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AIBU?

to be really, REALLY fucking angry.

224 replies

HarrySnotter · 12/02/2013 20:46

DD is 6. Was very quiet when I picked her up from after school club (at 5.30pm), unusually so but I kind of worried that she was coming down with something so after the initial 'are you feeling ok' I kind of left her to it and didn't question her too much.

Ran the bath, gave her a quick cuddle as she was getting undressed and she winced, actually winced, then started crying. I got her undressed and she had blood on her shirt at the back. Her shirt was actually sticking to her back. Then it all came out - one of the girls at school was poking her with a stick and was lifting up her coat and cardigan and scraping it down her back. I asked her if she told anyone and she said that the playground supervisor saw it and told her to stop crying and that she was acting like a baby.

Her back is scratched to absolute fuck and she was sobbing as I was trying to clean it for her. I am beyond mad. The issue with the child is one I shall bring up with her teacher but I am absolutely fucking furious at the playground supervisor.

How do I handle this so that I don't get a 'oh sorry about that' response. I'm so angry that she spend the whole afternoon sore and upset and she didn't want to tell her teacher because 'Mrs X said she was being a baby'.

OP posts:

Report

auntpetunia · 13/02/2013 09:14

Hope you got to see the Head and that this gets sorted!

CheckpointCharlie · 13/02/2013 09:44

Hello OP, hope it went well today. How is your dd?

DeafLeopard · 13/02/2013 10:05

You've already been given some great advice, so nothing to add other than hope your DD is ok. I would be raging IIWY. Hope the school respond appropriately.

Buzzardbird · 13/02/2013 10:18

I hope you manage to get to sort this out this morning OP, this is one of the most shocking threads I have read here. Your poor DD. How was she about going to school?

CockyPants · 13/02/2013 10:23

Hello OP.
Absolutely appalled at the other child's behaviour. It's sick.
Disgusted with school response.
I would escalate this to the governors, local authority and OFSTED.
I hope your little one recovers from physical injuries.
Possibly the worst school related posting I've read on MN.
All the best to your and your child. Lots of good advice and support on this thread.

Maryz · 13/02/2013 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thumbwitch · 13/02/2013 10:27

I am horrified for you and your DD. Poor little soul, that's terrible! And the supervisor needs taking to task for not checking it out, especially as your DD has diabetes, so her risk of infection is higher.

I hope very much that she is ok - and that you managed to get her to the doctor to have her wounds checked - because scratches like that can get infected so easily.

Your DD's headteacher needs to be made aware of how negligent this situation is, and the little girl responsible needs some kind of punishment for her horrible bullying.

Thumbwitch · 13/02/2013 10:29

Maryz, I love you, but 6 doesn't equal stupid. The OP's DD was crying, the girl in question was scratching her with a stick on her bare skin deliberately, to maximise the pain. She knew what she was doing.

Maryz · 13/02/2013 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CockyPants · 13/02/2013 10:37

Maryz nothing personal but I disagree. This week is 20th anniversary of a toddlers murder by 2 children....sadly not all children are the little innocent darlings that society thinks they are.
It's not about whether the other child knew they were hurting OP DC. The fact is that the child did it and OP DC has suffered injury as a direct result of child's actions.

fishandlilacs · 13/02/2013 10:39

This has made me feel all hot and prickly and sick, your poor little DD. I haven't read the whole thing but you have been given good advice. I hope you get the resolution you need and DD's back recovers quickly xx

clam · 13/02/2013 10:41

Am I the only one who thinks the Op should speak calmly to the Head and FIND OUT WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED before shrieking about Ofsted and governors and the police?
(Not minimising the injury, although I haven't seen it, but for all we know the other child might also have been injured)

KellyElly · 13/02/2013 10:42

Be appalled at the TA's behaviour if you like, not the child. She may not have been aware that the op's dd was hurt at all. I disagree. My DD is three and she is well aware when she has hurt someone. 6 is old enough to know that if another child is crying and in pain you have hurt them. Children can be bullies at this age and younger.

Flisspaps · 13/02/2013 10:44

I agree with MaryZ. The child shouldn't have done it, but the supervisor should have stepped in and dealt with the situation appropriately. That's what they are there for - if children always behaved perfectly and didn't do stupid, silky, dangerous or sometimes mean things, then there'd be no need for lunchtime supervisors to exist.

The legal age of responsibility in this country is 10 - under that, children are not deemed to have the ability to fully understand the consequences of their actions, or to fully understand right and wrong. They would know scratching with the stick hurt, but not that a child with diabetes is more susceptible to infection or that the scratches would bleed so the shirt would stick, or that they'd hurt all night.

And Cocky, bringing child murderers onto the thread as a comparison of any kind is both ridiculous and verging on hysterical

MrsMushroom · 13/02/2013 10:49

My first thought was concern for the OPs DD...then it was suspicion that the child who hurt her is being hurt herself...it's not normal for a 6 year old to do this kind of sustained hurting....a kick, a slap or a push...even one poke with a stick could all be explained away as a badly behaved 6 year old who was tired or upset.

Biut repeatedly scraping a stick down anothers back until she bled? Not normal. I would express concern for the child too OP but all your anger should be towards the supervisor.

Floggingmolly · 13/02/2013 10:51

I hope you're still in the Head's office, op, making sure this is sorted properly.
Hope your dd is feeling a little better today

ledkr · 13/02/2013 10:59

All dds lunchtime supervisors aren't great. She is 11 so sees the funny/irony in it but she has told me they shouldn't be working with children. They shout at them hugely she has heard muttered profanities they don't deal with anything just shoo them away. Fob off injurys and are just really nasty. She rarely finishes her lunch cos they are rushed and screamed at. I think they must be hard to come by as the hours are a bit annoying.
I don't bother complaining as it doesn't affect her she just finds it funny.

Apileofballyhoo · 13/02/2013 11:03

Clam if the other child is also injured the school has failed them both and authorities need to be aware. Even if the OP's DD somehow 'started it' the injuries sustained were severe. The playground supervisor is clearly failed to protect at least one child and by your suggestion, possibly two. The OP and other posters are not being excessive mentioning school governors, police etc. Sticks could be used to poke out an eye, or kill someone. I think there is a problem in the school that needs to be addressed. I can't understand how the children have access to sticks that can be used to cause injury. A 6 year old child that uses an implement to draw blood sounds disturbed to me and in need of help. Perhaps there was a lead up to the incident, but that makes it no less serious. If both children had equal injuries it makes it no less serious. And it is very dangerous to tell any child to stop crying because they are being a baby. I would be angry if someone said that to my DS no matter what the circumstance. My DB nearly died from burst appendix as he didn't want to be a crybaby in school. Terrible terrible thing to say to a small or big child. No wonder people homeschool.

Op I'm very sorry this has happened to you and your DD. If I were you I would kick up a huge fuss. Who knows who else is suffering in the schoolyard.

clam · 13/02/2013 11:09

"if the other child is also injured the school has failed them both"
Not at this point, necessarily. It depends how it's handled from this point onwards. That is not to say that the playground supervisor acted correctly, but we don't yet know how she did act - we have the word of a six year old to go on so far. That is not to say she's making it up or exaggerating, but the adult should be allowed her say too. It is the Head's job to investigate; if the OP is not satisfied that it's been handled appropriately, then sure, take it further.
But she must TALK TO THE SCHOOL FIRST. Calmly.
If children are waving sticks around and not being stopped straightaway, then there's clearly an issue. But as I say, we don't yet know for sure exactly what happened.

shesariver · 13/02/2013 11:16

Well if its anything like my DSs school and headteacher it will seem the bully will have more rights than the victim after the traumatic time we had thanks to a 10 year old bully. There will always be someone along bleating about the bully being a victim to and what a terrible childhood they must have to make them hurt other children etc. I just think if these peoples children had been hurt, intimidated and bullied like my DS they would be singing from a different hymn sheet. This thread has a tinge of that here, yes the child is only 6 but thats what they were saying about the boy who continually assualted my DS and now hes 11 its still getting trotted out.

NUFC69 · 13/02/2013 11:16

A similar thing happened when my DD was at school (she was about seven and is now in her thirties, so a long time ago). One morning I met a mum in the playground carrying a bloodied white shirt - I obviously asked what she was doing with it and she told me that the previous day, when their teacher had been called away and the children left for about ten minutes, a boy had repeatedly stabbed her DD in the back with a sharp pencil! Mum was obviously going into to see the head. I don't remember what happened, but I do remember that the boy in question had a very bad upbringing and was always in trouble - goodness only knows what his homelife was like. The girl had also not mentioned it to the class teacher, possibly because she was worried about repercussions.

I hope your DD is ok this morning, Op? Good luck with sorting it out.

CockyPants · 13/02/2013 11:17

Fliss, I had a feeling someone might comment on my post. I mentioned it solely to illustrate how sickening children can be to each other. I am not ridiculous or hysterical. I disagreed with another poster saying that a 6 year old does not necessarily know what they are doing.

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shesariver · 13/02/2013 11:22

I agree with you cocky. Lots of people struggle to see this.

havingastress · 13/02/2013 11:47

I teach kids this age.

They know exactly what they are doing.

BarbarianMum · 13/02/2013 12:10

If that's what you truly believe havingastress then you've no business teaching in a primary school.

Children of 6 actually have a relatively poor perception of how their actions influence others. They often have limited emotional control, and difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, truth from what they wish to be true.

Think about it. Most 6 year olds believe in Father Christmas, or the Toothfairy, or magic. If their parents get divorced, or one dies, they quite commonly feel they are to blame.

There is a big difference between understanding that what your doing is 'wrong' or 'naughty' and really understanding how your actions affect others. They are not adults.

OP I'm really sorry about what happened to your daughter and hope you get some satisfaction from the head.

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