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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hide a little warning note to MIL when she comes to babysit tomorrow?

945 replies

Wheresmygalaxy · 08/02/2013 21:49

Tomorrow will be the 3rd time MIL has come to babysit for us since our son was born, hes 7 months.

The 1st time dp and I went to ikea and when we returned she was prattling on and on about applying for child tax credits, all about how wonderful sil is eligible for them but doesnt claim - good for her, thought it was an odd topic but she is odd Smile

so the next time she babysit upon our return she was now gabbering on about which local hospital is the best to go to, she didnt like the one i gave birth in and made it well known that it wasnt as good as the 1 her friends daughter went to, so again im thinking what on earth is she on about. Then after she had gone i opened a drawer in my bedside table only to find my next hospital appt check up letter was in there and it was clearly obvious that she had gone through it while i was out. I find this just really odd i know shes really nosey but to go through of all the things in the house my bedside drawer i just found weird. She has mentioned other things that have made me think how does she even know that but having put 2 and 2 together its clear shes snooping around while were out. I love her for coming to babysit, shes giving up her time but that doesnt mean come in and go through my things does it!

I mentioned it to DP nad he said yep she always used to do it to him and his sister growing up and in fact continued to clean their rooms up until the ages of 21 and 24 when they finally left home (believe me ive shared my views on that alone since i found out Hmm ).

so aibu to write a note something along the lines of "get out you nosey old cow" on a piece of paper. or something a bit more dramatic like some retirement home brochures with her name at the top Grin

OP posts:
carabos · 10/02/2013 11:25

As others have said, the OP doesn't need a cover story such as the forms being for a friend. She isn't the one who needs to explain herself. Deflect all questions about the forms and repeat "why was she going through my drawers?" ad infinitum until somebody gets the message.

Tabbykat · 10/02/2013 11:31

Hope she is thoroughly ashamed of herself - going through your drawers is just not on!

Katz · 10/02/2013 11:32

agree that the OP doesn't need to explain the forms, she may just be a huge fan of wanted down under and was thinking going on the show might be a laugh and a free holiday.

waltermittymissus · 10/02/2013 11:33

Come on OP! don't back down!!

Theicingontop · 10/02/2013 11:34

This happened to me when I was living at home, my SIL and mother went through my whole room, 'tidying up' for me. Livid was not the word. SIL had the good grace to apologise. They'd tried very hard to cover their tracks too, but I knew.

Don't back down. She's in the wrong here, not you!

OrangeLily · 10/02/2013 11:42

OP you are a legend and she is a loon. Your underwear drawer?!?! My DM is coming round later and it always stressed me that she chooses to use our ensuite instead of the the other bathrooms let alone rifling in my underwear drawer!

MurderOfGoths · 10/02/2013 11:47

"The image of a blue glittery mil greeting us at the door will torture me until i do it! "

Please please please please take photos!

newbiefrugalgal · 10/02/2013 11:52

Wish we had a webcam for uncles visit :()

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 10/02/2013 11:53

OK, in short as im in a rush now, uncle claims mil "heard" from a friend that we had been thinking of moving away, and was very upset that we hadnt told her let alone talked it over with her. He wouldnt be pressed on how she had heard this though.

Dp is now fuming as its obvious she went through our things, he has put 2 and 2 together on his own and realised the only way she would have thought we were moving is to have seen the estate agents things in his drawer.... i havent even mentioned the australia forms yet. Were off to see her in a bit, hes also fuming that yet again his uncle has been brought into things when she was here last night why couldnt she say have said anything to our faces.

I am ready with my 1 line of "how could you go through my things?" over and over again. I may be evil but i dont feel 1 ounce of sympathy for her right now, she brought this on herself!

OP posts:
CSIJanner · 10/02/2013 11:55

Shamelessly marking spot to find out about the uncle's "chat" later... Grin

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 10/02/2013 11:55

I'm glad your dp is seeing it in the right way, i did think it could have majorly backfired.

GlaikitFizzog · 10/02/2013 11:56

Oh she is a right one! Heard from a friend?!? Pants on fire Mil?

CSIJanner · 10/02/2013 11:56

Oooooh - too late! But am avidly waiting to hear what she has to say for herself...

LilQueenie · 10/02/2013 11:56

Woo Hoo. feeling so happy for you right now with regards to your DH's reaction. Again thanks for keeping us updated. Good luck with the visit.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 10/02/2013 11:58

Well done OP, though now might be the time to tell DP what you did so that you can present a united front, and not let MIL wriggle out of it.

Uppermid · 10/02/2013 11:59

But you know that she can't have heard from a friend cos it ain't true, you haven't told anyone cos there's nothing to tell. The only way she knows is cos she was snooping. Give her enough rope to hang herself.

And don't let her babysit again, cos you know she won't stop, she'll just be more sneaky about it

DontmindifIdo · 10/02/2013 12:00

oooh good - go with moral outrage - can you get some tears too?

Goldmandra · 10/02/2013 12:03

Do you think she'll admit to having looked in your drawer as well? She's going to have to if she wants to bring up Australia.

You could just show him the other paperwork and ask if he thinks she's looked at it. You don't need to justify to her why it was there. It is your private space and you can plan trips to the moon in private if you want without explaining it to her.

Keep focussing on 'but why would you look in my private drawer?'

You can also ask whether, if she'd found sex toys in there, she'd have been telling the rest of her family about those too.

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo · 10/02/2013 12:03

Wow, she really is a piece of work. Demand to know who has been spreading gossip and lies about you, watch her try to wriggle out of that one.

limitedperiodonly · 10/02/2013 12:03

You aren't evil. Neither is she. I think she has a compulsion that's got worse because it's been indulged.

You won't cure her and there'll probably be an almighty family row if you confront her because everyone is colluding with her. But I wouldn't blame you at all.

Thanks for updating.

ivykaty44 · 10/02/2013 12:03

so it will be that MIL has put 2 and 2 together and come up with 385 and then rang uncle to let him know about her conclusions from snooping.

I would casually say of course if you snoop as a way of communication then you will get yourself in a state - best to have a conversation unless you have been trained by the MOD

Helpyourself · 10/02/2013 12:06

Tred very carefully.
You could well end up completely estranged from them- I don't think she's going to react well to this.

delilahlilah · 10/02/2013 12:07

Heard from a friend... an admission of guilt in itself. She knows what she does is wrong, and still does it Angry

SoggySummer · 10/02/2013 12:08

So let me get this straight - your DH does not yet know about the Australia stuff? and Uncle has only mentioned moving away not Australia????

So when you get to MILs - no one mention Australia/emigrating and see if she does. She could yet dig herself a bigger hole.

Just out of interest where were the property details for in comparison to where you live now?? I also guess that she cannot possibly have heard you were oving away as its not a conversation you have had with anyone????

I would carry on being shocked and horrified that someone would "invade my privacy and go through my most personal belongings". If you can turn in some tears - just sit in shock and repeat and repeat your dismay and upset.

Good luck OP. MIL is getting her just desserts.

MurderOfGoths · 10/02/2013 12:09

Fantastic, glad your DP is finally agreeing with you