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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting to be invited to a lunch if there is someone I don't talk to?

339 replies

Neverland2013 · 08/02/2013 22:46

I will try to keep it short. I had a big fall out with one of the mums from our 'mumsgroup' over a year ago. In the past, during a B'day party, I managed to be civil to this person but I am rather annoyed that one of my friends invited me as well as the other person to a Saturday lunch although she knows how I feel.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 22:05

You're looking at it as a financial transaction between strangers, Earlier, but what happened was more than that.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 22:06

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earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:07

Then it all comes down to a subjective how good friends are you. And there's two sides to that story - the OP and the friend. The friend may not think they're such good friends as the OP does.

In which case she may feel, legitimately, that she's done nothing wrong.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:08

Hully you are absolutely wrong on that and that comment is insulting.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 22:13

why is it insulting? its only how I see it, you dont have to agree

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:15

You said I have low requirements of friendship which would make my life emptier.

How is that not insulting?

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 22:17

that is the conclusion I draw from your posts

its only insulting if you choose it to be

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 22:18

you misunderstood my bully remark earlier, I think we may speak different languages

pictish · 09/02/2013 22:18

I think it's insulting too.

You guys don't agree on this, but that was a bit low. Eeek!

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:19

Whatever Hully.

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 22:21

What it comes down to, Earlier, is that the OP's taken the decision not to have any contact with this person because she felt what she did meant so much to her that she didn't want to be around someone so casual about what happened.

Whether she was/is right to be pissed off at the woman for so long doesn't matter, the fact is, she feels like that.

From what she's written, it doesn't sound to me like she's putting it on to be a drama queen and have people flocking round her asking if she's alright, she was genuinely hurt by the woman.

And that's why it's not possible to say she's just being childish or shouldn't get upset about what happened, because she is.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 22:22

ok I'm off, but it's not meant to be insulting, just that if you think it's ok for acfriemd to behave like that, them you dont expect much from them, which makes life e adder, nitmeans a lack of the depth that trust and honesty can bring

seems logical toe

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:23

Absolutely Agent. I said that. What is unreasonable is to expect other people to remember and not invite her.

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 22:23

It was a bit like saying 'no wonder nobody wants to be friends with you', Hully.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 22:25

really? not logical?

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:25

Hully you've done it again.

I have friends in real life. I trust them. I expect support and friendship from them.

But honest to god I would not act the way the OP has over someone who is a mum friend from a mum group over a house she didn't even get gazumped on. And I wouldn't have spilled my guts the way she did. I just wouldn't.

And to say I have no friends and am basically a horrible person because I see it differently to you is just unfair.

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 22:26

Sorry Earlier, I only skim read most of the posts must have missed that bit.

I agree it could have nothing to do with the wider group, but, and this can be an awful bit, just by knowing what was going on, they were involved.

Like knowing someones cheating on someone else, it's not a situation of your making, but you have to make a choice, and not saying something is making a choice.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 22:27

I'll go then

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:28

My very first post on the thread

earlierintheweek Sat 09-Feb-13 11:32:01
I can get that you're upset and because you are, you shouldn't go. Decline the invitation, but what you can't do is expect other people to remember who fell out with whom a year ago. Other people have lives and you and your house purchases aren't relevant to them. I doubt the invitation has been given maliciously.

cumfy · 09/02/2013 22:45

Some people do prefer being stabbed in the back to being stabbed in the front don't they.Grin

earlier do you recognise the logical contradiction in your position ?

It's OK for a "genuine" friend to side with someone who went behind your back in a property deal.
But heaven forfend any random poster on MN who makes an honest and logical comment about another post.

I think it's all to do with values.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:49

I don't see any contradiction. I don't. The "friend" may just see the OP as a mumgroup friend.

It's a house the OP went to look at. Nothing more. She didn't get it. I personally would have shrugged my shoulders and not taken it personally. I just wouldn't.

And I find being told that because I feel like that I have very low requirements of friendship which makes my life empty utterly uncalled for and insulting.

cumfy · 09/02/2013 22:53

Not just shrugging then earlier ?

Fine.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:54

Look. I disagree with you. I just do. Why are you needling me and trying to make me feel bad about myself?

cumfy · 09/02/2013 22:57

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HildaOgden · 09/02/2013 22:59

Your description of your experience of friendships actually said more about you than you probably realise earlier.You described yourself as 'weird' because you could not understand how friends would actually discuss buying houses amongst each other....even though most of us would find that the most natural thing in the world to do.

I'm guessing that if you find that too invasive (or whatever) then it actually would make one wonder how close your own friendships are.