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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my DC use the internet, have mobiles or computer games?

73 replies

SilverMoo · 10/02/2013 14:43

I have 3 DC (2,4 and 7)...

A lot of DD's friends are getting into computer games, going online and having mobiles... I am really against this for my DC for various reasons, although I will let her use the internet for school research,

What is your take on these things, AIBU and too hippy/overprotective?

OP posts:
lljkk · 10/02/2013 15:14

I see your choice as a valid preference, but not better. I'm not sure why you're shocked. Maybe it shocks me in the way every small electronic device now does everything (including games).

Computer games and videos are everywhere in our society now, I think most people manage to integrate them into their children's lives in a healthy way. I imagine my GG-grandmothers felt sniffy & skeptical about telephones for communications, when letters and personal visits were obviously the superior way to maintain relationships.

JamNan · 10/02/2013 15:16

Good for you SilverMoo.

YADNBU
Let them play and use their imaginations. There's plenty of time for them to become computer literate and learn keyboard skills and other forms of communication. Surely they should learn to draw, read and write first?

I really can't imagine anything more boring for some of the young children I know than doing a Powerpoint presentation or interacting with the cBeebies website.

moonshine · 10/02/2013 16:14

JamNan - my kids choose to do Powerpoint presentations - I don't make them! Each to their own eh......

chandellina · 10/02/2013 16:25

The big difference between newer technologies and even something like the tv is that it's all about you and the device. It's an intimate and antisocial form of activity. Social networking maybe less so but that comes with other problems.

Startail · 10/02/2013 16:26

Each to their own
DD2 has known her way round a computer since she was 3 and had a lap top since she was 6 or 7.

DD1 has also always known how to use one, but it was less her thing.

No way in a house hold where we have literally lost count of computers of my DDs not spending too long on them.

(We have computers controlling things, being mended, old mother boards etc gathering dust in case they are useful and lap tops from DH's work.)

I think you will find they seep into your household sooner or later.

mercibucket · 10/02/2013 16:29

I don't understand the mobile phone hate. They're quite useful. You can use them as a radio, store music on them, take photos, send funny pics to your mum using viber text for free, dial 999. All these are useful. Mine have never had credit on theirs as the only thing we don't use them for is phonecalls (999 is free, so handy if an emergency ever arose, so long as you've actually taught them how to make an emergency call)

mercibucket · 10/02/2013 16:29

I don't understand the mobile phone hate. They're quite useful. You can use them as a radio, store music on them, take photos, send funny pics to your mum using viber text for free, dial 999. All these are useful. Mine have never had credit on theirs as the only thing we don't use them for is phonecalls (999 is free, so handy if an emergency ever arose, so long as you've actually taught them how to make an emergency call)

Fairylea · 10/02/2013 16:31

When they're little is one thing but when they get to 8/9/10 it becomes difficult as so much of the social interaction at school is internet based... I have a 9 year old and it's ALL about moshi monsters, cbbc games, tablet pcs and apps. If dd didn't have access to these as wrong as it is she would be very left out.

ihearsounds · 10/02/2013 16:35

My youngest plays with various games, board and electronic. He goes on the pc. He can read and write, he isn't anti social. He has a fab imagination, reading some of the stories he writes are hilarious. The only thing that he owns is a ds which was given to him by older sibling. The rest of the electronics are either mine or older siblings that they have bought themselves over the years.

We talk about the games. It's rare that he will be playing by himself on the whatever, unless he wants a bit of alone time.

Mobile phones, secondary school age.

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy · 10/02/2013 16:42

My dc are 7 and 5. They haven't had any of these things thus far, although dc1 has been allowed to play the odd game on the CBBC website with me supervising, and does computer club at school.

We will soon be moving house and when we do I plan to set up the old PC (I recently got a new laptop and dh has had one for a while) in what will be the playroom for the dc to use, with strict parental controls and any internet use directly and closely supervised by us.

Neither of them will be getting a phone until secondary, and then only a very basic PAYG without internet access.

We don't have games consoles, but may at some point look into getting a family Wii.

garlicblocks · 10/02/2013 16:45

Hmm. There was a child in my family who could not be dragged away from a screen, had to be practically thrown outdoors to get exercise & daylight, etc, from toddler age. He is now a games developer.

I'm in favour of letting children discover any aptitudes they may have and following their heart (within reason, natch.) If you give them access to art materials, sports equipment, musical instruments, building & engineering kits, word games and number games, the kitchen, the garden, etc, etc ... they will choose for themselves. A computer should be among those resources.

Abitofaworry · 10/02/2013 16:46

Yabu, it's part of their everyday lives now. Total ban very unreasonable IMO. But limits are def necessary (in the case of my young dcs anyway!)

garlicblocks · 10/02/2013 16:47

Mind you, I should be encouraging techno fear! The more of you stay ignorant, the more work there'll be for the rest of us Wink

Sirzy · 10/02/2013 16:50

I think to try to ban technology in this day and age is a rather short sighted approach considering its such a part of every day life. This certainly doesn't mean it has to replace imaginative play though, children are more than capable of using many forms of play.

DS is 3 and has a leappad. The past 48 hours he has been ill so used it more than normal but generally he can go days without playing with it then have half an hour before moving onto something else. To him it's just another toy which he enjoys playing with.

It's only an issue if that's all they do all day.

chandellina · 10/02/2013 17:03

Yes but they do do it all day. Look at the research on children and media. The daily usage is staggering. Children are no longer going out to play or committing to sports. They prefer screen time to anything else, according to studies.

MsVestibule · 10/02/2013 17:12

My DS(4) loves playing games on CBeebies and CBBC on the family computer and as computer usage is inevitable, I don't see that there is any harm in letting him do this for an hour a day. He still plays imaginary games with his older sister and has excellent communication skills. I think the problem starts when usage is unrestricted and they don't use age appropriate games.

Having said that, I don't think YABU. What one parent thinks is suitable for their children isn't the same as another parent.

Apologies for the blandest/most 'sitting on the fence' reply of the day.

Sirzy · 10/02/2013 17:18

I must be seeing things then with all the children I see playing out and joining sports clubs then!

Even if SOME parents allow that that certainly doesn't mean the vast majority do. And perhaps some children don't want to play outdoors or join a sports club.

moonshine · 10/02/2013 17:33

It's an intimate and antisocial form of activity

JCDenton · 10/02/2013 17:36

Er, mine still interact with 'real' people and play make believe games! One doesn't preclude the other!

Exactly, I've played computer games since I was old enough to reach the B button with my thumb and I have the same memories of playing out in the woods, dens and long bike rides as the generation before me have. Can't speak for the internet and mobiles as my childhood rather predates those things as we know them today.

garlicblocks · 10/02/2013 17:39

In online games they are playing with real people. Quite often people they know in real life. Just not in the same building.

Plus what moonshine says about online socialising.

usualsuspect · 10/02/2013 18:13

I think the reason children don't go out to play anymore has more to do with their parents not letting them.

tarantula · 10/02/2013 18:15

Everything in moderation is my view and I think that little and often from a young age is the best way like with anything. Banning things will often make them so much more attractive.
Dd(9) has a laptop for the past year or so and a DS since she was 4. We also have a wii. The ds and wii get played with on a very irregular basis and never for that long. She has become self moderating with them which I think is a good thing. A couple of months ago she helped me put a new touchscreen on her ds which was IMO a very educational for her. Think reading is far more antisocial than game playing as dd and dp have a great social time together when playing on the wii.
The laptop gets used regularly as she watches CBBC on it rather than watching live telly as she is fussy about the programmes she watches. She is also getting very good at finding decent websites for research and we discuss how sites like wiki etc. work and how we need to verify anything we find on there. Today she has finished painting a picture of Elizabeth I that she found on line and is creating a model of Henry VIII also from a picture on line. Sure, she could have found the pictures in books but online she was able to get so much more detail to look at. She also loves creating in powerpoint and Publishers.

cory · 10/02/2013 18:20

chandellina Sun 10-Feb-13 16:25:06
"The big difference between newer technologies and even something like the tv is that it's all about you and the device. It's an intimate and antisocial form of activity. Social networking maybe less so but that comes with other problems."

Not so sure about that. While ds is slumped in front of the television gawping at Jeremy Clarkson, dd is upstairs on her laptop checking out her drama rehearsals, sending emails to penpals in China and Sri Lanka and making arrangements for meeting her friends in town.

And what about books? Having spent my own childhood with my nose buried in books and very resentful if anyone tried to dig me out, I can't help feeling I was the most antisocial one of the lot.

My db is still the same: he will come to somebody's home, pick a book from the shelf and just sink into it; he doesn't even notice he's doing it, he's so addicted. I have my addiction slightly more under control.

wigglesrock · 10/02/2013 18:35

I have 3 children around the same age. In the past 18 months the 2 older ones have Ds s. They play with them a bit - but not so much the games - the 5 year old loves designing the characters. We were given a friend's old wii and the only thing we do on it is bowl - it's good fun but neither of these technologies have stopped them just playing - they are upstairs now and from the sound of them they are playing a very complicated game of desert islands whilst wearing old flower girl outfits :)

MamaBear17 · 10/02/2013 19:27

I personally think that it is every parents choice to make that decision. I wouldnt let a small child have a mobile phone, but I would allow a teenager who was going out alone or with friends to have one. I think the key is to ensure that you, as a parent, are internet savvy and have all of the proper controls set on your computers and smart phones. My husband recently complied an internet safety talk for the parents of the kids at his school and found that the 3rd most 'googled' word by 7 year olds was 'porn!' If you type 'stockings' into google images, without using any safety filters, you can get pornographic images returned in the search. With the proper parental controls and guidance the internet can be used safely, but I think all parents have to make sure that they are savvy.

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