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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that DH is off to NZ for his sisters wedding and I'm not.....

107 replies

skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 11:45

Up till yesterday his Mum and Dad were going, then we find out his selfish Mum decides not to go because she is afraid of being ill whilst there, so DH steps in and says he will go, at the moment his Dad will pay for his ticket only, or will try to change the name at the least. I'm upset on a couple of counts, his job and mine are at risk, so we haven't booked a family holiday for this year but I have saved a little, this will now be used as even if his ticket is paid for then there will of course be plenty of other things he has to pay for. I accept he has to go, why would he not it's too good an opportunity to not take up the holiday of a lifetime but as a family we're missing out on this event too so I find that sad, plus the fact any chance we had of a holiday is gone. I am annoyed at my MIL for she doesn't think of the knock on effect on everything and everyone least not his employers and the job situation.....

OP posts:
LadyMargolotta · 09/02/2013 11:47

Will he be putting his job at risk by taking this holiday?

MrsMushroom · 09/02/2013 11:49

If MIL is afraid she'll be ill, that's not selfish...I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose. Having said that, you will have to tell DH that he may need to live very frugally over there...ie not go out to eat etc. I think Yabu really.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 11:50

He spoke to his manager this morning she said she was 99% he could go but I don't know how this would effect/look later on when he has to apply for a job where there are 9 candidates and 4 jobs....who knows I'm just annoyed the MIL doesn't even think about these things.

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 11:51

Fact is she's not ill, she just thinks she might be...

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 11:51

And when he's over there I know he's not going to be frugal he be in holiday mode

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CharlieMumma · 09/02/2013 11:54

Why would him taking a bit of annual leave affect him getting a job? Don't get that sorry.

MrsMushroom · 09/02/2013 11:55

If MIL is afraid of being ill that's due to anxiety which she can't help either. Also dont see why annual leave would affect DHs future in his job.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 09/02/2013 11:55

I'm not sure why you are pissed off with your MIL tbh. Your DH is a grown up he doesn't have to go just because she isn't.

TidyDancer · 09/02/2013 11:56

It's still not unreasonable for her not to go. Do you really think she would choose to miss her DD's wedding out of choice? She is obviously very worried to pull out.

Your issue here is whether or not you as a family can afford for him to go. And if you can't, whether or not the ticket is covered is neither here nor there. As you point out, that is certainly not the only cost incurred on this kind of holiday.

And then there's the fact that you're jealous DH gets to go and you don't. Does he know how you feel about this?

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 11:57

I suppose I'm a tad upset because it means the rest of the family are missing out and any chance we had of a holiday has gone for the next year at least. That saddens me as it means a lot to me

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 11:58

He knows what I feel but I also think I would not be fair to make him feel bad as he really wants to go I can't stop him he makes his own decisions

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TidyDancer · 09/02/2013 11:59

If that's the main thing, I would personally feel that DH attending his sisters wedding was more important tbh. Others may feel differently on that, but you can have numerous family holidays in the future. DH's sister will presumably only have one wedding.

youmeatsix · 09/02/2013 12:00

she is missing her own daughters wedding, she wont be doing that lightly, you said "so DH steps in and says he will go" this is more about him wanting to go than your MIL, misdirected anger, it wont solve anything. This should affect his job if he takes leave owing. would you want to miss your sisters wedding? how would you feel if hubby said he didnt want you to go?

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:00

You could say that, we had never intended to go as we knew we couldn't even afford the flights, DD is almost grown up so not many chances of fam holiday now.

OP posts:
HorraceTheOtter · 09/02/2013 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:03

I don't have a sister, just a brother whom I'm a carer for so I'll never be in that fortunate position but if I were I would want him to go as I have said I do I'm just sad of the repercussions

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fluffyraggies · 09/02/2013 12:04

So there's a clash of opinions here.

You don't want him to go for reasons that ANU IMO.

He wants to go for reasons that ANU IMO.

It's an impasse.

Try to step back and take your MIL out of the equation. Her reasons for pulling out don't matter.

It's the fact that he knows how you feel but is going anyway that would get to me. It is going to cost allot. Plus there will be no family holiday. But it's his sister's wedding.

Hmmmmm. On the fence here.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:06

fluffy, you hit the nail on the head, exactly!
BTW what's ANU mean?!

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fluffyraggies · 09/02/2013 12:06

Sorry, Are Not Unreasonable :)

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:07

How much do y'all think he'll need say if he stayed at his sisters and just needed to contribute to food etc, then he'll need to buy a dinner jacket as apparently that's what they are all wearing..

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HollyBerryBush · 09/02/2013 12:08

Well, it's a paid for once in a lifetime holiday to see your sister get married. YABU really.

But I can see why you are jealous. But you are still BU.

fluffyraggies · 09/02/2013 12:09

How long will he be there?

(sorry if i've missed that)

Ashoething · 09/02/2013 12:10

I would just tell my dh sorry but no you are not going. Wife trumps sister in my book.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:10

Well I have faced the fact he is going, it's a no brainer after all, ticket paid for to experience a holiday of a lifetime, it's just the add ons and the fact we'll be missing out as I too would love to be there but obviously can't and the he'd fact we can't have a holiday. We just now have to get more money together in a very short space of time as it's at Easter which gives us 2 paydays...

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AThingInYourLife · 09/02/2013 12:10

There is no reason for him to be spending all the money you've put by in himself.

If he can't go and live within a budget that leaves holiday money for the family, then he can't afford to go.

There's no "making his own decisions" when he's spending your money.