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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly horrified and disgusted at my brother!

203 replies

FamilyTroubles · 05/02/2013 13:55

Long story with so much background that it would be the length of War and Peace if I was to include it all! Basically my DB has been married twice and has a child to each marriage. His eldest DC lives some distance from him (think complete opposite ends of the country) involving a plane or long train journey.

He still keeps in touch with his DC1 and has her every school holiday and would be excellent at paying maintenance and would send pocket money and contribute extra towards school trips, uniforms and new shoes/clothes. However his second wife does not have a good relationship with DN and has said publicly that she feels it is disruptive for her and their child when she visits and she resents the amount money my DB contributes towards DN. MY DN1 and DN2 don't appear to have any kind of relationship and blatantly ignore each other when they are together.

So there is some background information. Cutting to last night when DN1 was admitted to hospital with a life threatening condition. She is absolutely terrified and is asking for her father (my DB). My DB is refusing to go as he has apparently no money and SIL has said she will not loan him any as she can't spare any (they have separate finances, DB pays the mortgage and bulk of household bills whilst she covers things for herself and their child). My DM has stepped in and said she will pay the airfare but DB has said that SIL is not happy for him to go and he must respect her wishes!

To say I am boiling with rage is an understatement, how anyone could treat their child inthat way at such worrying time is beyond me. Incidentally,I have taken emergency leave and got MIL to help out with my DC's so I can go tomorrow to see DN. So AIBU or should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:
theoriginalandbestrookie · 05/02/2013 20:51

The whole story is shocking, particularly the FB bit.
I wouldn't post anything nasty on FB but I would put something like. " Why don't you come with me to see DD. I know it would mean the world to her."

Does it in a way that won't cause WW3 and gives him the chance to do the right thing by his daughter.

What an utter arse he is.

QuietNinjaTardis · 05/02/2013 20:54

Well you are much more grown up than me your sil and your 'd'b. I'm so so cross on your and your nieces behalf. I really hope she gets better quick and you give him a fecking good talking to and tell your sil to fuck off and never talk to you again.

MrsOakenshield · 05/02/2013 20:55

oh, that's great news she's out of danger.

I would still post something for all to see on FB and then leave it, if SIL wants to respond don't get involved, she's only going to show herself up as a heartless bitch.

bleedingheart · 05/02/2013 20:57

So glad your DN is out of danger. Doubt your dB will be forgiven.

DoItToJulia · 05/02/2013 20:57

You sound like a good antidote to your brother. DN is lucky to have you.

diddl · 05/02/2013 21:04

Oh thank goodness.

I´d be having to sit on my hands to avoid putting something oh FB.

Still, you, your Mum & his daughter know how bothered he was.

Won´t FBers work it out by the fact that he won´t be visiting?

I mean, all else aside, his daughter is in hospital-and likely to be for a week...

Speaks for itself.

trixymalixy · 05/02/2013 21:06

Your poor DN Sad Angry.

I would not be able to hold back from telling your DB and SIL exactly what I thought of them publicly on FB. What utter utter cunts.

Andro · 05/02/2013 21:07

Family - I'm glad the news is positive.

Your brother and SIL are still beyond polite words though...

Whoknowswhocares · 05/02/2013 21:12

Agree with everything already said about DB and SIL.........utterly contemptible, vile tossers, both of them

Please don't put anything on FB though......what if DN sees it? Compounding her hurt by telling everyone she knows is cruel and she is getting more than enough of that already from her father. Sit on your hands if you must, but please show restraint for her sake

NopeStillNothing · 05/02/2013 21:13

You don't need to put anything shitty just something along the lines of 'DN was asking after you when I visited to support her through this terrifying experience. When shall I tell her you are coming'
Or
You are a spineless piece of shit, how dare you refuse to visit your critically ill daughter when she has asked for you in hospital yet play the caring worried Father for all to see on FB. Fucking do one cunt!

Either is fine.

Bearandcub · 05/02/2013 21:15

Having just read through all this I'm livid and hugely relieved your DN is stable. Wish her well and help her move on both from the trauma of the events but the life-changing situation she has gone through.

I hope you, your mother and your niece grow closer in supporting each other in leaving your brother behind. He is worth no more time.

glenthebattleostrich · 05/02/2013 21:19

You don't need to get into a slanging match, simply point out he is a cunt who wouldn't visit his daughter because his wife said he wasn't allowed then unfriend him.

I personally would be sending a message saying that you no longer have a brother or SIL, they are a fucking disgrace.

Glad to hear good news on your DN.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/02/2013 21:19

He put it on Facebook? Shock

I could think of a few things you could post on there Angry.

Nanny0gg · 05/02/2013 21:23

Anyone else wish that SiL was on Mumsnet?

I'm glad the news is better for your DN, OP. It might not hurt to put a carefully worded message on FB. I wouldn't be able to resist.

DeepRedBetty · 05/02/2013 21:24

Have lurked this thread as didn't trust myself not to say something unforgivable... So pleased DN is stable. Sorry but your db's no.2 missis sounds like an utter bitch.

whoopwhoopbib · 05/02/2013 21:25

Only just found this thread and am so pleased to have read that your dn is out of danger.

I can't believe your db wouldn't visit her though, does he not realise that it is very easy to replace a wife but impossible to replace your child??

BooBumpDaddyandMe · 05/02/2013 21:27

Tell DB & SIL how utterly PATHETIC they are. In no uncertain terms.
YA absolutely NBU.

I hope your DN makes a speedy recovery poor thing.

JingleMum · 05/02/2013 21:27

NopeStillNothing fabulous post!!

Your niece is lucky to have a wonderful aunt & grandmother. I can't help but feel so sorry for her though, how must she feel that her dad didn't come? Sad

Eventually, your brother will deeply resent his wife for this, I would bet my house that they won't last and that he'll see how vile her behaviour has been. He'll hate her. That's no excuse though, he could still have gone, he didn't need her permission. He is an utter, utter disgrace of a man.

Whoknowswhocares · 05/02/2013 21:27

I imagine DN will find it bloody easy to replace a father now, with someone who gives a toss. Stupid, stupid man

Glad she is out of danger OP

LittlePicnic · 05/02/2013 21:29

Yanbu- your brother needs to step up to his responsibilities. His wife needs to remember that marriage joins families; his daughter is her step- daughter and she could die. I hope she gets well soon! X

trixymalixy · 05/02/2013 21:30

I like nopestillnothing's idea.

diddl · 05/02/2013 21:30

SILs actions are unbelievable-but his more so!

I just can´t think how she is stopping him?

Is she abusive??

In which case he should get himself & his younger daughter away!

I mean it´s really hard to understand, isn´t it?

Father is told he isn´t allowed to see his sick daughter-& he accepts it??

11Plustrauma · 05/02/2013 21:34

So glad to hear she's doing better.

He's still behaving like a spineless wonder and SIL, if you're a MNetter, you're a grade A class 1 cunt of the highest order.

JingleMum · 05/02/2013 21:35

diddl I know? What man would accept that? A divorce would be on the cards in 99% of cases.

The love I have for my child is overwhelming, nothing or no-one could keep me from her if she were ill.

Original poster
FamilyTroubles · 05/02/2013 21:40

diddl She's definately not physically abusive but I believe she may be guilty of emotional abuse. She is highly manipulative and would cry and lock herself in rooms when he won't do as she wants. DN2 is extremely spoilt and entitled. They have already been summoned to school as DN2 has been bullying another child. Of course in their eyes the school have blown it out of proportion and DN2 is the one that is being victimized.

OP posts: