Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really, REALLY fucking angry.

224 replies

HarrySnotter · 12/02/2013 20:46

DD is 6. Was very quiet when I picked her up from after school club (at 5.30pm), unusually so but I kind of worried that she was coming down with something so after the initial 'are you feeling ok' I kind of left her to it and didn't question her too much.

Ran the bath, gave her a quick cuddle as she was getting undressed and she winced, actually winced, then started crying. I got her undressed and she had blood on her shirt at the back. Her shirt was actually sticking to her back. Then it all came out - one of the girls at school was poking her with a stick and was lifting up her coat and cardigan and scraping it down her back. I asked her if she told anyone and she said that the playground supervisor saw it and told her to stop crying and that she was acting like a baby.

Her back is scratched to absolute fuck and she was sobbing as I was trying to clean it for her. I am beyond mad. The issue with the child is one I shall bring up with her teacher but I am absolutely fucking furious at the playground supervisor.

How do I handle this so that I don't get a 'oh sorry about that' response. I'm so angry that she spend the whole afternoon sore and upset and she didn't want to tell her teacher because 'Mrs X said she was being a baby'.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarrySnotter · 12/02/2013 21:04

Mamabear thank you, that's really helpful.

OP posts:
CombineBananaFister · 12/02/2013 21:05

I actually feel horrified for you, it's awful when your child gets hurt in just the rough and tumble of everyday school BUt for a supervisor to say this because she can't be arsed to deal with it is bloody awful Sad your poor DD, it's also a trust issue of her being able to approach the relevant adult if she feels threatened and that's awful. Exactly what mamabear17 said

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 12/02/2013 21:06

I hate the thought of her sitting there all afternoon upset and sore.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 12/02/2013 21:06

You could be right Checkpoint. As a teacher I wouldn't be fazed if a parent reporting this got upset or was visibly angry. I'd know I'd feel the same if it happened to my child.

OP I am so sorry it has all come at once for your little girl, she already had enough on her plate without this Sad. But she has a great mum who is looking after her and fighting her corner x

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 12/02/2013 21:08

Thank you Greensleeves. x

OP posts:
myroomisatip · 12/02/2013 21:09

Very helpful MamaBear.

Greensleeves why shouldnt the child be named and shamed?

It seems this child has the makings of being a bully at the very least and her behaviour should be punished.

I am surely older than a lot of posters but, for example, at my school, if dinner money went missing no one was allowed to leave and all clothes and bags were searched until it was found.

I have to say that my school days were incredibly trouble free and very happy. I was never bullied, I dont know of any pupil that was. #

Surely that child should be made aware that her behaviour is unacceptable?

Scootee · 12/02/2013 21:10

Take photographs in person to the head teacher. He/she will not be able to ignore this evidence of being harmed at school. Then follow up with what the playground supervisor said to he, which is a total disgrace. If unsatisfactory, go to govenors.

TreadOnTheCracks · 12/02/2013 21:10

YANBU straight to the head in the morning.

Greensleeves · 12/02/2013 21:11

Yes I do agree that the other little girl should be shown that her behaviour is unacceptable. If I were her teacher I would be very cross indeed and there would be consequences appropriate for a six year old. But not naming and shaming.

The MTA on the other hand... well I imagine the HT will be pretty pissed off!

ArtexMonkey · 12/02/2013 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IAmLouisWalsh · 12/02/2013 21:12

That sounds bloody awful.

A quick word of caution, though - did the supervisor actually see what was happening with the stick? Or just see your DD crying? Not that calling her a baby is acceptable AT ALL but I am astonished that someone might see the stick being used and not do anything. My mam used to be a lunchtime supervisor and she had a little notebook where she had to record anything that resulted in any possible injury.

NatashaBee · 12/02/2013 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gordyslovesheep · 12/02/2013 21:12

oh your poor DD :( I am with you - I would be FURIOUS x

MumVsKids · 12/02/2013 21:12

GP first thing, so it's on a medical record.

HT after GP, face to face but give a written complaint too requesting investigation and response.

If this isn't forthcoming, then letter to Chair of Governors, and be certain to ask for a copy of the minutes of the governors meeting to ensure it was bought to the table. Also the same letter to the local authority child protection/safeguarding board and the director of childrens services within your local authority.

I would also consider local press if HT is not forthcoming and willing to investigate and dish out relevant punishments to both the stick-wielding child and the playtime supervisor.

Your poor dd :( hope she's not too sore.

Original poster
HarrySnotter · 12/02/2013 21:15

That's awful Artex I will meet with the HT and follow up in writing too. I can't let this one go without taking it to the max.

At the risk of sounding like a wuss, DD is very unsettled tonight and keeps waking. I'm going to take her into bed with me tonight but I promise I will report back what happens when I talk to HT. I just wish DH wasn't away just now.

Thanks everyone for your support.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 12/02/2013 21:16

hope she feels better in the morning x

ivykaty44 · 12/02/2013 21:17

I hope your dd is ok - what a brave dc she was today Sad

quoteunquote · 12/02/2013 21:19

this has the links that may be helpful as you put your thoughts together.

EverybodysSootyEyed · 12/02/2013 21:20

This is horrible and I know how it feels when your child suddenly blurts out something that is quite horrifying

I think you need to separate the two issues.

  1. The other girl - you need to talk to her teacher and also mention that you are concerned that her diabetes may see her being singled out. It sounds like the teacher is very supportive and I think you need to trust her with dealing with this.
  2. the lunchtime supervisor is the big issue to me. Victim blaming and turning a blind eye to violence - both are unforgivable. I agree that you need to see the head about this. Don't start worrying about next steps just yet - you need to go in feeling HT will resolve - if you go in feeling like it will be a confrontation it may well turn into one.

Good luck - I hope your DD feels better after a good nights sleep

chocolatetester1 · 12/02/2013 21:23

There's lots if great advice here, I'm with mama. Just wanted to add that it's worth ensuring your daughter has someone they can go to in future. Hopefully, the situation will be resolved to your satisfaction, but I expect your daughter would feel safer knowing she has the option of a trusted adult at school, to whom she can go at any time. I would want this arranged with the school before she has to have another playtime or lunchtime under the 'supervision' of that dinner lady. Good luck tomorrow.

MumVsKids · 12/02/2013 21:25

Just to add on, when my dd1 was 6, she was scratched so badly by another 6 year old girl, out of spite, that it warranted me being called to school in the middle of the day to view the injury.

I was horrified too, and requested the head investigate fully and report back on her findings and subsequent punishments. We got an apology, via the head teacher, a couple of days later.

I told her it want good enough and I wasn't happy, and I would take it to the next governors meeting. (I am vice chair of our governing body). HT not happy with this at all.

I wrote to our chair of govs as I said I would. In the meantime, same girl, less than a week later stole dd1s shoes during PE and put them in the bin (she admitted this) because DDs shoes had got the little dollys in the bottom and hers hadn't.

I was furious. Amongst other incidents, this led to the girl being excluded and the whole family have now moved away.
Dd1 has a big scar running straight down her throat and chest from when she was scratched :(

I hate spiteful bullies.

gordyslovesheep · 12/02/2013 21:26

My eldest had a serious assault on the playground when she was 6 - sexual in nature - I took her to the GP (she had bruising) and I wrote a very firm letter to the head outlining our concerns and expressing concern at their failure to safeguard her welfare

Write down what happened, write down what you want them to do about it - be calm x

weegiemum · 12/02/2013 21:27

Your poor, poor dd! My ds was physically bullied at age 7 and it broke my heart.

Personally, I wouldn't email ahead. I'd phone and demand ask for an urgent appointment but not say why.

I'm suspicious: I'm also a teacher. I wouldn't bet on the head not talking to the member of staff ahead of time, and thus forming an opinion based on what the playground supervisor says.

Sounds awkward, but I'd put the head on the spot.

makemineapinot · 12/02/2013 21:28

Your poor wee DD. I am a teacher and agree with many of the points above. Go to doctor and get it check for infection/ recorded in notes. Then go to HT and wait to see her with your dd, take photos and shirt. Take notes in meeting and ask her to clarify what they will do about this, repeat back to confirm and follow up in a letter confirming the conversation and agreed actions. Reiterate the fact that they have a duty of care to keep your dd safe at school and if action points are not followed up write to governors as per post above and lea. Poor wee soul, hope she's ok in morning x

catchafallingstar · 12/02/2013 21:28

so many people failing on their duty of care here - that a child should suffer so during the school day and NO ONE notice her injuries.
All teaching staff she came into contact with and the after school staff need are jointly responsible for this negligence (in my opinion).

I would photograph, go to Docs to check the wounds and then straight to the school.

xx

Swipe left for the next trending thread