to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

Of course it was Xenia.

Tilting at windmills, HannahQuixote.

Lemon drizzle cake is best eaten while "running from pillar to post".

As Pag said pages back, do we have to counter unreasonable and cliched comments about WOHMs by posting unreasonable and cliche comments about SAHMs ?
After all many of us will at some stage be both. And most people just think women are pretty great dealing with their responsibilities in the best way they can.

Sorry for stealing, Pag, but I thought it might be worth saying again.

and now I'll be accused of arselicking I expect

And

TUBE

Carry on....

of course it's a wind up. but it's a larf innit.

fwiw, initially i worked part time after DS1 was born before finding it flipping impossible. PND, still breastfeeding and not sleeping at night. so I chose to give it up and i was a SAHM for about 3 years. I had to take an evening job purely for some social interaction and mental stimulation during that time and worked on some art projects for an exhibition in 'spare time'. I returned to work when DH was unexpectedly made redundant from his job. Initially part time as that was what was available, then full time. DH assumed SAHD role for about 3 years.
As of this week we are both working full time for the first time since DS1 was born 8 years ago.

So I've seen it all from many perspectives and to summarise there really is nothing worse than a smug judgemental SAHM.

I suspect the real thread title should be, "AIBU to think the that the further up your own arse you are, the more in need of a MN reality check I am?"

I've got loads of SAHM friends and plenty of working friends too, we are all incredibly supportive of one another and never make digs at each other either. We respect each others decision to work or not and help out when we can with lifts, having DC's to stay etc. I just cannot imagine having this discussion for 'real'.

I love my friends dearly though so maybe that's why unlike the OP who just seems to want to point score

TUBE !

Hooray. I invented something.

I'm a PT working single parent and I moan, moan, moan, moan, shout and grumble all of the time. I'd like to not work but am rather fond of eating and having a warm, cosy house.

Having said that I expect that in 20yrs time when my kids will have hopefully both finished Uni I will look back and figure it was worth it. Won't stop me being a ratty cow in the meantime though.

I count myself a sahm, although technically I'm on the 'mummy track'
I've also been full time wohm (for a very brief period of 6 months)
I don't necessarily believe that having the means and ability to do everything men do is a positive. I don't know many men who wouldn't jump at the chance of working fewer hours so they could see their kids more. I wouldn't be so envious of men and what they do! There was a big survey recently of working mums and it revealed that a tiny infitismal number of mums want to be full time. The 'mummy track' might be a handy way for old fashioned bosses to dismiss women, but doesn't make me feel pressured to work more.

Oi, I'd like a tiny bit of credit for TUBE too, please.

Please?

FirstTimeFor Everything

Just advance search 'prostitution' as posted by Xenia.

I like working and would do my job full time if the hours were available.

[sigh]
Ok VinegarDrinker.

Well done for the whole TUBE thing.

The thing that I find a bit hard to process, is that anyone gives a fuck what anyone else thinks about whether they are a WOHM or SAHM. I'm a WOHM and I care about the debate on a political level, bur I really don't give a monkeys uncle that hannah (or any one of yous lot) believes my kids are neglected/deprived of love/attention/lemon drizzle cake

Quick rehash, ex longterm wohm but currently short-term sahm which explains my lack of brain cells ; ) but forgot what TUBE was again?

Nope. I swear on my life that the 'slavery and prostitution' remark was not made by either Xenia or scottishmummy. It might have been inspired by a Xenia comment in the past, but it was made by someone else.

I have not read the whole thread, but have skimmed through and agree with those who say that when your dcs are older you will regret the decision to not work at all.

My dcs are now 15 and 10 and I have just returned to ft work, having worked every combination of pt work possible over the last 15 years to juggle and accommodate my dcs and my career, self worth and contribution to the household income.

But, the most valued and totally unexpected reason that I am glad that I made the choices I did was recently when my ds wrote in an essay that both his parents had a good work ethic and this motivated and inspired him to work hard at school. I have to admit that I was gobsmacked when I read it, but it made me realise that everything we do is noted by our dcs even if they don't comment on it and our actions are what are shaping their future.

"I don't necessarily believe that having the means and ability to do everything men do is a positive"
Sometimes I despair! I really hope you are not bringing your children up to believe this bollocks.

"I don't know many men who wouldn't jump at the chance of working fewer hours so they could see their kids more"

But can't you see that the way you are advocating of women staying at home, means those same men have to work longer hours to pay the bills? HannahsSister

Or would you have everyone at home all the time, and living off thin air?

Xenia doesn't think children should be put into full time childcare. She thinks you should get your finger out, out earn your husband by ££££££ who will SAH until you send them off to top schools. Or get a nanny.

She's very anti people moaning about their lot in any case, both wohm (earn more, buy in paid help) and sahm (get your finger out, earn £100k)

TUBE - The Usual Bunfight Ensued

A brand shiny new meme invented by me Pagwatch upthread

Hannah then could do a little bit of work and find those posts yourself. Advance search is there.

Thankyouverymuch Pagwatch, very gracious

I feel like a total loser now

Pickled you must make Mars' LDC

it's the dog's bollocks

Xenia has her own island. I want to live on it with her and fight about the division of labour.