to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

Must be so hard, keeping on top of all that research and perfecting a lemon drizzle cake recipe.

I don't know how you do it op :)

Fwiw lemon drizzle isn't event that good...if I had a whole day at home, every day, every week I'd be cracking some belting patisserie out of my oven, not a lowly lemon drizzle. Currently working on perfecting chocolate eclairs, maybe time to quit fulfilling career to be able to brag about baking online.

Thanks Earlier...! Sometimes I think some people like the OP just have no idea how hard it is for single mums with no support - but I guess they think they just made better life choices in the man they had their DC with...we thought our choices were Ok or we wouldn't have had DC...then life throws you a curveball

Eclairs are piss easy.

Just saying.

And now she wants taxpayers to fund the creation of even more lemon drizzlers...

I am very stressed, disorganised and knackered through having to work (mostly) from home while looking after small children.

I have tried to talk about my life to stay at home mothers and find I get no understanding and usually a blank stare. Now I know what is going on in their minds, thanks OP.

I have no interest in lemon drizzle cake or pizza dough so I will just avoid the blank stare mothers from now on.

I heard her lemon drizzle was dry anyway

That did make me laugh catgirl.

Earlier, mine resemble penises.. I know. The shame.

Sell them to hen parties coraltoes

If I had all day at home, all day, every day, I would make my own booze.

Just sayin'.

Stripey I'm in a real pickle for Friday. My DD is off school for half term and I'm really struggling to get anyone to look after her and I can't get time off work as I have a project due. Any chance I could drop her round?

Lemon drizzle is going to become one of those MN phrases.

I was thinking of the Jay Belsky stuff - he used to be the director of the Institute for the Study of Children, Families and Social Issues at Birkbeck College, London University - and of the Steve Biddulph stuff - but it is years since I read it... and he might just have been quoting secondary sources... oh, and the early results from the big Penelope Leach longitudinal study with the different control groups...

But lets not go there - I really don't know the research in sufficient detail to have a big row about it... and if you're happy with nurseries for your children, who am I am to dissuade you?

To be honest, I thought it was a pretty done deal - but maybe the debate has moved on - it must be at least 5 years since I engaged with. I think my origianl opinion was more based on walking around the local nurseries - they just felt too institutional for me to consider leaving my child there. I also think there is a common sense argument - do I want to leave the most precious person in my life in a small room everyday for the best part of half a decade, through the most formative period of her life, when her brain is growing faster than it ever will, and she is developing faster than at any other point - and leave her with some unknown person, who may change frequently - who is probably earning the minimum wage and can barely speak or write English, and is also busy looking after 2 other babies anwyay? I thought about that, and decided not to use a nursery.

But your babies, your choice.

So sorry to hear about your lousy ex Cali - that does sound really crap. I think most women do want to work p/t Hopefully things will get easier financially in future.

And imagine having time to read a (grown up) book. Fancy. It's not possible to earn money and read a book of course. Bad for your literacy.

Cali Thanks Earlier...! Sometimes I think some people like the OP just have no idea how hard it is for single mums with no support - but I guess they think they just made better life choices in the man they had their DC with...we thought our choices were Ok or we wouldn't have had DC...then life throws you a curveball

Gosh NO - I don't think that at all - you just go unlucky that's all

I like a bit of lemon drizzle, and eclairs,

Stripey - you really don't get it do you?

Where on earth do you live that the local nurseries are like that?

I'd spend less time baking and more time on RightMove if I were you.

I hear that eclairs are hard

This thread is like a game of mumsnet bingo.