to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

WOHM:s 928

SAHMs: 929

Dads: 0

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...........

OP have you ever found yourself wondering "WHY?" about your friends' partners working? Assuming that is, they are men?

If not, why not?

can't remember the names or dates, but there are, as you will be very aware, a vocal and sizeable group of women who come on here mostly to mock sahm's. I remember pulling one up about it last month when she compared sahm'ing to slavery or prostitution

Being a working mum can be really stressful. But on the other hand a lot of people who have taken a number of years out of the workplace will find it hard to get back in at any sort of level. I know a couple of people this has happened to. If you don't care about than then fine. Enjoy being a stay at home Mum if you can afford it.

I am offended by your posts OP. You seem to think all working mothers have a choice.

I DO NOT.

We could not afford the mortgage if I worked.

I am currently going through a bit of a fucking tough time given that it's the busiest time of year at work, I've recently had a miscarriage, a death in the family and a whole bunch of illness.

So I'm moaning more than normal. My friends are supporting me, thank fuck, though I suppose they could be posting things like this without my knowledge.

But the point is I moan to get things off my chest to my friends, while also hoping things will change. I keep my eyes out for other work, I am reducing stresses where I can, but in the meantime I can't simply afford to quit my job.

Open your eyes and don't be such a bitch. STOP. DOING. IT.

I find it incomprehensible when working mums moan all the time. I also find it incomprehensible when sahm moan all the time.

If you don't like where you are either do something about it or quit moaning.

Some working mums drive me potty, some sahm drive me mad.

All in all, you do what is best for your family and to hell with what anyone else thinks.

Shrugs.

Nevergoogle !

I hate the assumption that all SAHM's are boring and just talk about nappies and formula. There is a middle ground and some of us SAHM's are just as bored with talking about babies as the next man and avoid it like the plague.

Why on earth can't I be a SAHM and mentally stimulated and interesting to talk to? The two aren't always mutually exclusive - Christ I've worked with some boring bastards in the past too. What is the conclusion - that only boring people stay at home and only interesting people go to work what a load of fuckwhittery.

I've been a SAHM for 10 years and haven't baked a thing in that time or exchanged a single recipe - too busy talking about the economy or some such with my equally interested friends.

OP you do sound very smug it has to be said, all that pizza dough crap, gives us SAHM's a bad name doncha know?

If I didn't work, argh fucking typos!

Must add among my friends there are SAHM and working parents and I never judge them for their working choices. Families do what work for them.

Ironically I have very much enjoyed a large slice of lemon drizzle cake this afternoon, delicious it was, and I managed to fit it in with my exhausting crazy WOHM schedule.

why can't I judge someone who wakes her kid, sends to childcare, picks kids up and puts kid to bed?

Ah, so all that stuff about judging families was bollocks then?

It's just mothers you judge?

Having read the post above my last one, I would like to admit that exceptional circumstances mean moaning is probably beneficial. There are things you can't change but jobs generally you can re-train, and sahm can generally find pt work when the kids are older etc.

God OP, I feel sorry for your friends. The wohm life you describe is not mine. Our family holiday in April was booked back in October, my kids eat a freshly cooked meal every meal because I meal plan and then do grocery online shopping according to the list, my blackberry is switched off Friday evening and not on till Monday morning and I am a senior woman in the City so not side lined for anything, thank you very much. I do have my moans but my friends are lovely and supportive.

Ah, you met Xenia there, hannah

I'm friends with both sahm and wohm and never get any of this shit in real life. I work freelance at home so feel more like a sahm.

I wouldn't dream of judging someone for working or staying at home. How silly is that.

And where the hell is Scottish mummy?

funnily enough BigAudio, that wasn't Xenia! I know it sounds like a Xeniaism, but it was someone else!

Lemon drizzle cakes is astonishingly divisive. Yet now I really fancy some.

I love lemon drizzle cake. I actually wouldn't mind a good recipe. Mmmmm.

Hahaha at Xeniaism

Sounds like a cult.

cult

YABU for asking why they are working mum's OP, but you should know that. You have no idea if they choose to work, or have to work and since you aren't an integral partner in their relationship it's likely there's a lot you don't actually know- even if you think you do. And YABU to judge everyone else the same as them.

YABU as well in that they are your friend and friends moan to each other- do you really think somewhere in the past or down the line you haven't done the same to them? Moaning about family, friends, job, home, parents, school, kids? Because if you haven't, you will.

I can understand why you'd be annoyed by repetitive moaning that's exactly the same, but again can you say you've never done it? I used to moan a lot about work-at the time all i could do was leave because the issues I had could not be sorted, but i couldn't leave because there was no jobs. My friends probably got sick of hearing about it until a new job came along. Now I'm seeing another friend go through exactly the same and i remind myself of how i felt back then when it frustrate me.

You may see an 'easy fix' to their problems but it may not be as simple as you see it. Why don't you just ask them? You may be surprised by the answer you get