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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

for flouting hospital 'no sibling' rule for ebf baby?

659 replies

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 14:57

DS had an operation yesterday. He needed me to be there. Breastfed baby also needed me.

I took my Aunt to look after my ds and we were sent initially to a waiting room. The plan was for her to keep him there and for me to pop out of the ward to feed him.

However, we were there for half an hour and my ds started to ask for a feed, so I started to bf. Literally 2 sucks in, we were called. I pulled him off and he screamed so I jigged him about (which quietens him as a distraction) and moved towards the ward with him in tow.

The nurse told me he wasn't allowed. I told her that I needed to finish his feed and then I would take him back to my aunt. I offered to vrubg ds ub 10 mins but she got arsey saying that ds would have to have his operation cancelled if he missed his slpt. Nurse started tutting about him disturbing the other patients and that there was a strict no-sibling rule that I knew about as it was in the letter (it was).

so WIBU?

OP posts:
GeorginaWorsley · 05/02/2013 18:36

Do you accept you were unreasonable not to let them know beforehand?

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 18:38

he is exclusively breastfed, bar a couple of rice cakes and an odd something or other that rarely gets anywhere near his stomach.

He is reliant on milk, as he should be.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 18:39

Georgina On reflection I think it would have helped if I had let them know, but in all honesty, my plans were to keep ds in the waiting room and not take him on the ward. It was only because he had started a feed that could not be stopped that I requested he came with me.

OP posts:
Boutdesouffle · 05/02/2013 18:40

At 7 months he will not starve if he has to wait for a feed though. And surely that does not count as exclusive breastfeeding?

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 18:41

Areyou I'm really sorry but I cannot be held responsible for the hospital giving me false information about their reasons that conflicts with their baby friendly initiative.

If they had SAID it was about infection control (as was in the theatre) then I might have felt differently and let the baby scream.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 18:42

It counts in so far as nothing else would have met his needs.

OP posts:
atacareercrossroads · 05/02/2013 18:43

If you do complain op I wouldn't say he is ebf and has other food, but that doesn't count etc. As he is not exclusively bf so saying he is might undermine your complaint

BigSilky · 05/02/2013 18:44

Why does your baby's needs override those of the other children on the ward? Or did you think the rules were just there for the fun of it?

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird · 05/02/2013 18:45

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crashdoll · 05/02/2013 18:47

I would have thought it was obvious that non-patients shouldn't be in an operating theatre unless in extreme circumstances.

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird · 05/02/2013 18:48

And FYI I have managed to bf up to two years old,they often had to wait for a morning feed and they are far from damaged by it.

gimmecakeandcandy · 05/02/2013 18:49

Yanbu at all. I hate it when a baby's need to bf is dismissed so easily.

AndFanjoWasHisNameO · 05/02/2013 18:49

Not that you'll listen but I think YWBU too.
Your baby is old enough to have been popped back in his buggy by auntie and walked around the grounds with a drink of water and a rice cake for the 10 mins that you needed to sign consents etc.
Yes it would be different if he were newborn as you well know as an established feeder-to suggest you don't is just being obtuse.
Your (pre op) son needed you and the staff needed to know they had your full attention. They can't be expected to know how well your baby will or won't behave.
Believe me-no matter how important and individual your case is, once we start rule bending for one, the floodgates open.

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 18:52

ata It doesn't really matter as the nurse didn't enquire as to whether or not he could have anything else, nor how old her was. Therefore her attitude would have been the same regardless of his age or weaning stage, which is worthy of a complaint imo.

I have sent an email. It wasn't a complaint. The nurse turned out to be quite lovely with ds in the end, and once she realised that I wasn't a problem. It was more a FYI and a request for a consideration of those kinds of situations.

OP posts:
crunchbag · 05/02/2013 18:52

He was too sleepy to feed before going to the hospital is not good enough. You should have woken him earlier, really it isn't rocket science.

Yes it is unfortunate that he just started feeding when you were called in but you should have prevented that situation beforehand.

Mutley77 · 05/02/2013 18:52

I would have let someone else take DS (i.e. his father or a grandparent) if I really couldn't leave the baby even though it would have upset me not to be there. As a parent of more than one child I have to accept that I can't always do everything for each child. Although I must say if you were giving the baby his first feed in the hospital I would have thought you could have worked round that by waking him earlier and feeding him before you left. Then you could have left him at home for a few hours - surely they can go four hours between feeds by 7 months?

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 18:54

crashdoll, no babies were in operating theatres. Where has that been said?

Even I didn't want to be in the operating theatre but apparently they wanted me to be so I went WITHOUT baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 18:55

crunch, he is fed on demand, as per NHS guidelines. You can't force a baby to breastfeed if he doesn't want to.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 18:57

Bigsilk, It was a requirement that I accompany ds as his next of kin. I had a baby dependent on me. I made arrangements that he could be there but in a seperate room. The arrangements didn't work out completely as I had planned, but did for the most part.

OP posts:
Boutdesouffle · 05/02/2013 18:57

Newborn babies look very different from 7 month olds though. Anyway this is really not the point, as has been explained to you many times there are many different reasons why they have these rules in place... Infection control, emergency access, etc, but you are choosing to ignore this and focus on the fact that your baby needed you, yes he did, but it doesn't make him more important than the hospital patients. Can you not see that?

AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird · 05/02/2013 18:58

No,you can wake them earlier,they will fuss and be comforted by bm. You said so yourself,its a comfort for him.
What if it was a formula fed baby who would only take a bottle from Mum? Should she be allowed to flout the rules?

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 18:59

'Even the dogs on the street could have told you its about infection control DESPITE what you are told.'

I'm sorry but it was not and is not obvious to me. I read no siblings and thought no siblings. I didn't count bf baby as a sibling because we can't be seperated. I have a 4 yr old dd. I arranged for my mum to look after her at home. I had to arrange for 3 adults to do as best as I could within the hospital rules.

OP posts:
wordfactory · 05/02/2013 18:59

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Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/02/2013 19:01

Are. Stop going off on a tangent. The main reason, as stated, frequently, that my ds cannot be seperated from me is because he relies on me for nutrition, and to satisfy his hunger.

If you can't find a halfway decent argument against that then don't go round the houses looking for ways to 'win' that have no bearing at all on the situation.

OP posts:
AreYouADurtBirdOrALadyBird · 05/02/2013 19:01

Now you are being silly. Of course you can be seperated. You want special treatment because you are breastfeeding.