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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

999 replies

StripeyBear · 09/02/2013 15:06

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be Sad

OP posts:
janey68 · 11/02/2013 00:26

Has anyone done a PhD in lemon drizzle cakes yet?

janey68 · 11/02/2013 00:28

Linerunner- the op could do one in bull shit Grin

LineRunner · 11/02/2013 00:30

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AnnieLobeseder · 11/02/2013 00:31

DH and I could get a joint PhD in homemade pizza. We're very good at it.

StripeyBear - since I'm getting paid to do my PhD (in taxpayers' money and everything), I think the economic return will work out just fine, thanks. Tell your DH he chose the wrong field. But thanks for your concern.

LineRunner · 11/02/2013 00:31

It weird, no-one ever asks me to explain the contents of my thesis in any detail.

My friend, a leading expert on algae, says the same.

StripeyBear · 11/02/2013 00:32

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AnnieLobeseder · 11/02/2013 00:33

Linerunner - cave shit is very lucrative! And bats, complete with their shit, are the new pigs/chickens when it comes to exciting new potentially pandemic viruses. I am jealous!

LineRunner · 11/02/2013 00:35

What are you doing your PhD on, Annie?

I've got a research grant pending to do a spin-off of mine, if I can drag myself away from the Baby Booze Factory.

Original poster
StripeyBear · 11/02/2013 00:37

AnnieLobeseder Mon 11-Feb-13 00:31:06
DH and I could get a joint PhD in homemade pizza. We're very good at it.

StripeyBear - since I'm getting paid to do my PhD (in taxpayers' money and everything), I think the economic return will work out just fine, thanks. Tell your DH he chose the wrong field. But thanks for your concern.

Annie - ignore my husband on such matters - he gives great head, but he is a miserable fuck. He is a economist, and they specialise in being narky.

My PhD was paid for my ESRC - so I thought it was great, but the economic rate of return is calculated by considering its lifetime impact on your earning potential - hysterical now, in this context, I know.

So basically, if you worked for 30 years after your PhD or whatever, it would look at whether you earn a premium for your 30 years because of your PhD weighed against the cost of doing it... and basically the cost of taking 3 years out of earning is less than the enhancement to your salary - on average that is... Are you doing it part-time? Not sure if the same rules apply :(

OP posts:
Jinsei · 11/02/2013 00:37

Well, I work FT, never needed a nursery and like to swap cake recipes with my colleagues. Where does that leave me? Confused

I don't recognise the WOHM life that the OP describes. It sounds awful, but it's nothing like my experience. I wouldn't want to SAHM either. Fine if that's what you want, but it wouldn't be my choice.

You sound very narrow-minded OP. It's as if you can't think beyond your own personal experience. I would find that very limiting.

Dereksmalls · 11/02/2013 00:38

If you're a scientist, I thought it was often important to get a phd in order to be given proper recognition in your field - I know someone who took a break from industry for this reason. How do you manage to progress in academia without a phd?

SpecialAgentKat · 11/02/2013 00:40

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Original poster
StripeyBear · 11/02/2013 00:40

I have to say Annie in fairness, he was quite right. Having a PhD was practially no advantage in my career. I would have been better to start 3 years earlier and get 3 years working experience.. but might not apply to all areas :)

OP posts:
SpecialAgentKat · 11/02/2013 00:41

CAN'T! Freudian Slip?

Original poster
StripeyBear · 11/02/2013 00:41

Are you talking to me or Annie Dereksmalls?

OP posts:
LineRunner · 11/02/2013 00:41

Because a really good thing about doing a PhD, Annie, is that you can carry on writing about the subject, and (as I was lucky enough to do) visiting countries for fieldwork.

I still hanker after a good desert sunset.

Dereksmalls · 11/02/2013 00:45

Both really, that's my understanding. It may be pointless in some areas (an accountant with a phd I'm sure has been pissing their time away from a purely career oriented point of view) but less so in other sectors.

And it always helps get you upgraded on planes Grin

Original poster
StripeyBear · 11/02/2013 00:45

This is kind of odd... everyone left here had a PhD or did I read that wrong...

OP posts:
LineRunner · 11/02/2013 00:48

I've never been upgraded! Swizz.

Original poster
StripeyBear · 11/02/2013 00:53

Derek my field is social science, not hard science. I got my PhD in 2008 - OMG 15 years ago... I did a post doc, but moved on after about a year and spent a decade in an unrelated career

I enjoyed writng a thesis though - I wouldn't stop anyone from following that path - it was hugely intense and rewarding. It might surprise people here to hear it was grounded in feminist theoretical theory Grin

I'd really enjoyed all the different things I've done - it's been a blast Grin

OP posts:
Dereksmalls · 11/02/2013 00:53

I don't but I know many who do. The economic return to DH for his will have been crap, partly because he then moved out of his field but I know others who have benefited significantly.

Dereksmalls · 11/02/2013 00:56

What is feminist theoretical theory?

LineRunner · 11/02/2013 01:00

Good night, I have to be up for work in the morning.

Morloth · 11/02/2013 05:41

I pay someone else to make my cakes.

ChestyLeRoux · 11/02/2013 06:11

I do think its relevant that olgaga and stripeybear are a lot older and makes sense that you wouldnt want to do both.My mum is in her late 50s and even though looks young says she has slowed down considerably.