to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

Oooooh I like TUBE as a new acronym. (Is it new? I am...)

I want to know what the Mummy Track is now, though. And how I identified myself as being on it. Or not.

Hannah, do you pour scorn on fathers who work long hours in the same way? Or is it just mothers that you feel the need to judge?

What a smug, self satisfied OP.
Being a working mum is barmy, be grateful or stop doing it. Honestly what a lot of nonsense, I'm irritated that I am even responding.

Hannah I really don't think it is to do with how 'clever' you are. Some people like babies, enjoy their company, others don't. I didn't. I really disliked a lot of it. I loved going out on adventures, but staying in and playing games a toddler liked I found hellish. Time never moved so slowly than when playing 'schools' with a toddler and 12 teddies.

We are all different. Not necessarily better, just different.

I have just had an epiphany.

Ultimately these threads make me want to send lots of posters to their rooms and think about their behaviour because it's none of their business so they should stop shit stirring.

These threads turn me into my mum

Arggghhhhhhhhhhh..

Vinegar, we all judge. There's a lot of judgment on this thread. Ironically, it's mostly directed from the wohm's towards the sahm's.
And whilst I'd never admit it aloud, I would judge a family with two full time working parents of very young children who didn't need two full time incomes.
Obviously I wouldn't say anything, but I'd certainly judge inwardly. We all do that. Just look at the judgment above from wohm's who think sahm's are braindead, dull, unemployable etc etc etc..
It's not ideal for young children (google attachment theory) to be in daycare full time. If someone's going to judge the sahm for being 'dull and unemployable' or the part time worker for being 'on the Mummy track' then why can't I judge someone who wakes her kid, sends to childcare, picks kids up and puts kid to bed?

Im with Pagwatch on this thread ridiculous to pigeonhole people and marks you out as a leetle bit thick...

Laqueen you should have spent time with some of my old work colleagues. Super bright top league with lots of "mental stimulation" but dull as ditchwater I would rather chew my own arm off than voluntarily spend time with them.

Also dont see this as two "camps" my friends do all sorts of things some are SAHMs some are professors/top level government/fashion etc

Hmm. HannahsSisters40

But you see how objectionable and unfair you find those judgements? Why do you think a reasonable response is to post nasty stuff implying that WOHMs care less about their children than you do?

You kind of lose the right to complain about the nastiness if you are posting grim stuff yourself. Don't you?

dropping my boys off at breakfast club this week an hour early for school, I announced, "They've had breakfast I'm just sick of the sight of them", before returning home for a day off sick on the sofa under a duvet.

mwaaahahahaaaaaa. this is not an entirely relevant post i understand that.

I have the answer to the whole issue, it's the stay at home dad.

I've told DH to crack open the cookbooks and get the lemon drizzle recipes ready.

as someone who was a sahm, and eventually did have to go to work, i know how much having kept busy helped, and filled up any gaps in my cv.

Hannah - curious to know how you would determine when/if a family needs 2 incomes?

Could you link to these threads please hannah

Nice try, hannahssister.

Out of interest Hannah, in your family where 2 people work and don't "need" the dual income, whom would you judge / expect to give up work?

Feminist working mum here (WAHM, self employed, vocational job, main breadwinner) - just to save anyone having to guess. That's enough info for anyone to judge me without having to read the rest of the post, if you want!

To point out the obvious, a lot of working mums have no choice but to work. Financially speaking.

That aside - I do understand how working and having children can leave women feeling as if they are doing 2 things badly rather than 1 thing well. So much depends on how much support you have at work and at home. Some mums, if they are able, choose to focus on their family at the expense of work/career - others do the opposite (I hear a LOT from ft working women with young families that it doesn't matter who is looking after their children, as long as they are safe and cared for, etc. I have never seen any evidence that this is true - while I would dearly love to see dads more involved with childcare, and taking time off work in the way that mothers do, I see no actual evidence that fulltime nursery care for babies and small children is good for them, whatever people feel subjectively).

I find I am not happy to only see my children at the weekend - so make considerable compromises with my work and other areas of life (fitness, social life) to try and fit both in.

Personally I loathe everything being 'timetabled' - I think it turns children into problems, especially small children, and often leaves me trying to cram work in at daft times of day when I am exhausted.

However - my career would not allow me to take say 3 or 5 years away from work. There is no realistic part time equivalent of what I do. My partner would not be able to support us if I was not working. I would not be able to find part time work without taking a much lower status, low paid job in a different field.

So while I do get some job satisfaction from what I do, and I have a basic happiness at spending as much time as I can with my ds - I would probably complain of all the things your friends complain of, OP.

I have posted because you wondered why they live as they do. I hope you can see these are some answers.

Not angry at all hannahsisters- you trying your cod psychology again?!
Just waiting for you to link to a few of these threads started by WOHM solely to attack SAHM!

It is ridiculous to say whether more threads are started by wohm slagging off sahm or vice versa unless you read every single thread ever posted and keep a tally.