to detest the poems requesting money as a wedding gift?

[Moominlandmidwinter]

We've been invited to three weddings in the last year. Each invitation has included a vomit-inducing poem about how the bride and groom want money as a wedding gift. Is there really any need? I didn't have a gift list or any other kind of mention about what we would like included with the invitations when I married three years ago. We found that the majority of guests gave us money or vouchers anyway. It just feels so grabby. Will stick a fiver in the card though .

We do tend to decline especially if it's going to cost £££ to attend.

Negative or not, I just don't want to spend our hard earned cash on transport/accommodation to some random place, drinks at an expensive bar all day and then feeling obligated to put a fortune in a card.

I don't see how a cash poem is like charging a fee. It is optional. I do still think it's rude.

I suppose if you know a couple who're lovely and delightful who managed to pull off a cash request with grace and charm (HOW??!), maybe you feel differently. But, it's unfortunately been true for me that the weddings where we got cash requests (including, yes, a poem) were also in general bridezilla/groomzilla/grooms-mother-zilla type things where no-one gave a fuck about the guests. One of these was the wedding where I was informed that my cash gift was cheap. I was a student and it was 50 quid (family, but not especially close family). So, it does colour my perception of it a bit, because I can't help associating the poems with grabby people.

Yanbu. They suck.

We didn't mention money or gifts on our invites and we're staggered by people's generosity... Champagne and/or money from everyone. Was such a wonderful surprise.

MrsKoala :(
I love the reply verses. When a couple gets married and invites close friends and family to celebrate with them, it's lovely however they choose to do it.
However, I know I've been invited to weddings of people I barely know and I'm fairly confident I'm padding out the numbers. When the same invitation includes a twee verse saying 'we're not being funny/ we just want your money/ because we know you have awful taste/ so any gift you give us would just go to waste'.

For these, should there be a sanctimonious reply:
"We got your card and were so delighted
That to your wedding we've been invited
We know for years you've built a home
With kettles and toasters made of chrome
And so your wedding gives us pause
To search for a really noble cause
And help those less fortunate than ourselves
To fill their stomachs and empty shelves.
We've donated your gift to charity
We hope you're as happy as can be!"

LRD You were told fifty quid was cheap? Now that's rude.

I would rather have guidance about what to get, whether from a gift list or money, but the poems are awful. If there's no indication of what to get, I would give a bottle of champagne.

Yy lrd.

The last few we went to were massively varying experiences.

2 fabulous ones, lovely meal, plenty of wine, great evening buffet, local venues. A really nice experience as a guest. Plus no mention of gifts in the invitation. (we gave each couple cash anyway)

1 evening do that was miles away, not local to b or g either. Mega expensive bar and a note to not take own drinks or b and g would be charged corkage. Complete with grabby poem. We declined.

1 all day do, about 3 hours waiting around post ceremony, no drinks at all not even with meal, nice location but pretty rubbish food, really expensive pay bar all day, lots of nice decorations and table favours but no thought to guests comfort at all. Again complete with grabby poem. Wish we had declined, it cost us an absolute fortune to attend.

YANBU but I've never been to a wedding with a poem in the invite!
When we got married we were already living together and had DS so we had most things for the house. No gift list or money requests but when people asked us we said Argos vouchers.
I should explain this one, everything we had was second hand kindly gived to us when we moved in. Without trying to sound like the Monty Python sketch we were genuinely very poor and at times relied on food parcels from relatives to keep us going. We only had a small wedding and the people who came had no problem giving vouchers. In fact they seemed to think it was a great idea, my brand new work colleagues (I had only started work 2 weeks before the wedding) put in enough for us to replace a fairly large item that fell apart 2 days before we got married! Oh and the kettle blew up on the big day so they came in very useful
It probably seems grabby but at the time it fulfilled a need and 13 years on we still have a lot of the stuff the vouchers bought.

Pavlov- I am delighted about being invited to this particular wedding, it's the just the poem I dislike. As I have said though, I will give a cash gift.

The other two weddings were last year. One invitation was from my work colleague, and the other was from a colleague of DH's. On both occasions we were on the 'B' list (evening only). On both occasions, on arrival, we had to search out the bride and groom, then were promptly steered in the direction of the wedding card box. In fact, at one of the weddings, the bride was too busy to even greet us, or say goodbye. I know people get swept up in enjoying themselves, but at my own wedding, we stood near the entrance to the room, and made sure that we properly greeted and said goodbye to every guest.

LRD- that's terrible. I would consider £50 quite a substantial amount to give!

Flobbadobs- that doesn't seem grabby at all.

Well, this is what I'm saying, snazzy, it's quite possible I'm biased because of it.

But then it's clear you get horrible experiences whatever you do - look at mrsK! That is much worse. And I wonder what on earth she could have done to wring some semblance of decent behaviour from her family, there.

I don't think that's grabby either flobba - they asked, you said what you wanted.

The worst thing about the honeymoon fund requests is when the major holiday company it is with start spamming all the guests that have contributed and ignore repeated requests to be removed from the mailing list

Cash requests for the evening do?

C'mon, why bother going? Treat yourself and your husband to a nice meal out instead, with wine of your own chosing.

I think if I'd married in the UK I may have said if you feel inclined to give us a gift then vouchers would be fab but feel dont obliged.

We married abroad and to be honest with you I was so grateful anyone came let alone 40 people. I think it helped that nobody had visited the city before but everything we laid on including trasfers by mini bus to the venues/paying for taxis home, free snacks food and then we'd arranged and paid to have a free bar until 10pm. This is a country where the booze was very cheap and the bill after the freeby came to £1000 We like a knees up in our family...haha I was 8 weeks pregnant and on tomato juice whilst some of my elderly aunts were doing Tequilla slammers off the very buff Salsa teacher's torso...

Gosh I'm over sharing again.

Glad you said that! Sometimes you see threads on here though and wonder...
Just thinking about the day now, DH wrestling Ds into a suit while half dressed himself and me in my wedding dress trying to fix the kettle and not smudge my nails!
I want to go to a wedding with a poem, just for giggles!

This again! I've never had one of these poems. And would put in straight in the bin if I did get one. What is it that these rude entitled people don't understand about wait to be asked what you would like for a present and if money is given as an option then fine.

Go and take your begging bowl elsewhere because I've no intention of filling it.

Actually sod the poem, I want to go to a wedding like Megglevache's

Give us your cash poems are rude.Fact.Just charge an entry fee or sell tickets for your wedding.

Ithaka how lovely that you eventually used all your wedding toasters.
I really dislike requests for money, when I got married many years ago we were grateful for anything and some of the gifts are still in daily use, pans, vases, wine glasses. Nowadays couples are not shy about stipulating exactly what they want and think that spending £25 on a crappy meal merits £100 in return, plus travel/accommodation/pay bar costs incurred makes it more expensive than a week in Spain. I only attend ones where I genuinely want to share the day and don't begrudge the expense.

Never heard of gift list poems before reading this thread and the ones described do deserve to be thoroughly mocked.

But to each their own. I don't see the problem with gift lists so long as they are inclusive, i.e. have prices starting at under a tenner. Also, unless your guests are passing acquaintances they will surely want to get you something the same way that that you give them gifts to mark special occasions in their lives.

DH and I included a list of 'items' towards our honeymoon. These ranged from a fiver for romantic bath gunge to £100 for a night's accommodation with varying prices in between for stuff like a picnic lunch, a day's car hire, evening meal, attraction tickets etc. We then included a picture of us enjoying said 'item' on honeymoon in our thank you cards (including one of us standing by the hire car while it got repaired ).

It was clearly stated as optional, guests mixed and match to suit how much they wanted to give and we got loads of positive comments on the idea. Many people also went off list and we got some lovely gifts of champagne, photo albums, a personalised clock, champagne flutes and a Zorb ball experience, all of which were also very appreciated.

I think that if you don't want physical things or you like stuff from a variety of shops, asking for money makes life simpler for those who aren't sure what to get you. If you know the person's taste get them something else you are sure you'll like. If you don't want to/can't give them money or anything else then just give them a card. I'm sure they won't mind since the important part is that you share their celebration. And if you don't think they'll see it that way then why attend the wedding of such greedy ungrateful shitbags in the first place?

I have never received a wedding invitation with a blatant request for a cash gift. But I have heard of some incredibly rude ones eg bank account number included with invite; specific amounts laid down as to how much a couple and how much a single person should contribute.

But then, weddings seem to bring out the worst in some people. Like the current fashion for holding the ceremony and reception in some remote, difficult for everyone to get to, place and expecting guests to take two days off work and fork out for expensive overnight stays plus petrol or train tickets. You nearly need to take out a bank loan nowadays to attend a wedding.

I can't remember a wedding I've gone to in the last few years where though couple didn't ask for money rather than stuff. And everything is so expensive and difficult now for young couples, I don't mind giving it. Tbh it saves a lot of hassle and I'd have missed all those fun weddings of friends and relations if I'd got the hump each time. I don't really know that many well off people though so have never been given the opportunity to be offended by them asking for honeymoon donations etc ;)

Granted a poem is appalling.

But some people seem to regard weddings as a massive opportunity to get offended. Invitation arrives in post: NOT A FUCKING WEDDING INVITATION! WHAT UTTER BASTARDS!

Don't know why I said through couple rather than the couple.

Aw thanks Flobbadobs...even 10 years on the guests say they loved it- I am amazed anyone remembered a thing.. I wish I'd been able to join in but I was looking after everyone including setting up little beds for a few children on the dance floor whilst the steamin' drunk adults had Salsa lessons from the hotties we'd hired.

"But some people seem to regard weddings as a massive opportunity to get offended. Invitation arrives in post: NOT A FUCKING WEDDING INVITATION! WHAT UTTER BASTARDS!"

Nicely put, Ariel