To say he can't go to stag do if there are going to be strippers?

[DelphineD]

I'm sorry if this ends up being long; I will try to keep it as concise as possible.

Last year DP went to a stag do (first one that has come up whilst we have been together). It was one of his closest friends, and one that I previously liked and respected. They were away for 2 nights. I had wondered if some sort of strip thing might be involved but I thought probably not as the friend was not that kind of man and DP assured me when he got back that there was nothing of the kind. I later found out (through my scarily good investigation and interrogation!!) that this was not the case. On the first night they had been to a strip club and on the second night there were topless waitresses at their apartment for about 3 hours. This info came out bit by bit. Each time DP would insist there was nothing more to tell, then I found out something else. Eventually I think I got a full confession out of him but it was difficult to be sure as he had lied so many times about it. I also got out of him that there had been topless waitresses at a work party he had attended some time before (I had suspected something wrong and he had always denied it before.) He claimed all this was not of his doing, it was not really of interest to him and he just went along with it because they were in a group and he didn't want to make a fuss etc etc. If he had had a lap dance, I would have broken up with him (friend had a lap dance and the man has gone down a lot in my estimation.) As it was I nearly broke up with him anyway. He knew how much I hated strippers and how I would feel about it, and he did it anyway. But I think the most damaging thing was the lying. I trusted him before, and he had destroyed all that.

We got over it and agreed that if there was anything like this again he would tell me the truth and face the music. He understands how much more damaging it was that he lied about it. Since then, I have been to a work party where there was a male stripper. I didn't know in advance but I did know once I got there and I could have come home. It seemed a bit hypocritical, but I went anyway. I just sat at the back, while some of the married women in my group, went up on stage, straddled the stripper, took their wedding rings off, etc etc. That made me think that I wasn't so worried about DP being present in a large room where women were stripping, it was how he behaved and the interaction that would bother me. Hence why I was more upset about the topless women in the apartment than the ones in the strip club. FWIW I believe he would have behaved in a similar way to me in his situation. But his friend having that lap dance upset me, and made me think you can't trust any man, even the ones who seem nice and like they really love their partners.

Now he has his DB's stag party coming up. It's in the city where we live, but some people will be coming from elsewhere so there will be an apartment rented again. He has said he will tell the truth about it this time. He has admitted that the best man is planning something to do with strippers but nothing is booked in yet. I'm already feeling upset about it already and I just don't want him to be around strippers at all. WIBU to say, if that is happening, I don't want you to go at all?

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

"for someone who advocates the sexual services industry to say that "relationships don't interest you", is revealing indeed"

Was just about to pick up on this myself.

[worridmum]

Out of interest, seeker what do you think of the women who use lap dancing / male strip clubs? are they Decent, upright pillars of the community, are they?"

Seeker if you dont think they are you would be surpirsed how many are now doctors / lawyers. When I was at oxford university a quite large number of young ladies went to said male strip clubs and I know for a fact a majority of them are in high paying / important and in some cases shock horror teacher your children in both secondry and primary education. (I can also attest the same reasults to a similear number of males in these roles who also had partaken in these places.

(I( am sorry for poor spelling using a phone)

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

"Out of interest, seeker what do you think of the women who use lap dancing / male strip clubs? are they Decent, upright pillars of the community, are they?"

Oh FGS.

[delboysfileofax]

Yes the relationship SECTION OF THIS BOARD. Not relationships themselves. Again that doesnt interest me because i dont think its the right median to discuss ones problems. Whats telling about that?

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

You did NOT go to Oxford with diction like that.

Do you mean Oxford Brooks?

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

Why is it not the right medium? Mumsnet is for advice, is it not?

[ConstantCraving]

Agree with Marmalade. ' a quite large number of young ladies...' please.. wrong on so many levels.

[AnyFucker]

You don't want to be faced with relationships where entitled men mistreat women, del boy ?

I can understand your squeamishness about that, but not really excuse it

[worridmum]

clap clap Marmalade I can assure you I did indeed go to Oxford university I just happen to be dyslexic so I find grammer / spelling difficult which is not helped by my use of a smart phone which does not have the tools which help me overcome this problem and frankly why should my poor grammer/spelling have any advirse effect on my actual arguement as all it shows is your arguement is poor and thus have to resort to examining spelling and grammer.

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

It's not the spelling/grammar. It's your diction. It's hard to follow.

My argument is fine. I can pick your last one to pieces if you'd prefer?

[AnyFucker]

Happy Clappy LapDancers funding PHD's

men who just want to give women choice

Oxford Graduates A-Go-Go

Just another evening on the Reality TV that is this thread

[FreudiansSlipper]

yes you probably will see quite a few young women at lap dancing clubs I doubt you will see many women 30+ yet you will see many men who are older

could be they are too busy to go or feel it is seedy or that they do not feel the need to look like they are liberal in their views and support their partners pervy ways

[delboysfileofax]

anyfucker, really? like really? I dont want to be faced with those sort of relationships? How was i to know what sort of relationships are on there if i've never even looked. stop supposing you know how i think/feel.

[AnyFucker]

You haven't wanked over been on the Relationships section, Del ?

I don't believe you

Or are we supposed to believe you only come on Mumsnet (a well known female dominated parenting website) to defend the Sexual Services Industry ?

I am not sure which is worse

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

But you're so concerned with women's rights DelBoy...why wouldn't you proffer your wisdom on a thread where you could do some good instead of expending your limited intellect on championing the right of women to shake their tits in the faces of men? Why are you channelling all of your energy on MN on this type of thing?

[worridmum]

Well am sorry my attempt to copy and past seekers constant messaging failed I can assure my dictation is better when I do not have to use my phone to post.

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

I'm not making wild assumptions here but I'm sure it's a coincidence that the lapdancing yeasayers aren't great at writing...

[Latara]

This is an interesting argument so far... but please can certain posters stop boasting about their academic prowess - this is not a debate about who has the highest IQ & best education; it's about the OP.

Some of the points & issues raised are interesting & are changing my mind on the subject of strippers etc.

But i hate feeling like i'm not good enough to comment because i'm not so educated.

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

I think that the debate has moved on from the OP now.

I am not boasting about my academic prowess. I don't even have a degree.

[AnyFucker]

I have a degree from a University that was actually a Polytechnic when I attended it a lot of years ago

I will pick up on posters who try to use their education, or other's education, to make a point though

especially when that point is poorly made

because you really cannot come on a thread like this with shite arguments, the reason being that the subject has been done to death, so you better be pretty clear and concise or get your ass whupped

it's the nature of the beast I am afraid

straw men, derailing, obfuscation and bare-faced lying will not be tolerated well, and nor should it be

[Latara]

Well you sound a lot more educated than i am anyway.

But yes it's true that some of the women in clubs are trafficked - i know of a club owner who trafficked girls in from Russia. He also has a reputation locally as a cocaine trafficker.

If i'm really honest i wouldn't like a partner of mine going to a LDC because it's also true (i've heard for a fact from people who know) that prostitution takes place there, but i'd probably put up with it & hope my partner wasn't involved - that's because i have low self-esteem myself about men & relationships, sadly.

[StrawberrytallCAKE]

I hope I won't out myself here but I also worked in a strip club, del, possibly the biggest and most 'prestigious' in the country as a waitress. It was my only option at the time and paid well enough for me to get myself back on my feet after a year, it makes me feel sick thinking about it now and the fact I have two dds doesn't help.

I also have a very different experience than you do, maybe you didn't see as much from the doors/behind the bar...which was it again? Most of the women that worked there were Eastern European and they were mostly also prostitutes. There was touching, people could come and buy private areas and women for hours (which many very wealthy businessmen did) and the cameras were switched off. The men were all letches and it was repulsive, I didn't see one example of a nice man.

You are right with the range though - businessmen in strip clubs are arseholes showing off to their clients/employees power hungry evil men, the stag parties who are letches and want the extras without paying for it, the loners who I always had a slight suspicion they could be serial killers...not once did I see a first timer who wasn't eager to get straight into a booth and have some vagina in his face though.

I am probably best not to get started on the criminals the clubs have to pay for protection.

[AnyFucker]

Me Latara ?

I am no more educated than you, I am sure

But I do take the time to read, and think about what I argue against, and resist taking the line of least resistance

it is much easier to excuse men their little foibles, to simper about "men will be men", to compete with other women to keep a man, to pretend to be "cool" to not piss off a boyfriend who wants to use women sexually with impunity

not for me, never was, and that was before I ever had an A level to my name

[delboysfileofax]

Ah just keep with the insults anyfucker. You stay classy now, i think we're done dont you

As to why Im not championing womens rights is pretty much because its not my concern. But glad to see you're doing your bit marmalade. Bitching on the internet bringing down the patriachy one key stroke at a time. Shame you dont feel strong enough to get up of your arse and do something about it. Keep up the good fight eh

[Latara]

Also many of the women dancers are drug addicts or users.

However i know a woman who was a dancer at an LDC by choice who didn't use drugs; but she makes no secret of the fact that it was for the money & also in a weird way for the attention - i don't understand why she wanted that kind of attention from pervy men & have never asked her (it would be interesting to know though).