To get really uncomfortable around a friend when she smacks her children...

[Toowittoowoo]

....and other harsh (in my view) disciplining?

I know it is none of my business how somebody else disciplines their DCs but they are all under 3 and they are so lovely. I also don't always understand why they are smacked - seems like trivial things to me. I just can't see my friend in the same way as I used to if she is capable of treating her children like that.

I don't by her expression i go on her behaviour, since I started smacking her she has windled down doing dangerous stuff to erm....oh she doesn't do anything dangerous. She hasn't actually needed to be punished via naughty step/ corner anything for 4 months now, she doesn't run off she isn't cheeky, she is polite with other kids and has exceptional manners to say she knows few words. She says Thankyou and please wherever appropriate. She also apologises to people if she gets in there way or bumps into them! People have commented on how well behaved she is. And shes slap bang in the middle of what should be the terrible two period. I would agree that smacking isn't the best option, if she was running around being a cheeky sod hitting people and being rude but IMO and in my situation it has worked!

Greensleeves, Yes, she never raised a hand to my brother again, that I saw. They have a complicated relationship now; attached purely by habit and guilt, really. The trouble is she replaced smacking with manipulation. Sigh.

There seems to be a correlation on this thread between smacking your children and terrible spelling and grammar. I wonder if that's a coincidence or maybe evidence that people smack because they do not have the ability to use language to discipline.

Good God I didn't realise she was only two

I remember my dad quoting Dr Spock (who I always confused with Spock from Star Trek) "You should only smack in anger, doing it as cold punishment is wrong" or something like that. My dad smacked me a few times when I was young (not as young as 3 btw and often out of fear due to me having done something quite dangerous) and it was always in the moment, never delivered as cold punishment and as such has left no scars.

OP, I understand your discomfort and would have to say something if a friend of mine was that ready with the slap. How is she going to teach them that hitting is wrong when she readily hits herself?

Yes she is two! A very well behaved 2 year old with no reason to even think she had be previously smacked as punishment by looking at her! And if the poor grammar is aimed at me? I'm on an iPhone do take your issue up with whoever creates the apple spell checker

BTW, I never smack mine as I don't see the point, I think I can communicate my fear to my children without resorting to violence. Saying that I have dragged my DS up the stairs before which is quite aggressive. Oh who knows what is best?

No, I can quite believe you can't tell by looking at her

How long have you been doing it, if she is only two now? She's a baby!

kickass a two year olds cognitive abilities are pretty primitive. as are their memories. well done you for ignoring these developmental knowns and brutalising a baby into 'good behaviour'.

Oh my think it should be me headdesk!!! She actually is 2.7 I have been smacking since 2! And to say I don't need to anymore is good? She knows what I expect of her and she's well behaved!

christ. have you been 'smacking' her for long?

Londonmrs there also seems to be a correlation between those who don't smack and quite vicious attacks on those who have different views on the issue - abusive, not fit to be parents etcetera.

No one seems to be proud of smacking but people have asked why smackers do it and smackers are trying to explain. Does the issue need to get so emotionally charged. Presumably everyone on this thread loves their children and wants to do the best for them but have different views on how keeping them safe, happy and providing boundaries is best done. As parents we've all fucked up sometimes and made the wrong choices; maybe being a little less judgemental may help?

Thankyou please pudding!!!!!!

If you don't like it don't see her, its none of your business if you don't like the way she parents her children. I smack my daughter very rarely and only if she is really naughty or if she hits me I hit her back. That's what I'll be teaching her when she goes to school if she gets hit, hit them back. That's what I was taught and it never did me any harm. I don't give a shit about any ones opinion about my comment either so flame away

poor baby. a huge towering mother of anger/cold intent. that hand descending. the sting of pain. that betrayal of trust in mummy. how can you.

Nothing you say will make me feel bad! And I don't tower! I'm a short arse!! You think I should smack through anger instead of our of
Calmness? Children Hve been killed because parents have lost control and beat them!?!?? And you think hitting when angry is better than snacking when calm and controlled? Which the Nspcc says if you smack you should do so when calm!!!! Look it up!

I too would be ending the relationship, after explaining my reasons why.

Why all the grinning symbols at the end of posts supporting hitting young children - is it to try to sanitise them?

PuddingPlease while we all try to be supportive of other parents, there are some practices which it would be stupid and irresponsible to condone. Hitting a 2yo for example. I am not strongly opposing it because I am soppy and over-emotional, I am strongly opposing it because it is wrong. And it is important that this sort of behaviour is challenged strongly and visibly every time somebody says it is OK. New parents and those looking for advice come here. I would not like them to happen upon Kickassmomma preaching the benefits of hitting a toddler and not read any posts that counter her.

Although in most cases common sense and decency would prevail

...and the NSPCC condemns all parental smacking. Look it up.

30 years ago a friend of mine used to smack her daughter for trivial things. Interupting a converstaion, dropping a toy... she used to just smack, no telling off or explanation - the child was about 4 years old. One day she had done it so many times I must have looked horrified and she asked me what was wrong. So I told her how awful she was being to her dd and that she really needed to stop and think about why she was smacking her. She didn't speak to me for a month - but she never hit her dd again. We are still close friends. Her DD is 35 now with a family of her own and she assures me that my intervening had a long lasting effect on her and she will never smack her children.

So it is possible to say something and still remain friends.

I have never hit my children. They are teens now and polite, respectful and loving boys. They were not angels as toddlers, there are just better ways of dealing with discipline than smacking.

kickass. to ratchet back a bit. what is it you do? a light tap on the hand once every few weeks? a slap across the nappied bum? its hard to evaluate...

My brother and I were smacked occassionally, in the context of a loving home, in an era when it was acceptable to do so. It didn't do either of us any harm, and absolutely did not lead either of us onto any violent tendencies in the slightest - the very thought....!

However, I take that to mean we were probably the exception that proves the rule, and I have never and categorically will never smack my children (2 and 4). It feels inherently wrong to me.

I would be very, very uncomfortable watching someone else smacking young children (well, hitting anyone) in this day and age when we're so much more enlightened, educated and knowledgable. I freely judge people who smack these days as being backward and, frankly, not very intelligent. Not lateral thinkers. Lazy. Etc.

OP - YANBU.