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Original poster

To wonder what reasons people give for being willing to accept an organ but not donate

593 replies

crashdoll · 13/02/2013 20:20

What the title says really.

I am happy for all my organs to be donated when I'm gone. I'd also accept an organ transplant if I was in that position. I know there are religious reaons for not donating certain organs but I do wonder how people can rationalise not donating organs if they are willing to accept.

OP posts:
ReindeerBollocks · 14/02/2013 15:02

Oh Clucky, I know what you mean, it must feel very bittersweet.

We have our two year anniversary coming up soon too. Feels very strange but great. However DH's mum had a failed kidney transplant last year, and unfortunately died so we are still a bit raw at the moment.

Thank you for asking, I hope your DS is well too (he was a tiny baby when we last 'spoke') x

BabyRoger · 14/02/2013 15:03

Tantrums I am on the register and the bone marrow and I regularly donate blood. If I die and can donate my organs then I will. I think I do have the spirit of giving.

I said attitudes like Fairy's almost put me off. I find it upsetting that people would be more than willing to accept and organ but would never donate one. I find it selfish and hypocritical. The fact that I would donate to them but they would not donate to me - I find that awful. I don't think that is about me not liking their values in the slightest. It is that I find it upsetting that I would make a sacrifice for them that they would not be willing to make back for me.

I am not bothered who my organs go to in terms of liver to someone who has been an alcoholic etc but the attitude of I want that but I would never be willing to do the same for you really puts me off. Not saying I wouldn't give it to them, though since I am a nice person and not selfish. :) If you think my opinion on it is awful - oh well.

Bluegrass · 14/02/2013 15:03

I thought our bodies were pretty much likely to be cut up, pumped full of things etc anyway buy an undertaker?

We all rot or burn in the end but if you can rescue some parts from the crematorium or from the intestinal bacteria which will ultimately consume you and use those parts to help someone else to live - how fantastic is that!

TantrumsAndBalloons · 14/02/2013 15:08

baby the thing is, the spirit of giving is unselfish isnt it?
So therefore its highly irrelevant if the receiver would do the same for you or your family. You are doing it because you think it is the right thing to do. You are doing it to help someone in need. Thats why people agree to organ donation.

Thats why I say it isnt in the spirit of giving.

And of course it about you not liking their values.

FairyJen · 14/02/2013 15:08

I say stuffed as surely the cavity left would collapse in wouldn't it??

Binkybix · 14/02/2013 15:11

Tantrums. I know that's why I said 'at least in this respect.'

TantrumsAndBalloons · 14/02/2013 15:13

It still doesnt make him a horrible selfish person in any respect.

It makes him a person who made a decision that you disagree with. Thats all.

Xiaoxiong · 14/02/2013 15:15

Yes Fairy you may wish to read up on what undertakers do to dead bodies if you think your loved one will be whole and untampered with.

sayanything · 14/02/2013 15:16

I'm glad we have an opt-out system where I currently live (Belgium). It means I don't have to worry about registers and cards and that the likelihood of organs being found should my DC need them and of something good coming out of my death is higher. It's a no-brainer to me, really. If you have strong feelings against donation, then you are likely to take the necessary steps to opt-out. The benefit of organ donation to those who need a transplant is such that the default position should be donation, not the other way around.

I used to be a regular blood donor and I was on the bone marrow register when I lived in the UK, but they want none of it here due to the mad cow crisis Sad. I don't know if that also means that I can't donate organs, I'd better have a look.

Binkybix · 14/02/2013 15:18

People judge what people are like based on the decisions they make and how they act. All I know about your husband is this, and I think he has a very selfish stance on it. That's why I think he is selfish person, in this respect. Others won't, of course.

Obviously I would not normally just say this to someone apropos of nothing, but this is a discussion about this very topic.

However, horrible was probably too far, and I'm sorry for that. I'd defend mine in the same way too, even if I didn't agree with him.

BabyRoger · 14/02/2013 15:18

Of course I would be doing it to help people in need - that is why I give blood and am on the registers.

I do not believe that you give up all opinion and accept happily that your organs would go to someone with that attitude. Clearly, from this thread lots of people disagree with the attitude of 'I would take an organ but I would never give one'

I will have no say in who will get my organs (if anyone ever does) and I think that is a good thing. There should be no picking and choosing BUT I reserve the right to think the 'I will look after number 1' attitude stinks and would I prefer it went to someone without the selfishness? Yes. But, it is a moot point. I just cannot stand hypocrisy and selfishness like this.

clucky80 · 14/02/2013 15:20

Oh Reindeer I am so sorry to hear about your DH mum :(

Well done on the 2 year anniversary!

He is really good thanks - he is 2 now! Have been thinking about whether to try for another DC...x

Sashapineapple · 14/02/2013 15:20

Tantrum, if your DH is willing to recieve but not willing to donate then yes, in this instance he is being selfish. It doesn't make him a horrible person and there is no judgement on his character as a whole, I'm sure he's very nice, but regarding donation he is selfish.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 14/02/2013 15:21

Tantrum - refusing to give the gift of life when you are willing to accept the gift of life does smack of being pretty selfish. I'm sure he isn't a selfish person, an individual act does not make a person, but it is a selfish act.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 14/02/2013 15:22

X-post Sasha. Great minds.....

Xiaoxiong · 14/02/2013 15:22

Tantrums I think Baby was trying to express just how distasteful she found fairy's attitude that it was almost enough to put off donating in case someone as selfish as that got her organ.

Not saying she would want to pick and choose who got her organs because she disagreed with their values.

Sashapineapple · 14/02/2013 15:22

*receive

BabyRoger · 14/02/2013 15:25

Thanks Xiao definitely not saying I would pick and choose! I just do not like the attitude and I find it upsetting that people would happily take organs but never donate them.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 14/02/2013 15:25

Yep, maybe it is a selfish decision.

FWIW I disagree with it. But Its not up to me to tell him what he can and cannot do.
I am more than willing to be an organ donor myself and willing to donate my dcs organs if we were in that position.

I dont care if the person who gets them is on the register or not. I am not doing it so that someone will do it for my family. I am doing it because IMO its the right thing to do.

But I dont judge people who do not choose to do the same.

Domjolly · 14/02/2013 15:25

I think because is very emotive i married to a nurse and i think even he would struggle with allowing somone to take our sons eyes he know how important

But when you just lost somone your in a state of grief they might of died in hurrodous circumstances

I can see its a big as espically if its a child

Maryz · 14/02/2013 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weegiemum · 14/02/2013 15:26

fairy most bodies are clothed so you can't see what has happened, so I'm not sure there's a need for stuffing? Still dont understand why that matters so much to you, but perhaps I never will.

You do know that if a post-mortem is required, the brain will be removed, examined, and then stitched into the abdomen rather than replaced in the skull? Because it's not working any more, so it doesn't matter!

Unless you are buried within 2 days, blood will be drained and an embalming fluid inserted instead.

Pretty much no one is buried in an untampered condition.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 14/02/2013 15:27

I know what baby was saying, its just to me, if you are going to do something you honestly believe is good and helpful and correct, what other people choose shouldnt matter.

You can find a decsion to be IYO distasteful or wrong or selfish but it should have no impact on what you do IYSWIM

Maryz · 14/02/2013 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DreamingOfTheMaldives · 14/02/2013 15:30

I didn't know that Weegiesmum - why the hell don't they just put it back where it was meant to be, even though it's not going to be of use Confused