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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let my DC use the internet, have mobiles or computer games?

73 replies

SilverMoo · 10/02/2013 14:43

I have 3 DC (2,4 and 7)...

A lot of DD's friends are getting into computer games, going online and having mobiles... I am really against this for my DC for various reasons, although I will let her use the internet for school research,

What is your take on these things, AIBU and too hippy/overprotective?

OP posts:

countrykitten · 10/02/2013 14:44

At what age do you intend to relax your rule...or don't you?

AnyFucker · 10/02/2013 14:45

Your children are very young atm, so YANBU

What plans do you have wrt future use of these things, that as well as having a down side, are also part of the modern world and you won't get on in it unless you learn to engage safely and age-appropriately ?

Original poster

SilverMoo · 10/02/2013 14:46

I'm not sure, it's not an indefinite rule, I just feel they are way too young right now and am pretty shocked so many other children their age are allowed these things.

OP posts:

Yfronts · 10/02/2013 14:47

Mine have an hour a day of screen time. Can't see the need for any more then that.

Guess we will get oldest a basic phone when he starts secondary school though.

Yfronts · 10/02/2013 14:47

Just seems such a waste of time to sit on a computer for hours.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 10/02/2013 14:48

I would be slowly introducing your 7yo the others are maybe a bit young. If you outright ban these things then they won't know how to use them safely when they can make their own choices.

usualsuspect · 10/02/2013 14:48

All these things are part of modern life,you will have to relax your rules as your children get older

Tryharder · 10/02/2013 14:49

I have DCs aged 8,4 and 2 and they all use computers/ipads/ipods for school stuff and otherwise.

I dont actually disagree with your standpoint - I think my DCs play on their computers far too much and have to be chivvied/bullied into doing other things.

But I am fighting a losing battle as DH is very much into computers and encourages it.

In their defence, the DCs don't just do games and mindless stuff, they download music and educational stuff and prepare powerpoints and presentations (oldest DC, not 2 and 4 year olds)

cantspel · 10/02/2013 14:49

surely a 7 year old is using the internet in school?

usualsuspect · 10/02/2013 14:51

I would think that learning to use a computer and the internet is a skill most children should learn

chandellina · 10/02/2013 14:52

Yanbu. I get really cross listening to parents of reception parents saying they've had no choice but to buy a Nintendo ds or whatever, "because everyone else has one," as if it is literally beyond their control.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 10/02/2013 14:52

I regarded a mobile as a "right of passage thing" when my two went to Senior School - mind you they are 24 and 22 now, so things may have moved on. They had computer games from about four though - but quite harmless things. The internet, facebook, etc weren't around till they were much older, so didn't have those to contend with. I would have thought your seven year old was using a computer at school now, so you might have to relax that rule with him quite soon. To deny them these things indefinitely rather than let them use them in an age appropriate way is to disadvantage them.

moonshine · 10/02/2013 14:52

But you can't pretend it/they don't exist as they are just part of modern life and will become more so from a younger age - you don't want to disadvantage them in their career or ostracise them from friends. But allowing access doesn't have to be unconditional - you can set the rules and limits. And it's best to teach them how to use it all responsibly and safely (although with mobiles I didn't let dd have one until she was 11 and able to go out alone with friends/go to school alone)

Original poster

SilverMoo · 10/02/2013 14:53

I remember my younger brother who I used to play real games with all day long getting a super nintendo, that was the end of our imaginative play, it was sad.

I also want my DC to interact properly with real people for as long as possible before I introduce these things.

OP posts:

edam · 10/02/2013 14:54

I wouldn't let a 7yo have a mobile. ds did use dh's DS from being about 5 or so but timing was rationed - the fact it was dh's, not ds's, limited arguments about time slots because it didn't actually belong to ds. In the past couple of years (ds is now 9) we've got an X box and a Wii and ds uses the internet to play medieval total war and go on moshi monsters and CBBC.

The internet, gaming stuff and tablets are all part of the world they are growing up in. No point cutting them off entirely but sensible to be careful about what they see and do. We had talks at school about internet safety (for parents and kids) and I showed ds the CEOPS button - he really enjoyed exploring the CEOPS online cafe and playing their games, which hopefully have drummed into him some sensible rules about not giving away personal details and never meeting anyone you don't know IRL and so on. (Not that he'd have a chance right now but with any luck that kind of rule will be ingrained by the time he's a teenager.)

One advantage of gaming devices - my friend's optician told her the DS was good for her son's squint as it encouraged his eyes to look in the same direction.

Fakebook · 10/02/2013 14:54

My dd was 2 when she started playing on the cbeebies website.
My 13 month old plays colouring and alphabet games on my Iphone.

I don't really see the problem with it, but I suppose everyone raises their children differently. As long as you're not marching around saying "NO COMPUTER, NO INTERNET" then yanbu.

Just out of curiosity, why are you so against it?

countrykitten · 10/02/2013 14:55

I would imagine that your 7 year old is using pcs at school in any case and imo a mobile is very useful when they start senior school.

edam · 10/02/2013 14:55

Silver, that's a sad memory. But they are incorporating gaming into their imaginative play - it made me laugh when I overheard ds and his friends saying they wanted to 'pause' the pretend game they were playing IRL.

Original poster

SilverMoo · 10/02/2013 14:56

I don't have a problem with them using the internet at school but they just play amazing games together for hours at home I don't want to spoil it by letting them sit in front of screens.

OP posts:

GloriaPritchett · 10/02/2013 14:57

I don't know, I think that there is no need for children of that age to have mobiles, playstations and Ipods of their own and to play with them all day, but I do think they need to be computer literate.

moonshine · 10/02/2013 15:00

Er, mine still interact with 'real' people and play make believe games! One doesn't preclude the other!

chandellina · 10/02/2013 15:01

Gaming will never be as good as real life imaginative and physical play. It's no secret why children are so unfit now.

It's also ludicrous to think any child will be at a disadvantage for not regularly using devices at home. In case you hadn't noticed, it takes a 3 year old a few minutes to understand how to use a tablet.

But it's easier to believe that your child is doing something "educational" while you are able to get a free moment.

moonshine · 10/02/2013 15:03

My dd is a little older but, as well as playing games on the computer, she writes short stories and does powerpoint presentations on her favourite subjects. For fun, my ds (7) does projects on the computer about things he's interested in eg birds - he writes stuff and adds in photos, does powerpoint presentations again and research, as well as games.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 10/02/2013 15:04

Well I didn't have a phone, internet, telly blah blah blah when I was younger and I can't say it really bothered me although I would have liked TV.

When I turned 12, we got all of the above things.

I'm kind of wondering why a 7 would have a mobile anyway. Too young IMO.

We don't have TV channels, but I do let my DD watch DVD's and play games. I have found the games have really helped with her fine motor skills and problem solving. Obviously she isn't playing them all day every day, but her dad is a gamer so they play when she stays at his. She doesn't really play them at my house. With DVD's, we talk about what is happening in the film, and I will ask her questions that mean she has to consider what is going on eg. asking her how a character is feeling based on their facial expression.

I think if you are using them responsibly and not just as childcare, games and DVD's can be beneficial.

ivykaty44 · 10/02/2013 15:06

There is no need for your dc to use the interenet at home if you don't want them to, I find the but I will let them for school research a little odd as there are books they could use instead if you are not happy with internet use. Add to which published books will hopefully be slightly better in there sources than some internet research maybe - wiki is self editing so who knows what misinformation they may find.

I didn't go on the internet until I was 31 and picked it up really easily

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