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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that DH is off to NZ for his sisters wedding and I'm not.....

107 replies

skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 11:45

Up till yesterday his Mum and Dad were going, then we find out his selfish Mum decides not to go because she is afraid of being ill whilst there, so DH steps in and says he will go, at the moment his Dad will pay for his ticket only, or will try to change the name at the least. I'm upset on a couple of counts, his job and mine are at risk, so we haven't booked a family holiday for this year but I have saved a little, this will now be used as even if his ticket is paid for then there will of course be plenty of other things he has to pay for. I accept he has to go, why would he not it's too good an opportunity to not take up the holiday of a lifetime but as a family we're missing out on this event too so I find that sad, plus the fact any chance we had of a holiday is gone. I am annoyed at my MIL for she doesn't think of the knock on effect on everything and everyone least not his employers and the job situation.....

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:11

fluffy it's for 2 and a half maybe 3 weeks...

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:13

We almost had a row this morning when I mentioned money and he said that's all it's ever about with you money..... which I was mad about as I reckon it will cost us a lot as I have just thought they'll be insurance to pay for too. I am still smarting at the fact he'll use what we had in savings as a family but there's no other way round it I suppose

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fluffyraggies · 09/02/2013 12:14

Is there anyway you could squeeze together the money for a ticket for you? If your DD is almost grown up she could maybe stay behind with a relative?

I know some people wouldn't dream of holidaying without their kids. Maybe you could shorten the trip a little? To lower the total cost and therefore help pay for you to go too. If you are out there with him you can keep the budget low, but enjoy the holiday.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:15

This is by the by but.....I get really down if I don't have a something to look forward to, last September I asked if we could book something well in advance I could look forward to, some sunshine so I started saving and he flatly said no, now however it's a good job I put a bit by just in case his job turned out ok

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:17

fluffy, there really isn't the tickets are 1K each and we would be spending on top, plus I couldn't leave DD behind we only have a few hundred saved in holiday fund anyhow.

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fluffyraggies · 09/02/2013 12:17

I'm the same with looking forward to things.

DH and i have 2 nights in Wales soon and i'm ridiculously excited about it Blush (We're in the midlands)

We've done big foreign holidays before, cant afford it now, but i'm just as happy looking forward to something small :)

thezebrawearspurple · 09/02/2013 12:18

There's no reason for him to take your savings with him. Let him scrape what he can for himself and use your own money to take yourself and your dd for a special treat. If he wants to go it should be at his own expense, not yours.

AThingInYourLife · 09/02/2013 12:19

Don't let the selfish fucker take all the money you put to spend on himself.

There is a way around it - "no, you can't have it all."

And FFS if you guys have to spend the next two months scrimping to pay for this this, then you can't afford it.

It's very easy to be chilled out about money when you are the one spending way more than your fair share.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:21

Yes I know what you mean, I have this dream of going to New York, I always said on my 50th I'd go to Times Square as my birthday is New Years Day, I didn't make it and I was gutted but we went to York for a night instead, I'd like to say it was as good as but in my heart it wasn't. I think he owes me NY one day now after this!

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Maryz · 09/02/2013 12:21

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Maryz · 09/02/2013 12:22

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MrsMushroom · 09/02/2013 12:23

If my DH complained because I had been offered a free ticket to NZ for my sisters wedding, I would be very, very sad. A partner should be happy for their partner to have a chance like this.

Viviennemary · 09/02/2013 12:23

YANBU to feel a bit put out by this whole thing. But it was good of your DH to step in so his father doesn't have to make the long journey by himself. So it's just one of those times you have to say well that's all a bit unfair but I'll have to accept it. And it is annoying that you have saved money which will now be used on his trip. You would be very unreasonable if your said your DH couldn't go. Why not plan a short break somewhere if you can afford that.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:25

He knows how I feel and he just turns it around by saying 'well I'll not go then if that's how you feel' and I want him to go I really do I just want him to understand or maybe appreciate me saving the money for him to blow it away and the rest of the family are missing out. My IL's are actually loaded they did go to NZ every year up to now, I think they should pay his expenses but that won't happen.

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:28

Mrs Mushroom I am not complaining! I am happy for this opportunity for him, just sad that everyone else is missing out.

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:29

Also feel a bit out out as DH went to Olympics last year and we didn't, we couldn't afford for us all to go and he really wanted to, I was ok with it and I suppose I'll have to be Ok about this too.

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fluffyraggies · 09/02/2013 12:32

If they're that loaded would they go for a interest free loan to let you go too?

In a small way it is because of them that this conflict is now going on between you and your DH.

I don't think my mum would feel good about taking me away to NZ for 3 weeks and leaving my DH behind :(

Maybe you don't want to be 'in debt' to family though. I'm just grasping at straws for you OP.

Maryz · 09/02/2013 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollyBerryBush · 09/02/2013 12:32

MrsMushroom I agree with you - I just read portions of this out to DH who said along the lines of .... selfishness and give and take within a relationship and being pleased for the other person that something nice has happened to them rather than dwelling in what they havent got.

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:35

Thanks fluffy, but I know DH would never ask them for anything, there was a time when I thought they would treat us all to a family occasion even if just the flights as they have such disposable income, I am just aware that as usual we are far from their thoughts as a family and how we feel about it, they are unfortunately quite selfish.

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fluffyraggies · 09/02/2013 12:37

Just read you post about the Olympics as well!

I don't think i can be allot of help to you OP, 'cos i'd be just as pissed off as you in this situation actually.

:(

Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:37

HollyBerryBush why are you making me out to be selfish here? I am wanting him to go he could not miss this opportunity. I'm the one giving up our savings so he can go why does that make me bad?

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Original poster
skyblue11 · 09/02/2013 12:41

Maryz I know they would not do this for us, hell we get £25 for Chritsmas so doubt we'd ever pay them back at that rate! Nice thought though!

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brummiegirl1 · 09/02/2013 12:44

Is it because you see it that your inlaws are cutting you and your daughter out rather than seeing you as a family unit and including you all?By that i mean treating your DH to ticket but you either have to miss out or spend money you can't afford.

It's awkward as it's his sister's wedding so once in a lifetime too but i can see why you are fed up with it, i would be too and i don't think it is about you trying to stop him going.

brummiegirl1 · 09/02/2013 12:45

Also to add i'm not saying just because you are married you have to do everything together but you don't seem to have been considered from your inlaws point of view.