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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not wanting to be invited to a lunch if there is someone I don't talk to?

339 replies

Neverland2013 · 08/02/2013 22:46

I will try to keep it short. I had a big fall out with one of the mums from our 'mumsgroup' over a year ago. In the past, during a B'day party, I managed to be civil to this person but I am rather annoyed that one of my friends invited me as well as the other person to a Saturday lunch although she knows how I feel.

OP posts:
earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 21:43

But she is making her friends choose by saying she won't go where the other person is.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:43

yy Claude

is happening to me right now Sad

claudedebussy · 09/02/2013 21:44

this friend pumped her for info on house, offer price, how high they could go and forgot to mention that she was even looking for a house. then gazumped her at last minute and didn't tell her. but 'oh, could you pick up my kid from school?'

do people really think this is acceptable behaviour?

it's DISGUSTING.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:44

life is full of choices earlier

claudedebussy · 09/02/2013 21:45

oh hully i'm so so sorry. it's gut wrenching it really is.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 21:45

The friend didn't pump her. She spilled the info in her excitement.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:46

I'm supposed to be out right now and am at home for similar reasons. it really sucks ( cries a bit)

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:47

she shouldnt have needed to worry aboit it with a friend, earlier

the word friend is the clue

mynewpassion · 09/02/2013 21:48

I am sorry but buying a house isn't like asking your friend if you could date an ex. No one owns a house that is for sale. It's open season.

While I understand the op is hurt by the whole thing, it doesn't negate that the inviter does not need to police two adult women. They have choices. The op has a choice to go to the lunch or not. The op can choose to not socialize with this friend or the woman who "stole" her house. She can't control other people's actions, only hers.

claudedebussy · 09/02/2013 21:49

well, it's not something i would do.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 09/02/2013 21:50

I'm supposed to be out right now and am at home for similar reasons. it really sucks ( cries a bit)

I'm sorry Hully. Its shite when that happens.

pictish · 09/02/2013 21:51

it does seem like the others just want a quiet life. i've seen this so many times: group of friends, one treats someone like shit, the other friends shrug their shoulders, 'not our business blah blah', shat on friend gets sidelined. shit friend continues to be included in group of spineless shitty friends.

This I agree with. That IS what bloody happens.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 21:51

It's a house for sale. Wouldn't it be advertised?

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 21:54

earlier you're determined to make it ok for people to treat each other like that

there's no point in arguing further with you

AgentZigzag · 09/02/2013 21:54

It's only every man for themselves with property if we've gone back to the bad old days of thatchers Britain.

It's not just about something the OP was thinking about buying, it was a place she could imagine would be her home, if I was being dramatic I'd say before her friend cruelly snatched her dreams out from under her Grin

You said 'the friend might not have realised that she was serious about buying it' early Maryz, but that's the point the OP's trying to make, that if she didn't know how she (the OP) felt about the house then she should have asked.

Why didn't she ask?

Either she didn't give a monkeys whether it meant anything to the OP, or she deliberately didn't because she wanted the sale whatever it meant.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 21:57

Hully I'm really not, honestly, but I just don't understand being so emotionally invested in that situation. I personally wouldn't discuss information like the OP did, I wouldn't be in that mindset and I don't understand it.

Which isn't the same as saying it's ok to treat people like shit. Because I don't think the friend did. Unless you believe that the OP had first dibs on every house that came up for sale in the area?

And I do think expecting friends to pick and exclude ... it's likely it might backfire.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 09/02/2013 21:58

It's a house for sale. Wouldn't it be advertised?

you seem to be deliberately missing the point. Do you really not get it? Not even a tiny bit?

HildaOgden · 09/02/2013 22:00

earlier,the friend then said 'oh dh put an offer on,without me even knowing!!'

Bullshit of the highest order,friend knew it was underhand,plain and simple,and still did it.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:00

No I really don't get it. And I'm not deliberately missing the point in some sort of passive aggressive way. I really genuinely don't get what the friend was supposed to do.

House for sale Advertised. Mrs x at toddler group mentions it. Mrs Y says nothing because she has already booked to see it. Mrs Y then buys house.

End of. No drama. And to expect another friend a year later to remember and not invite someone because of it is rather odd imho.

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:01

Or friend thought "Ops going to kick off about this I'll fib to avoid a scene"

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 22:02

mrs y saying nothing is wrong

friends in the true sense and point of the word, dont do that

HildaOgden · 09/02/2013 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Hullygully · 09/02/2013 22:03

otherwise they aren't friends, they are competitors

friends= trust

earlierintheweek · 09/02/2013 22:04

It all depends how close a friend the friend is then doesn't it really?

And as I have said earlier in the thread, the Op is quite right not to go if she feels upset or doesn't want to for whatever reason she likes, but to expect someone else to remember the whys and wherefors of a falling out that she had with someone and invite/not invite based on that is being unreasonable.

LittleChimneyDroppings · 09/02/2013 22:04

But Mrs Y isnt just a person at toddler group. She was supposed to be a good friend. It isn't that simplistic.

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