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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hide a little warning note to MIL when she comes to babysit tomorrow?

945 replies

Wheresmygalaxy · 08/02/2013 21:49

Tomorrow will be the 3rd time MIL has come to babysit for us since our son was born, hes 7 months.

The 1st time dp and I went to ikea and when we returned she was prattling on and on about applying for child tax credits, all about how wonderful sil is eligible for them but doesnt claim - good for her, thought it was an odd topic but she is odd Smile

so the next time she babysit upon our return she was now gabbering on about which local hospital is the best to go to, she didnt like the one i gave birth in and made it well known that it wasnt as good as the 1 her friends daughter went to, so again im thinking what on earth is she on about. Then after she had gone i opened a drawer in my bedside table only to find my next hospital appt check up letter was in there and it was clearly obvious that she had gone through it while i was out. I find this just really odd i know shes really nosey but to go through of all the things in the house my bedside drawer i just found weird. She has mentioned other things that have made me think how does she even know that but having put 2 and 2 together its clear shes snooping around while were out. I love her for coming to babysit, shes giving up her time but that doesnt mean come in and go through my things does it!

I mentioned it to DP nad he said yep she always used to do it to him and his sister growing up and in fact continued to clean their rooms up until the ages of 21 and 24 when they finally left home (believe me ive shared my views on that alone since i found out Hmm ).

so aibu to write a note something along the lines of "get out you nosey old cow" on a piece of paper. or something a bit more dramatic like some retirement home brochures with her name at the top Grin

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 10/02/2013 10:26

Oh and I would say quite plainly 'I planted the things there to teach you a lesson to stop going thru our private things'.

Don't lie op, otherwise you'll undo the good lesson you've given her.

LindyHemming · 10/02/2013 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateWhoopass · 10/02/2013 10:28

So he would side with his mum against you then? Say it was ok for his mum to look through your drawers? Excuse her? Well, maybe she was looking for the...

magimedi · 10/02/2013 10:29

I think for a friend is perfectly OK. But I would tell your DH soon.

Stokes · 10/02/2013 10:29

You really need to tell your husband-if my husband laid a trap for my mother without telling me I'd feel betrayed, although if I was in on it I'd help, if that makes sense.

Is there anyway you can speak to MIL before the uncle comes round? Sorting this directly with her could be a lot easier for everyone than if extended family start getting involved.

LindyHemming · 10/02/2013 10:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuchessFanny · 10/02/2013 10:30

She wasted no time getting the uncle involved eh ?!

Tbh it was funny yesterday but if I were you, with definite proof I'd be fucking furious at her snooping and I'd find it hard to not say something to DH and MIL. I'd be really uncomfortable letting her alone in the house again too ! So you're a better/ more patient person than me !

Let us know how it pans out, I'm intrigued to see how she reacts to it all !

gymboywalton · 10/02/2013 10:31

why not just fit a lock to your bedroom door?
surely that would be the easiest option?

MusicalEndorphins · 10/02/2013 10:32

She can't gym, the baby sleeps in there.

GetOrf · 10/02/2013 10:33

Oh so he is a little mummy's boy. Bloody hell. So not only have you got to state your argument against MIL and her brother, but also your DH making excuses for this behaviour as well.

This is completely abnormal behaviour - how the hell would they be able to explain her snooping away.

Sod letting that ratbag babysit again.

LilQueenie · 10/02/2013 10:33

why put locks on in your home to stop a rude intrusive old bat?

If I were to do this and DP got involved in helping he would simply ensure his mother was told not to go certain places so that she couldnt be caught out.

Guiltypleasures001 · 10/02/2013 10:33

I have just read this to my DH and he said put a gay mens mag in your husbands draw, or swingers monthly my fave better still a snake.

AshokanFarewell · 10/02/2013 10:34

FolkGirl is right. If you tell him later then instead of focusing on the fact that she went through your things he will be focusing on the fact that you tricked her and then lied to him about it. He will probably defend her because he is upset with you, especially if he is inclined to defend her anyway!

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 10/02/2013 10:34

Stokes yep hadnt thought of it that way, id be fuming if dp set up something against my mum without me, but to be honestif she had been doing something wrong then i wouldnt waste any time telling her so, he on the other hand thinks the sun shines out of her. I think its more to do with her drinking, when she gets upset she drinks more and they all hate her drinking as it is so nobody likes to upset her ( i did say they were a weird bunch)
so yeah ok i give in, once he comes back ill let him know, but at least let me have the glitter bomb on the back burner if there is a next time Grin please...

OP posts:
TomArchersSausage · 10/02/2013 10:36

This thread is brilliant. You've caught her out fair and square Galaxy. Remember to be gracious in victory. Poor mil.. I almost feel sorry for her. AlmostWink

My parents when they go away on holiday have their post taken off the mat etc by well meaning but v nosey neighbour (who insists on doing this for them).

My dad was convinced she's extended the picking up the post to having a bit of a poke about upstairs, although he couldn't prove it.

The next time they went away he put ds's extremely realistic and long rubber snake in his bedside drawer. This snake has regulalry given us all minor heart attacks when placed in unexpected places (much to ds's delight).

We sadly never found out if the neighbour saw it but we often wonder if she did, whether it scared her witless and once recovered from the shock what she made of finding such an item in the bedside drawer of a 70 year old manGrin.

ConfusedPixie · 10/02/2013 10:37

I don't know how you're not kicking up a massive fuss over this, if my Mum or DPs Mum tried this they wouldn't be allowed alone in my house again, it's bloody awful!

Though my Mum learnt her lesson before it was needed when she was clearing out bedside drawers from my old room at home and found sex toys. My aunt was staying for a few nights so Mum was organising the room for her!

MusicalEndorphins · 10/02/2013 10:37

When is uncle coming? (I need to plan my day, and can't tear myself away)

AshokanFarewell · 10/02/2013 10:39

I think you'd definitely be justified in using a glitter bomb next time, and maybe some pop out snakes in your undies drawer! :) good on you for telling him though, I'm sure it's for the best. And good luck with the uncle and MIL!

HecateWhoopass · 10/02/2013 10:40

Well, at ten OP posted that he'd called about half eight and said he'd be half an hour or so, so he was already an hour late when she posted! Grin

I have ironing to do and he'd best hurry up Wink

Cuddlyrunner · 10/02/2013 10:41

Can't wait to find out what DH says , think he will be hurt that MIL has done this and has been caught out. SHE IS IN THE WRONG, you have to present a united front for Uncle.
Just keep repeating but why was she going through the drawers????
Don't let go of that

MusicalEndorphins · 10/02/2013 10:43

Thanks Hecate. I will "watch" this thread and come back to enjoy the rest later then.
Good luck OP!

LindyHemming · 10/02/2013 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nappyaddict · 10/02/2013 10:43

My mum is bonkers but I don't think she'd even do this.

SoggySummer · 10/02/2013 10:44

You do know that her first come back is going to be "but I was only looking for xyz"

I still wouldnt say they were planted to catch her out but would still go down the mate asked me to look through them for her route still.

My MIL has done similar in the past. I just left little notes - saying "Hello Nosey" in places I knew she would snoop. I would have done this if I had been on mumsnet all those years ago.

ChocolatesSnowAngel · 10/02/2013 10:46

Yes don't let that be explained away...if she says she was looking for xyz say, why, she knows xyz is kept in the baby's cupboard etc. The bedside drawer is my personal drawer. Then point out all the things she has said in the past and that she clearly doesn't respect your privacy. Do not be drawn away from that. Good luck OP