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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to detest the poems requesting money as a wedding gift?

293 replies

Moominlandmidwinter · 05/02/2013 14:38

We've been invited to three weddings in the last year. Each invitation has included a vomit-inducing poem about how the bride and groom want money as a wedding gift. Is there really any need? I didn't have a gift list or any other kind of mention about what we would like included with the invitations when I married three years ago. We found that the majority of guests gave us money or vouchers anyway. It just feels so grabby. Will stick a fiver in the card though Wink.

OP posts:
Pigsmummy · 07/02/2013 17:27

It's difficult though, if you have a home and don't need anything else, what do you say if you haven't got a gift list?

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 07/02/2013 18:07

we both had our own places before we got married so had plenty of house stuff. we invited all our friends and family and said no presents needed but if you insist then a bottle of wine would be nice . we got wine and some presents too from some people but some didn't bother we did not care at all we were pleased with what we got. I never know what to get folk but actually have not been to that many weddings. last one we bought a bottle of champagne, a pair of black silk boxers and a pair of black silk knickers, a scented candle and two beautiful champagne flutes, all wrapped in a box marked 'honeymoon kit'... they loved it.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2013 18:14

'It's difficult though, if you have a home and don't need anything else, what do you say if you haven't got a gift list?'

You say, 'No gifts. Thank you.'

Kveta · 07/02/2013 18:37

We got an invite recently in which they say 'we would like antiques as gifts, or money towards antiques'

And the wedding finishes 'promptly at 6pm'

Can't wait...

I have had two invites where money was asked for though, both were more 'we really don't want or need anything, but really do want to see you at our wedding. If you do want to give us a gift, then money towards (x, y, z) would be lovely' - and because they were invites from people we liked, we gave them money :)

WhatKindofFool · 07/02/2013 18:42

Kveta - the couple sound awful already. Have a good day!

HappyMummyOfOne · 07/02/2013 18:46

Agree with Expat, just say no gifts if you are already set up in a home. Less expense for your guests and no unwanted waste.

Its fine to want a honeymoon but not fine to ask for cash to fund it as you cant or dont want too. Its just grasping. Memories can be made anywhere, you dont need an expensive holiday paid for by your guests to do that. If a honeymoon means so much pop to the registry office, make your own buffet and spend your wedding savings on your own honeymoon.

Ariel21 · 07/02/2013 18:48

Yes, hate them. VOMIT. Especially when they've lifted it straight off the Internet. That 'living in sin' one is one I've seen before. We asked for money towards our honeymoon adventure (spent ages trying to get the wording right, so it didn't sound like we were asking). Some people still bought us well-thought-out gifts, that's their prerogative.

Original poster
Moominlandmidwinter · 07/02/2013 19:13

Oh Kveta! Make sure that you've got your coat on at 5.55pm...

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 07/02/2013 20:41

Kveta do you want to take my Nan along with you? She'd have a right good day out, will need to leave at 6 anyways as she goes to bed at seven and definetly qualifies as an antique.

ithaka · 08/02/2013 07:35

'Wedding Forums'??? Therein lies the problem. When I got married, no such forums existed - actually, I suspect no forums existed.

I can see with such forums you could get sucked into an alternative reality where a vomitous poem seems entirely normal. Perhaps the message to take away from this thread is that brides to be should avoid wedding forums at all costs.

Imaginethat · 08/02/2013 07:42

I got irritated with friends who threw an engagement party with gift list, a wedding with gift list, a housewarming with gift list, then baby shower etc. had to part company as could no longer afford friendship.

PostBellumBugsy · 08/02/2013 09:01

arf at Mortified Nan's going along with Kveta!!!!! Grin

thegreylady · 08/02/2013 09:04

My cousin was saving for a set of dining chairs as a wedding present and asked for contributions. I bought a set of the nicest dolls house chairs I could find and taped a cheque to the box. They have the chairs on display and used the cheque towards real ones.They now have a dd and I hope she will have a dolls house one day and the chairs will be used.

ArbitraryUsername · 08/02/2013 10:31

People who send you poems asking for money are just crying out to have goats donated in their honour.

WhatKindofFool · 08/02/2013 11:15

People who send you poems asking for money are just crying out to have goats donated in their honour.

LOL!

Kveta · 08/02/2013 11:39

:o mortified - think my own nan fulfils those criteria too, although she may not be coming (it is a close family member who is to be wed - sadly too close for us to be able to avoid attending).

Angelico · 08/02/2013 11:43

YABVVVVVVVU. I wish to God we had put in a poem begging for money as well as our gift list. It would have avoided us getting 4 non-matching cutlery sets we didn't need / want / like, some of them clearly expensive and none of them with gift receipt.

I hate people wasting their money on things that are useless :( I would rather have had a fiver in a card that I could spend on something we needed.

Angelico · 08/02/2013 11:44

And in all honesty I would rather have had the Oxfam goat than cutlery sets 3 and 4 Confused Maybe I should sell them and use the proceeds to buy a goat :o

expatinscotland · 08/02/2013 11:45

'People who send you poems asking for money are just crying out to have goats donated in their honour.'

Oh, YY! :o

I mean, they wanted you to give money, so you did.

chocoluvva · 09/02/2013 10:43

Angelico, the gifts you describe as useless may be very useful in years to come. You don't know how you'll feel about it when you're a bit older. If you'd spent a fiver on something you need now, I bet you won't remember it in 10 years...

chocoluvva · 09/02/2013 10:45

Sometimes people give gifts that they know you wouldn't buy for yourself so that you can have good quality, long-lasting things. Eg, nice crystal glasses, (provided you don't break them) cutlery, crockery etc. Your taste might change.

allthatglittersisnotgold · 09/02/2013 11:28

I don't mind the poems or requests for cash or presents! (No I am not married or planning a weddding). I'm normally at a do of a friend. I like them and I want them to be happy. We had a cash based poem a few years ago. We just had a giggle about the poem and thought nothing of it. I think yab a little u. Do people not like te weddings they go to?

LouiseD29 · 09/02/2013 11:37

Gosh, there are some cheerful people on this thread, aren't there?

DH and I were in our mid thirties when we got married and felt uncomfortable requesting gifts as we already had so much. But so many people made it clear that they wanted to get us something and would would prefer to have some direction that we did ask for contributions towards the honeymoon. We did it via a gift list so people could feel like they were buying us a specific experience and afterwards sent thank you notes with a photo of us doing that particular thing. Saving money on the honeymoon meant more free wine for everyone at the wedding.

OP - I'm with you on the rhymes - they're awful, but it's impossible to please everyone at a wedding so think a lot of people on here should lighten up a little bit!

Ashoething · 09/02/2013 11:41

You could have saved money on your honeymoon by just not having one louise-rather than expecting your guests to subsidise it in return for what a few more glasses of cheap plonk? Of course you could have just charged your guests an entry fee and made the money that way....

LouiseD29 · 09/02/2013 11:55

We didn't expect them to subsidise it, we were quite prepared to pay for it ourselves, but most our friends and family wanted to give us something - that's what usually happens at weddings. Plenty of people went off list or didn't get us anything at all and that's fine too. (They were still allowed the free wine - ha ha)

My point was more that it's unreasonable to expect people to do their weddings the way you think they should do them - it's their wedding! One thing to think rhymes are tacky but another to get in a huff because people have dared to make a suggestion about what they might like as a gift.