to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

[ChestyLeRoux]

Olgaga would be 53 and ops husband would be early 50s.I know my mum and dad coildnt do their jobs they are doing and permanently have children with them now.They get tired after just the weekend doing it.

[SpecialAgentKat]

Oh I apologise! I thought Olgaga said she was in her forties.

[ChestyLeRoux]

She was but her childs 12.I can see why she doesnt go back now is what I meant.Also if ops husband is in 50s if both of them have jobs and the children to care for 24/7 I can see it woild be tiring.

[Jossysgiants]

Op- 2008 isn't 15 years ago is it?

[Wishihadabs]

Have finally read through the whole thread.OP I think the elephant in the room here is that your DH didn't pull his weight when you were working, that's why you found it so overwhelming.

Since Ds was born 8 years ago DH and I have really split things 50/50 or as close as is practical. You found it difficult because your DH carried on much as before. Did you never ask yourself why he felt entitled to do that ? I suspect it is in part because you were both older and he older than you. Old dog, new tricks ?

Also having had 20 years in the work place before having dcs , there is less of your career ahead of you so maybe you don't mind sacrificing it so much.

I had been working for 3 years when I had my 1st to give it up would have been extremely foolish. I will be 45 when Ds is 18, so another 20 years of work ahead of me.

As I said earlier DH and I have both adapted our working patterns to facilitate family life and I would find anything showed a lack of respect TBH.

I accept that your circumstances are different. FWIW I think the arguments around nursery are a non-sequitur. If both partners pull their weight there is much less need for formal childcare (see Catgirls posts)

[Wishihadabs]

Sorry that should read anything else showed a lack of respect

[HandbagCrab]

How wonderful that such a Walter Mitty poster has taken the time to speak to us between setting up her own business, doing a phd, working to consultant level, property developing AND after all that, developing the ultimate lemon drizzle pizza whilst being a sahm! Unbelievable! Perhaps another career in politics beckons op after you have organically hand raised your weans?

[LurcioLovesFrankie]

Wot, making my own pizza dough qualifies me for domestic goddess-dom? Woohoo

[scottishmummy]

stripey you're v comedic, I do like a mn pantomime villain
I've been at work now for hours kids at mrs hannigans daycare orphanage in care of felons
and I've never baked a drizzle cake in my life,why would I when bakery so delicious

[StripeyBear]

(coughs politey) A lot older - I'm only 42 - not exactly on my last legs Chesty I wouldn't complain about our age in terms of our ability to look after DCs. We are both fit and healthy, and I am sure there are many younger parents, who are not as fortunate health-wise who would struggle more and many parents the same age who have an awful lot more on their plate, and still work.

Anyway I digress - it's not really about being tired and juggling... it's more that I can't be in 2 places at the one time. If I go to work, I work in an area where I'd have to work at least 3 days a week, and would generally be gone from 8am till 6pm every day. I just don't want to put my baby to bed on a Sunday night and barely see her again until the following Thursday. And as I don't have to - that's just dandy

[Wishihadabs]

But stripey what about not seeing their dad from Sunday to Friday ? Because you have choose to be at home ft therefore he has no choice ? FWIW my children ha e never gone to bed before 730 and are always up before 7.

[freddiemercuryismine]

Stripey - what age are you children and are they boys or girls or a mix?

[gordyslovesheep]

Morning! I generally find happy people don't spend their weekends being goady on the interweb ...just saying

[janey68]

Freddiemercury- who knows... Yesterday she had 1 , then 2...

[fromparistoberlin]

"Morning! I generally find happy people don't spend their weekends being goady on the interweb ...just saying"


I could not agree more!!!!!!!

cant be arsed to read thread. OP is BU but I am sure thats been exhausted already

[StripeyBear]

Wishihadabs Don't know how I have given the impression that DH isn't an involved parent. It is not the case. He is a brilliant Dad. He is perfectly willing to get up with the DCs (including now when I'm not working outside the home), do housework etc., focus activities around the children, go to Disneyland etc etc.

Things were different for us because DH didn't want to work less than full-time He would have been totally happy with me working full-time too, and having a 5 day a week nanny - even though it didn't make financial sense once you consider the 40% tax on days 4 and 5 and the childcare costs - or of looking after the children on evenings/weekends, whilst I worked. However, like a lot of couples, we both had jobs that required you to work in regular office hours.

I on the other hand WANTED to be with my baby, and found it difficult to go back to work and be away from her. I went back half time to keep my hand in. That was the key problem - where as before I had always picked plum jobs in my organisation, now I had to find any position where the manager would accept my half-time working. There is a real prejudice that job shares don't work in my field of work at my level - senior managers want staff who will be available all the time as the work is fast moving, unpredicatable and very pressurised - so this really limited what jobs I could get.

So there you go - I ended up working in a sleepy back water - with people who weren't frankly that good... it was hugely frustrating for me. I was enjoying work less than I ever had (although earning similar pro rata) and felt really torn, as for the first time in my life, rather than living, breathing work and socilaising with work colleagues, I had something more interesting to do at home - ie. be with my baby.

Things around the edge were additionally difficult - I really didn't want to get the red eye to London and be away from my DD from 5.30am till 9 pm - because I thought it was bad enough being abway from her 8am to 6pm... but the central problem was, I wanted to be with my baby and my husband didn't want to work less than f/t.

Hope that explains it better.

[StripeyBear]

HandbagCrab Mon 11-Feb-13 08:13:29
How wonderful that such a Walter Mitty poster has taken the time to speak to us between setting up her own business, doing a phd, working to consultant level, property developing AND after all that, developing the ultimate lemon drizzle pizza whilst being a sahm! Unbelievable! Perhaps another career in politics beckons op after you have organically hand raised your weans?

Thank you HandbagCrab. Lemon Drizzle Pizza - very Heston.

[StripeyBear]

Scottishmummy I was saving it for the last post, but I have to go out in a bit, and it would be criminal to miss the opportunity to share the best Lemon Drizzle Cake recipe.
www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2001/nov/11/foodanddrink.recipes1

Nigel Slater is the only man on earth I would consider leaving my husband for. Yes, yes, I know he is gay (sigh). It was his little piece about washing up at the end of Real Food that finally tipped me over the edge - imagine being able to make washing up sound sensuous. Love his vegetable patch too.


(considers Janey68 's accusation) Hmm... I think I am generally quite happy. However, I suppose I'd had a lot of difficult things in my life, and I have a low tolerance of moaning.

Righty ho - off to baby music now... hope everyone has a good morning

[EasilyBored]

Even if I had all day every day free to parent and never had to go to work, I would still never have enough time to priorise making my own bloody pizza dough. Seriously, it's called Dominoes. Try it.