Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hide a little warning note to MIL when she comes to babysit tomorrow?

945 replies

Wheresmygalaxy · 08/02/2013 21:49

Tomorrow will be the 3rd time MIL has come to babysit for us since our son was born, hes 7 months.

The 1st time dp and I went to ikea and when we returned she was prattling on and on about applying for child tax credits, all about how wonderful sil is eligible for them but doesnt claim - good for her, thought it was an odd topic but she is odd Smile

so the next time she babysit upon our return she was now gabbering on about which local hospital is the best to go to, she didnt like the one i gave birth in and made it well known that it wasnt as good as the 1 her friends daughter went to, so again im thinking what on earth is she on about. Then after she had gone i opened a drawer in my bedside table only to find my next hospital appt check up letter was in there and it was clearly obvious that she had gone through it while i was out. I find this just really odd i know shes really nosey but to go through of all the things in the house my bedside drawer i just found weird. She has mentioned other things that have made me think how does she even know that but having put 2 and 2 together its clear shes snooping around while were out. I love her for coming to babysit, shes giving up her time but that doesnt mean come in and go through my things does it!

I mentioned it to DP nad he said yep she always used to do it to him and his sister growing up and in fact continued to clean their rooms up until the ages of 21 and 24 when they finally left home (believe me ive shared my views on that alone since i found out Hmm ).

so aibu to write a note something along the lines of "get out you nosey old cow" on a piece of paper. or something a bit more dramatic like some retirement home brochures with her name at the top Grin

OP posts:
RobinSparkles · 10/02/2013 10:13

Ooh, X posted - never refreshed last page after reading!

giraffesCantEatNHSPotatoes · 10/02/2013 10:14

Oops I got too excited! Meant to say brilliant!!!

aufaniae · 10/02/2013 10:15

I'm a little worried about how you are going to get out of this situation without causing a huge family rift.

If she feels humiliated, she may react badly. If the family knows for example that you have been placing traps for MIL while she's been snooping, you will both seem a little bonkers, she may be able to manipulate the situation so the family see you as being in the wrong.

If you value a relationship with her, I giess the ideal would be a situation where she stops doing this, feels embarrassed on a personal basis but not the the point of being humiliated in fromt of the rest of the family.

How about - after leaving here to stew for a bit - you level with her, let her know you know she snoops, and so you left these things for her. Tell her you have no plans to move away, reassure her you love being near her, value your relationshop and really want to let your DS get to know his gran. But that the snooping must stop.

And then get a glitter bomb Grin

GlaikitFizzog · 10/02/2013 10:15

Shock nosey cow!! I would tell her she has driven you to it as you feel you have no privacy! Snooper McSnooperson from snooperville has been busted!!

If she wanted to know what's going on in your lives she should converse with you not comment on your undercrackers!

FruOla · 10/02/2013 10:15

Apologies for my X-posting re telling DH - I'm obviously not quick enough! Blush

GetOrf · 10/02/2013 10:15

The whole snooping thing sounded really funny but after that story about your baby in intensive care she sounds like a hideous woman who everyone seems to pander to, including her brother. What a way to behave.

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 10/02/2013 10:15

Yep, will be totally shocked when its revealed that she has been snooping, and no dp still doesnt know, i didnt put the post it note on in the end so all she has seen is the forms half filled in, so yes i can say they were for a friend, dp will be here when his uncle comes round so i cannot wait to see what he says as i can just say well they where for a friend and what was she doing going through my things...

I dont think dp would be too bothered, the little mail that still does go to there address for him, she opens it, if deemed to be important she will ring him and tell him otherwise she just puts it in the bin, hes asked her many times not to open it but she doesnt listen.

Yes his family are very odd, his dad is lovely though and half the reason i put up with mil, Shes not the type of person i could have sat down and just said to.. listen i know you have been going through our things, id rather you didnt as its intrusive, she would have laughed and told me she was doing no harm, this - as sad as it is that ive had to resort to - will hit home more than any conversation i could have had. I dont think it will stop her at all, may make her think twice though

i'm also saving the flyer for an orgy on the evening and time we have gone out too - that is brilliant! Smile

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 10/02/2013 10:16

This is too funny!

HecateWhoopass · 10/02/2013 10:17

I agree that your husband needs to know now!

I assume he's not a 'mummy's likkle soldier' who will side with mummy dearest, but will agree with you that it is unacceptable for someone to snoop through your underwear and your private documents.

Tell him that you have had enough. And she would have seen nothing if she didn't think it acceptable to root through your drawers.

HecateWhoopass · 10/02/2013 10:18

I wouldn't pretend it was for a friend. I think it really is better to be honest.

You are fed up of her snooping. It has to stop.

GetOrf · 10/02/2013 10:19

Why say the forms were for a friend? Can you not tell your DH?

Pancakeflipper · 10/02/2013 10:20

I think this is really sad. Feeling sorry for your DH please tell him now. Why a next time? Why not just get someone else to babysit?

HecateWhoopass · 10/02/2013 10:20

If it won't stop her - should you not say that you can't have her in your home unsupervised?

If you know that she will do it, regardless how you feel, you either have to be ok with it, or not let her in if she will be alone.

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 10/02/2013 10:22

whoever asked about the estate agents forms and how i could explain those - we bought this house a couple of years ago it was a bombsite and weve renovated it - we have been wanting to get it revalued for a while so i just mentioned to dp before that id picked up some estate agents brochures to look into getting the house valued and left them in his bedside drawers when tidying up so let me know what he thinks, he said ok when he has a chance he will have a look.

so at least he knows they are there, the australia forms i can explain, its the perfect plan [ mwaahahahahahahaha]

If i put this much energy into doing my work instead of making ghost traps with talc im sure id be a millionnaire Hmm

OP posts:
justmyview · 10/02/2013 10:22

I think you need to tell your DH, before his uncle comes over. He may agree with the strategy, but won't want to be the last to know about it

TobyLerone · 10/02/2013 10:22

Yy what Hecate said. Tell your DP and tell her the truth.

MrsPennyapple · 10/02/2013 10:23

She went through your knicker drawer? Who the hell does she think she is? I'd be enraged about that alone! Added to the stuff about "not being allowed to see the baby" I'd seriously consider whether her babysitting services were worth it.

MrsKoala · 10/02/2013 10:24

Delurking. It's is amazing. How can she claim any kind of moral high ground?

If this was in my house we wouldn't have to plant stuff as our bedside cabinet is full of sex toys and we have an entire wardrobe of 'dressing' up stuff and bdsm props. We have a bolt on the door and have the linen basket in front of it. My mum snooped once and got an eye full of a 2 way cock gag!

LtEveDallas · 10/02/2013 10:24

as i can just say well they where for a friend and what was she doing going through my things

Yes that is a good one. I'd act very hurt and shocked that she would invade your privacy like that. "it almost feels like I have been burgled" - or is that too far?

As funny as this thread is, I also find it quite sad. I'd hate to think that someone would go through my private stuff. I'd be really very hurt at the lack of privacy in my own home (and that's coming from someone who had to share a room for the first 9 years of Army life). You need to impress upon DP just how wrong this is, don't let him brush it off.

Best of luck for later on.

AshokanFarewell · 10/02/2013 10:25

I agree with Hecate, I think your husband needs to be in on it so that he knows how you feel about the snooping, and so he can help decide how to proceed. Also the more complicated the story becomes, the more likely it is to fall apart. If he finds out later that you lied to him then he will be quite upset and less likely to back you up about the snooping.

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 10/02/2013 10:25

I dont think he would take it too good if he knew i had set it up for his mum, he is very much in the "she can do no wrong camp" I will tell him though but not right now as i want him to be upset she has been going through his things also which she has no right to. Whoever said that the family seem to pander to her couldnt have been more right, Ive had it for 13 years everyone walks on eggshells around this woman, nobody ever says anything to upset her at the expense of everyone else.

May be harsh but for now i have the upper hand on this one, i never particularly wanted her in my house in the 1st place but i wouldnt ever ban her from coming to see her grandchild, i just dont trust her to have him overnight - she drinks heavily- so this is the lesser of the 2 evils.

OP posts:
MusicalEndorphins · 10/02/2013 10:25

OP, your dh may think you are planning on leaving him, I think you better let him know why the forms are in your drawer quickly!

Original poster
Wheresmygalaxy · 10/02/2013 10:26

maybe i just get the child proof locks on all the drawers a few months earlier Wink

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 10/02/2013 10:26

Actually, I wouldn't say it's for a friend. If I were you I'd tell your husband what you've done and then both speak with her.

If you tell him now, the chances are he'll agree with what you've done. If you leave it till later, he isn't going to appreciate being on the backfoot in his own home.

And yes, be honest. She is in the wrong here. Hecate is right.

SoggySummer · 10/02/2013 10:26

Good luck with the uncle!!

Am wondering whether "Uncle" would have been drafted in if you had gone down the photshopped pic of DH shagging a horse or other weird sex paraphanalia.

If you have time get a mate on board to back you up. Really let everyone know you are pissed off that she went in your bedside drawers - be shocked and keep asking "but why was she going in my beside drawer".

I totally think that if there is a next time then the glitter, blue stuff and broken drawers would be the way to go - she may eventually get the message.

Good luck and please come back to update.

Swipe left for the next trending thread