to think that the further you are from the world of work, the crazier being a working mum sounds?

[StripeyBear]

I did it for 3 years - motherhood and a (part-time, but) demanding job... when you were always running from pillar to post, and buying take-away pizza, and feeling guilty because your child was crying when you left, and always being tired and hassled and answering your blackberry on your days "off" and being f**ked off because your job wasn't half as interesting as the work you used to get when you were childless and in the office full-time-plus....

Almost 2 years of being a SAHM later, my working-mother-friends come round for coffee on their day off and moan about all of the above.. It sounds familiar, but now even their moaning exhausts me. I'm more in a swapping recipes for lemon-drizzle-cake and making my own pizza dough sort of head space. These days I just potter around - my whole life has slowed down.....

Don't get me wrong - I realise I'm fortunate that we can manage without the wage (and not everyone can), but I find I am barely worse off (once the childcare is taken into account, and it is so much easier to spend money wisely, now that I don't have to buy crappy pizza because I am too exhausted to cook or book my holiday at the last minute because I wasn't organised earlier). And life feels so much better now that I'm not always exhausted... and I actually have time to do interesting stuff like read (grown-up) books... and there is no stress around childcare and the like....

So when my friends come round and moan about their blackberries ringing and being side-lined for promotions and feeling stressed about organising a child's birthday party when they have no time to really do it and so on.... instead of feeling oodles of sympathy... all I can think is... WHY? WHY? Why are you doing it then?

AIBU? I sort of suspect I might be

I agree. The male career model is not great when babies/small children are involved. I only know one family where both do this. They're both commuting and out from 7.30 to 6.30 and baby is with a childminder. They're not happy with the situation and I'm not surprised.

rain I am happy with my life, and our family's work/life balance, without being happy about the wider situation. But then we have what could be described as the sort of childcare/work utopia you are describing (we both work PT, in careers we enjoy and at a level appropriate to our experience, DS, almost 2, is with one of us 3 weekdays and in a small parent-run cooperative nursery the other 2 days. )

If additional paternity leave was paid at the enhanced rates maternity pay is, in most organisations/companies, we would definitely be utilising it.

and to be honest, the 'male career model' is not great when they're older either. I've got a teenager and I'd sure as hell not be happy to have her to her own devices for 50 hours a week.

Hannah i was hoping you were going to answer catgirls question. Dh and I both work full time. We don't need the dual income. So who are you quietly judging then? Me or dh?

My DD is a teenager and she is in college longer than I'm at work.

Hannah, as someone else said on a feminism thread, you seem to be confusing feminism with capitalism. Things are shit not because uppity women want the same shit as men but because we have all been landed up to our necks in the hideous consequences of greed, materialism and ever rising house prices.

I would love to have a sweet little part time job knitting cupcakes or whatever but for now I have to go where the money is. And that is true for all of us no matter our genitalia.

perhaps your teenager could get a job. I was 12 when I got my first job.

Novice, I wouldn't judge you out loud. But privately I'd wonder why either one of you wouldn't want to reduce your hours a bit to maybe spend more time with the kids. They grow up way too fast and I want to hang out with them, call me weird.

"LineRunnerSat 09-Feb-13 18:37:24

I think there are actually posters on MN who would respond, when asked what I was actually supposed to do when ExH buggered off without warning, 'Give the children away to a nicer mummy with a proper life.'"
Oh you are being silly. All we'd need you to do would be invent a way of turning back time and then going back to make different choices. Obviously you'd have to do your inventing in the children's nap times.

well to be fair it's easier to knit when you haven't got a penis getting all caught up in your yarn.

I was a SAHM for 7 years. By the end of that I was crawling the walls with boredom and frustration. Went back to work FT, then unexpectedly got pg with DC3. Had him, then went back FT when he was 6mo, so I can see it from both sides I suppose.

I loved being at home, for the first couple of years, but after that felt so bored and unfulfilled.

It depends on the individual, I have some friends who have never worked after having DC's they are happy with that.

I have others who couldn't wait to get back to work. They are happy with that.

All my DC's are sucessful, happy, balanced individuals. I think that this is because I was a happy individual, whether I was a SAHM or a WOHM.

As long as the choices you make are right for you and your family, do what you want as far as I'm concerned. It's none of my business.

Well precisely. This is way it's so unnatural all these pesky women going out to work with their neat retractable genitalia. Men in the home environment will be continually tripping over their willies or getting them in unfortunate proximity to the lemon drizzle mix.

rofl. I guess that explains what DH has being doing at home all day.

I call myself a feminist panda.

I think all pandas are feminists. Look how grumpy they get about having sex and looking after baby pandas.

I shall now view all offers of home baked fancies with some suspicion.

I saw pandas at the zoo. They spend most of the year apart, only meeting for a quick shag. They also spend most of their lives asleep on a shelf

honestly this thread has been the most fun I've had on mumsnet in ages. like the old days I tell ya.

The parallels are uncanny.

Heh - well, I call myself a feminist quite wholeheartedly - but I am one of those feminists who think it (feminism) can survive as quite a broad church...

HannahsSister40 You are being a bit patronizing now..
Just because people work does not mean they do not "hang out" with their children. People do have holidays,some evenings,days off,weekends and so on.

Oh yes, she'd bloody love it if I worked full time! (advertising the empty house on Facebook and shit like that I expect)

Those teenage feminist pandas love FB.