Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to detest the poems requesting money as a wedding gift?

293 replies

Moominlandmidwinter · 05/02/2013 14:38

We've been invited to three weddings in the last year. Each invitation has included a vomit-inducing poem about how the bride and groom want money as a wedding gift. Is there really any need? I didn't have a gift list or any other kind of mention about what we would like included with the invitations when I married three years ago. We found that the majority of guests gave us money or vouchers anyway. It just feels so grabby. Will stick a fiver in the card though Wink.

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 05/02/2013 17:17

YANBU. They are vile.

But I haven't got my head round it being ok to ask for money in the first place, it's crass and vulgar as far as I'm concerned.

Trills · 05/02/2013 17:21

A gift list is not a demand, it is merely a suggestion.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/02/2013 17:23

I know, trills. Confused

I think everyone else does, too.

BalloonSlayer · 05/02/2013 17:23

Reply

We want to give a present
With an impact that will last
So enclosed is a toaster
Please shove it up your arse

HappyJoyful · 05/02/2013 17:24

Slightly off the specific topic of poems (yuck inducing rubbish) YANBU.

I recall a friend was invited to a wedding not that long a go and the couple ear marked specifically which part of the dinner service they were requesting that someone had to buy - based on the perceived income (or possibly known) of the invitee! My friend was told for instance to buy '2 side plates' her manager (I think it must have been a colleague) was 'told' to buy 3 dinner plates.

I also remember an invite I received about 8 years ago that had one of those irksome poems about contributing to the honeymoon via a specific company - when one phoned the minimum voucher was £20 - now don't get me as a tight arse- I hugely resented being told that that was what I was expected to spend (and dutifully didn't!)

MrsKoala · 05/02/2013 17:25

At the moment I am particularly furious about the rudest wedding invitation ever received, so yanbu. It did not have a poem but had an a4 typed begging letter justifying why they needed as much money as possible for house repairs...including photos. Also other things about the invite were so rude I almost posted about it but thought it may it me! RUDE RUDE RUDE!!!! Is all I can say.

Trills · 05/02/2013 17:26

So why is it bad to put in a list of suggestions, when you know that 90%+ of the people receiving the information are going to ask you for suggestions if you don't include them?

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 05/02/2013 17:26

Threads like this wind me up something rotten! If you were going to give money anyway then why get pissed off cos they asked for it? I'd much rather get something I know they want rather than waste money on a guess.

Just so I know for the future, what is the correct thing to do when having a wedding? Do you just invite people and hope for the best with presents or money? What if you then end up with 10 toasters, 15 espresso machines and a fiver in a card?

SpicyPear · 05/02/2013 17:27

Do it MrsKoala you tease. Name chabge if you have to...

OP YANBU. Those rhymes are rude and vom inducing.

Nancy66 · 05/02/2013 17:28

I like your poem Balloon - shame Hallmark went bust, or they'd be biting your hand off for that one....

thebody · 05/02/2013 17:32

Balloon ha ha great.

We didn't do a wedding list for our wedding. It's rude to ask for stuff. Wedding or birthday. Bad manners.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 05/02/2013 17:32

trills - same reason it's usually rude to suggest someone gives you a gift, I think.

You don't send out invitations for your birthday, or your knees up with mates, with an added 'oh, and I'd really fancy a new kitchen so chip in a tenner, will you?'. That's why.

Maryz · 05/02/2013 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFallenNinja · 05/02/2013 17:37

"We're having a bash, give us some cash"

Smile
Ragwort · 05/02/2013 17:38

I always understood that you sent out invitations without a gift list, then (traditionally) guests would ask the bride's mother if there was a gift list, a little book would be sent around with individual pages that you tore off when you selected what gift to buy Grin - then posher people started having lists at department stores where you would be directed.

These days when so many people have homes together before the wedding it just seems totally naff to enclose a gift list, or a twee request for cash - it really appears grabby. Most guests who know you will know your taste/what you have and give you something appropriate (or cash, or champagne), of course you might not like it, just as the guests might not like your choice of menu at the reception. But a wedding shouldn't be about the gifts. I am always amused by people who clearly spend thousands ++ on a wedding and then ask for cash for the honeymoon. Why not have a smaller wedding and pay for your own honeymoon (as we did Grin - and if anyone asked about gifts we made it very clear that we did not want any - I think we only got one in the end, which was one more than we wanted!).

These days we only seem to be invited to second or third weddings so I give charity gifts, which probably aren't appreciated. Grin.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 05/02/2013 17:40

This has been done before many many many many times. While the poems are universally derided, gift lists and money are a contentious issue.

In fact, weddings....fuck 'em.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 05/02/2013 17:40

And they always always always always contain the word "grabby".

That's the rule.

MrsKoala · 05/02/2013 17:40

Just some of the rude things were the gift letter which was not only totally ott but really sneering about the bad taste of the people they bought the house from, slagging off decor with no idea whether any of the recipients had that same decor. They said what colours guests could wear, not just don't wear black but actually a list of colours. Ds wasn't on the invite, fine, but there was a note in which said 'if your dc's name in not on the invitation, they are not invited' erm okay, a simple 'sorry no kids' would do. Hotel costs £120 per night. 2 night stay mandatory. It goes on. Angry

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 05/02/2013 17:44

Koala wow! Just...wow! Shock

MrsKoala · 05/02/2013 17:46

That's not the worst, the worst would out me totally tho.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 05/02/2013 17:48

Gwan gwan gwan...!

ENormaSnob · 05/02/2013 17:48

I think we need more details mrskoala Grin

Have you declined?

IrrelevantElephant · 05/02/2013 17:49

I got an awful one too-

We need a new kitchen and bathroom too
But asking for big things isn't the thing to do
So please put some cash in an envelope
To give our little house a bit of hope
A box will be at the reception hall
To collect your wishes- thanks to all!

I was going to give money anyway, but jeeeeezz that's a pretty bad poem.

stargirl1701 · 05/02/2013 17:52

I hate being asked for cash but love a gift list. I'd much rather buy a present I know is wanted and will be kept & used for years rather than randomly choosing something that'll be eBayed, regifted or put into the charity shop.

SpicyPear · 05/02/2013 17:52

Koala you ate a drip feeding tease. I neeeeeed the gory details.

Swipe left for the next trending thread