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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hide a little warning note to MIL when she comes to babysit tomorrow?

945 replies

Wheresmygalaxy · 08/02/2013 21:49

Tomorrow will be the 3rd time MIL has come to babysit for us since our son was born, hes 7 months.

The 1st time dp and I went to ikea and when we returned she was prattling on and on about applying for child tax credits, all about how wonderful sil is eligible for them but doesnt claim - good for her, thought it was an odd topic but she is odd Smile

so the next time she babysit upon our return she was now gabbering on about which local hospital is the best to go to, she didnt like the one i gave birth in and made it well known that it wasnt as good as the 1 her friends daughter went to, so again im thinking what on earth is she on about. Then after she had gone i opened a drawer in my bedside table only to find my next hospital appt check up letter was in there and it was clearly obvious that she had gone through it while i was out. I find this just really odd i know shes really nosey but to go through of all the things in the house my bedside drawer i just found weird. She has mentioned other things that have made me think how does she even know that but having put 2 and 2 together its clear shes snooping around while were out. I love her for coming to babysit, shes giving up her time but that doesnt mean come in and go through my things does it!

I mentioned it to DP nad he said yep she always used to do it to him and his sister growing up and in fact continued to clean their rooms up until the ages of 21 and 24 when they finally left home (believe me ive shared my views on that alone since i found out Hmm ).

so aibu to write a note something along the lines of "get out you nosey old cow" on a piece of paper. or something a bit more dramatic like some retirement home brochures with her name at the top Grin

OP posts:
aderynlas · 10/02/2013 10:46

This thread has made me laugh so much. I am marking my place now, can anyone tell me what marking my space means Blush

LemonBreeland · 10/02/2013 10:47

I hope when it all kicks off you act absolutely horrified that your mil was going through your things. She would never babysit for me again.

limitedperiodonly · 10/02/2013 10:48

Great idea. I completely understand what you mean about her insisting she's doing no harm if you confront her, though.

On holiday once I caught my ex friend going through my suitcase when I popped back to the apartment to use the loo.

There was some headlouse lotion in there. I'd caught lice from my nephew a few days before I'd gone and I was paranoid I hadn't killed them all so took the lotion with me in case some more hatched out.

I asked her wtf she was doing and she waved it at me shrieking: 'When were you going to tell me about this, eh?'

I'm sure it reinforced her view that she was justified in snooping. She was well-known for doing it and was rarely ashamed when caught. Fucking deranged.

ps I've heard that filling a bathroom cabinet with marbles is good for catching snoopers Grin

zzzzz · 10/02/2013 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 10/02/2013 10:49

Awwww - that's really sad. That the whole family walks on eggshells due to her drinking.

Once it's all out in the open I think you and your husband need to talk about your boundaries for her being so involved. Plenty of grandparents have only 'supervised' time with GC. He might have spent his whole life accepting this but you haven't and he can't expect you to just step into their family's way of doing things. You both are entitled to re-set the boundaries.

Good luck with DH and uncle.

HellesBelles396 · 10/02/2013 10:50

repeat ad nauseum:

"but why would she be going through my drawers? who does that?"

"i don't know if I can have her back in my home when she's broken our trust like this"

Newyearoldmum · 10/02/2013 10:53

I would be absolutely livid with my mil if I thought she'd done anything like this. Same if she was my mother. Sounds like her family are used to "keeping the peace" has she ever blamed others for her drinking? You know "it's YOUR fault I drink YOU upset me!" Maybe she pulled this when your dh was a child. Maybe it's time to put an end to such pandering and enabling behaviour.

QuickLookBusy · 10/02/2013 10:53

Am glad you're going to tell DH. I agree with Hecate that he may think you're planning on leaving and when your Uncle presented him with the facts, he would think the "for a friend" story was a cover up.

I do understand the walking on eggshells around your MIL. My own mother was a drinker and we did this for years. It's a horrible situation to be in.

hermioneweasley · 10/02/2013 10:54

I can't get over her going through your things and your underwear drawer. SHe wouldn't be allowed back n my house now that there's proof of that. I can't see how your DH could even try to defend that.

Also, you didn't "set her up" - if she hadn't been snooping she woukdn't have seen anything to upset her.

DontmindifIdo · 10/02/2013 10:56

I think you need to go with them all being for a friend (other than the estate agent stuff) and completely losing it in front of the Uncle about her snooping, that it's the last straw, you can't trust her.

Don't worry about causing a rift, she's caused it by snooping, if she's not used to being called on her bad behaviour, it might come as a shock when you do it, even more so if the rest of the family agree you are in the right...

zzzzz · 10/02/2013 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 10/02/2013 10:57

Thing is, OP, your dh doesnt think that her snooping is that wrong. I disagree but thats the way he and his famy is, and he could see this as an attack on things he values. I dont think he'll be very amused by you upsetting his mum. I think you've made a bit of a mess tbh, with this practical joke.

TidyDancer · 10/02/2013 10:58

Ooh this has got even better!

Marking place for uncle's visit!

manicbmc · 10/02/2013 10:58

Eavesdroppers rarely hear any good of themselves, springs to mind here.

You must get your dh onside if he is prone to pandering to this vile woman.

juneybean · 10/02/2013 11:00

Isn't it illegal to open someone else's post?

ChocolatesSnowAngel · 10/02/2013 11:02

I don't think she's made a mess Mary, I think she's made a point.

A point that was more than needed imo

limitedperiodonly · 10/02/2013 11:03

Just read your post a couple of pages back where you said everyone panders to her.

Yes, just like the girl I knew. No one was safe - family, friends, work. She used to joke about how if we had any secrets she'd be sure to find them out. No wonder love, you're going through everyone's things and no one says anything any more because it has no effect.

It's years later and it's actually making me angry thinking about her again.

shrinkingnora · 10/02/2013 11:04

You do realise that while I am visiting my lovely MIL later I will have to ask to use her laptop in order to check up on this? It is a perfect set up - have you considered writing crime novels? Grin

FruOla · 10/02/2013 11:05

DontmindifIdo, the estate agent's stuff is above board and the OP's DH knows about that. She said that they've been thinking of having the house re-valued since they've finished renovating it - he knew that was in his bedside drawer.

LilQueenie · 10/02/2013 11:09

OP has disappeared I think the uncle may be there now. OP Im rooting for ya.

MortifiedAdams · 10/02/2013 11:11

Goodness! Just caught up. So disappointing that she sooped. Even sadder that your DH would side with her over you.

Id not leave her alone in my house again.

balancingfigure · 10/02/2013 11:12

I hope this all works out OK. Some great ideas I will keep in mind.

giraffesCantEatNHSPotatoes · 10/02/2013 11:14

Luckily for me am going to nettosuperstars house later so can check updates from there!

claudedebussy · 10/02/2013 11:16

so horrible to have your draws gone through. my sister used to do it to me. such an invasion.

QueenStromba · 10/02/2013 11:23

Juneybean, you're thinking of the States - it's only illegal to open someone's post here if you have malicious intent. So in this case the MIL could claim that she's being helpful because he'll find out more quickly if something is urgent. I'm not sure where she'd stand given that she has been asked not to do it though.