to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

Well I don't know why you're dismissing what I say as a load of rubbish. I'm only speaking from my own experience. I realise many mums do have to work either for financial reasons or to keep their place on the career ladder. Like I said, I had a career and had my DD very late - I was almost 41.

So I have worked with young mums, and seen how difficult it was for them and how it affected their performance at work and general well-being. What I didn't realise until I became a mum was how it affected their children's well-being.

All I can say is I am pleased it has worked out for me the way it did. I had a tiny baby (just 4lb4oz), had a job which involved lots of travel, there was not a chance I could continue in my career, but having worked for so long already money wasn't a pressing issue - and having slogged it out to get where I was I felt I'd got about as far as I wanted to go with it. It certainly wasn't worth depriving my DD of a full-time parent.

And it's not the case that I'm talking rubbish about the views of the early years carers I have met - I have met many. It's true, like it or not.

By the way, I do still work - I am just in the fortunate position of being able to control the amount of time I devote to it. I gradually increased the amount I do as DD has got older - but I am acutely aware of how my DD feels when I haven't been around much for a week or so.

When you say I'm talking rubbish, does that also include my view that everyone has to make their own choices?

All I am saying is that OP's opinion is as valid as those of you who are tearing her to shreds and being rather insulting in the process.

No I'm not joking.

They are amazing. I like the Giselda Graeme ones best. But anything in a vintage print will do. Especially 1940's aeroplanes. He looks brilliaint in those. Like out of a life style magaine. Me and DH love that.

I cannot believe olgaga you have personally visited EVERY nursery in the UK and observed EVERY single experience of all the children there and met all of the people who work in them. Sweeping statements to say the least.

Olgaga Im in early years and I dont think its true at all.

Night gordy x

Good for you Olgaga good for you

your views do not in anyway reflect my own personal experiences of nursery care as a worker or as a mother of 3 so that is why I don't agree

I work because I want to work - is this okay or did feminism not happen?

BTW I was a young mum

Sorry for the typing.

It's hard to type with one hand whilst simultaneously neglecting your child with the other

Dereksmalls Sun 10-Feb-13 23:12:11
You mentioned Coatbridge - I live in Edinburgh, I have friends who live towards Glasgow and Stirling, the rate for everyone's cleaner is £10-12.50 an hour.

We live in Edinburgh - I think you're thinking about the rate the agency charge - not what the cleaner earns. We use an agency called Home Sweet Home. You pay an arrangement fee to them directly each month, but you also pay your cleaner directly - they just negotiate the rate with us! I think they do it to avoid them having any employment rights :(

I think they charge about £30 a month to arrange your cleaner and then you pay the cleaner directly - so if you have a 2 hour clean - that's £6.50 arrangment fee, plus £7.50 per hour - so £10.75 per hour. People don't think about the agency fee - they do well and the cleaner earns squat diddly. I have to say, my cleaner is lovely, and I do top up her wage, but it's not really a career of choice is it? :(

It's hard to type with one hand whilst simultaneously neglecting your child with the other

Practice Catgirl, just takes practice. It'll come.

I think you actually do not know as much as you let on Olgaga. Why would young mums in particular be affected ???

Olgaga- no one said what you are choosing to do is rubbish. It was the fact that your post started with a sweeping generalisation about WOHM ignoring how their children feel.

You gave up your career because you couldn't combine it with parenting in a way you were comfortable with. That's fine. You don't need to justify it to us. Just stop pretending you have inside knowledge of how other mums feel about their own children

I must go to bed but this thread is comedy gold :)

I still haven't got to the bottom of my accidental pregancy yet.........

I do think its different in olgagas case as she will be 61 when her child is 20 so you would need to spend a lot more time with them when your young.Thats a different type of case as that is significantly older than a lot of new mums.

catgirl1976 Sun 10-Feb-13 23:18:44
You know when you lose it in public?
Instagram that. It's a Kodak moment.l

me too

anyway I hope to go I don't get accidentally pregnant while I sleep

Better sleep with your legs crossed cat girl

Is

I have much more experience with parenting than you olgaga and children of different ages. I have also been a younger mother, and am quite close to your age now,I have a career. I didn't say your opinion was rubbish it was your generalisations which seemed shockingly naive.

bloody [http://www.chicagotribune.com/media/alternatethumbnails/story/2011-09/65112090-29125137.jpg working mums]]

opps that

I bet you are a HEO on £26 a year Annie nd that you only mean to make cupcakes, but haven't actually done it since before Christmas

I earn less than £26, sadly. Because we scientists are just so bloody enthusiastic about what we do, the powers that be realised long ago that they could pay us peanuts and we'd still do it. A bit like nursery workers, really. But at least we earn a bit more.

And I'll have you know that I made three whole batches of cupcakes on Thursday evening for DD2's school cake sale on Friday.

So nyeeeeeeeeeeeeerh.

PS: what's an HEO? Google gives me these options.
HEO Heavy Equipment Operator
HEO High Earth Orbit
HEO Higher Executive Officer
HEO Hungarian Energy Office (est. 1994; Hungary)
HEO Highly-inclined Elliptical Orbit
HEO Health Education Officer
HEO Harbour Empowerment Order (UK)
HEO High Eccentricity Orbit
HEO Highly Elliptical Orbit/ Orbiters
HEO Higher Education Organization

If I had to choose one, I'd like to be a Highly-inclined Elliptical Orbit.

catgirl1976 Sun 10-Feb-13 23:20:18
ummmm... if your life is"mostly" measured by your salry, and you don't earn aynthing

net worth of course

So ultimately, wealthy woman in privileged position got sick of trying to juggle full on job and kids so jacked in job (not huge tumble in net income surely, you said after costs it worked out at £50/week). And you can't understand why everyone who isn't 100% happy with their work-life balance doesn't do the same?

Umm, because they either don't really want to or can't afford to and they mistakenly think they are letting off a bit of steam to an understanding friend.

I presume as their friend, you have suggested it. How did they respond? Didn't that answer your question.