to detest the poems requesting money as a wedding gift?

[Moominlandmidwinter]

We've been invited to three weddings in the last year. Each invitation has included a vomit-inducing poem about how the bride and groom want money as a wedding gift. Is there really any need? I didn't have a gift list or any other kind of mention about what we would like included with the invitations when I married three years ago. We found that the majority of guests gave us money or vouchers anyway. It just feels so grabby. Will stick a fiver in the card though .

Oh I hate the whole gift list/ money thing completely, IMO it's utterly grasping in this day & age. Surely back in the day wedding gifts were meant to stock up the newlyweds' new home with everything they'd need to start their life together etc, but nowadays many people have lived together for years or are on their 2nd or 3rd wedding! Hence no need for a dinner service, so requests for money are sent out instead. Last year I had to give so much money for one wedding present, towards their honeymoon apparently, that I couldn't afford to go on hols myself! I agree with atthwelles, there's pressure on people to give too much, usually hundreds. It's just so ungracious and crass to ask for money, whether in verse or not!

Cool Pav, I'll bring the salsa teachers over first class

So, what gift would be suitable for 'the couple who have everything including account number and sort code on the evening invite'?

I'm getting more indignant reading this thread in regard to the invitation we've had - in fact the couple in question and their parents are delightful and I think the money request is probably a trend they've been sucked into without realising how disliked it is by us grumpy old women

Here's the thing though - I'd like to get them a small present. It'll probably be a bottle of champers - you can't have too many of those imo.

You can if you've just provided the wine for your wedding and have loads left over. I'd think a bottle of champagne is the last thing they'd want.

Fifty I would always get champagne.

Champagne doesn't eat or drink - they can keep it for as long as they like! That's what it's going to be anyway, and my policy for future cash demands.

Ok so I have been mulling this over and whether I should post but as I have read all of this thread and some of the nastier comments I think I should stand up and be counted.
I am a bride who had a cash poem in my invitations
Now I had never been married before and the last 2 weddings I went to I was asked(no poem) for cash. To me that was perfectly acceptable I would have brought a present so cash to the equivilant was fine. One bride brought a new tv the other paid off debts I was happy to contribute to both.
When it came to my wedding we didn't want to tell guests that we would prefer money so I honestly thought the poem was a nicer way of doing it. I didn't see it as people paying to come to my wedding just an easier way for people to give a gift. In my defence I was on a wedding forum where ALL the brides were doing this.
Having read this same thread about how awful and grabby it is over and over I wanted to put my side of it. We did have people tell us that they liked it as it saved them having to think of a present (but I guess they didn't mean it according to some posts)
With the money we received we were able to go on our very first(and probably last due to cost during holidays) holiday abroad. It was magical for us as a family unit to do this together and we have our wedding guests to thank for our amazing experience.
Now I know how frightful it is to be that cash poem bride would I do it again? No. Do I regret it? Nope, although it upsets me to think our guests thought as you do.

The thing is, though, lollilou, not everyone can afford to spend much on a wedding present and by asking for cash you're preventing those people from buying an inexpensive gift that they've put a lot of thought into and forcing them to write a cheque. I mean, no one would feel comfortable giving a gift cheque for £20 as they would feel it would look a bit mean (even if the B&G wouldn't think that at all) but £20 and a bit of imagination and effort could add up to a lovely thoughtful and very individual present.
I don't think there have been any nasty comments on here, in fairness.

lollilou, if when I'd phoned up to say thanks for the invite, I can't wait to come & asked what you wanted & you'd said to me: "Do you know what PBB, we'd love to go on a holiday, all of us together - if you feel like it, you could but some Thomas Cook vouchers?" - I'd have been thrilled to do it. I'd have been so very happy to help you do something memorable & special, that I could be part of.

But the cold ask for cash (be it as a poem or straight request) in the invite just seems a bit mercenary to me - specially for a second wedding, when everyone knows you've already had a shed load of gifts the first time around!

It's the expectation that your guests are going to give you something and the childish way of writing a silly poem.

DH and I didn't live together before we got married. We 'needed' nearly everything for our home. No way I'd ask for anything though. An elderly aunt gave us a set of mugs that I would never ever choose. Twenty years later I still think about her when I use them and love our 'Aunt x' mugs.

A donation for a holiday doesn't allow the giver to have any personal output.

My sister and her husband did this for their wedding last year, they've been living together for years, so asked for a donation for the their honeymoon, they got given in total, over £1000.

When I got married I already had my house and everything we needed, but of course it is very difficult to say that. People kept asking what we wanted for presents, so when we sent out the invites, I put in a little note saying,

Obviously, you will appreciate, that as we already live together, we have most things that we need, and on our wedding day we just require your presence not presents, however if you would like to give a present, we have a small gift list at Argos to replace some items or else gift vouchers would be lovely towards some new furniture.

Most people were really happy to give cash or vouchers as it saved them having to buy a present. Most people knew that all my furniture and items had been second hand when I bought my house, so were happy to help me "upgrade" or give money towards a new wardrobe.

If you have everything you need then you don't need presents. 'Oh, no presents, but cash is fine.' Just 'No gifts, please.' You either want them or you don't.

Fifty - an invitation for an evening do with a cash poem in it? Don't go. Treat yourself and your husband to a nice night out somewhere of your chosing.

We didn't ask for anything. No list, no cash poem. Nothing. Why should we ask for anything?

Some people bought us presents, some didn't, we didn't mind either way.

The worst wedding list I saw was my cousin's. She married a rather well off gentleman who's family could provide everything they needed. Although she lived in North Wales she had her list at Selfridges in London (no branches in those days). Everything on it was wildly expensive including a Minton china dinner service. I think I bought her a saucer
She now sends out round Robbin letters at Christmas boasting about her children's horse riding medals and the lake she had built at her holiday home in France.
-She has never had a job.-

I hate it when they ask to contribute to honeymoon. Why would I pay for your holiday?
It's rude to specify a gift unless someone asks what you would like. You are lucky to get a gift. It's just so ungrateful to specify what you'd like.
You don't get married to get gifts as far as I'm aware.
I also dislike the poems.

I saw on here someone paid for a very very grabby Bride's wedding to be Carbon Offsetted. I would have paid to see their face when they opened the gift.

Unless you are the Poet Laureate, leave the verse to others.

Shit poetry makes the whole "give us yer money" demand many times worse.

In fact, I'd much rather someone wrote "Give Us Yer Money". At least you could RSVP with a polite "Fuck Off".

Poems asking for cash are awful.

Just send out the invite.

Wait until, or even if, you are asked and then say what you would like.

Honestly though I had one of these last year.

The couple wanted cash for a far flung holiday. I didn't give a gift (evening only invite)because they said they have everything they wanted, lucky them! and as I didn't get a holiday myself , I sure as hell aren't paying for anyone else to have one.

Slightly OT, I am reminded of the most bridezillaish behaviour I've ever experienced. A mate of mine "A" got married some time ago and instead of gifts asked for donations to a charity that meant a lot to her. Her "friend" ("B") who'd got married a few months earlier, and had a standard wedding list, then threw a massive strop, because A was being hugely selfish in asking for charity donations because she was doing it deliberately purely to make B look bad and grabby.

So, wedding forums are encouraging couples in this tacky trend - the wedding 'industry' has got completely out of hand!

I'll be pointing my dds to MN for advice if they decide to marry