need for post mortem as her cause of death was very clear.
We were able to donate the 500mL of her cancer-free bone marrow harvest before she went for transplant herself to medical research, and I can tell you, this gives me great comfort, that somehow, there is something left of her that may help others (her form of leukaemia was relatively rare, and even more so in children, and even rarer still is to have someone survive to produce such a harvest).
I think it's very selfish, really. When you die, you are dead. You do not come back, and your body doesn't go with you.
If there is a chance to spare others the grief that goes with losing one's loved one, I think it's the human thing to do.
Fair enough, if you chose not to, but then you should not be able to receive, IMO, as an adult.