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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be utterly horrified and disgusted at my brother!

203 replies

FamilyTroubles · 05/02/2013 13:55

Long story with so much background that it would be the length of War and Peace if I was to include it all! Basically my DB has been married twice and has a child to each marriage. His eldest DC lives some distance from him (think complete opposite ends of the country) involving a plane or long train journey.

He still keeps in touch with his DC1 and has her every school holiday and would be excellent at paying maintenance and would send pocket money and contribute extra towards school trips, uniforms and new shoes/clothes. However his second wife does not have a good relationship with DN and has said publicly that she feels it is disruptive for her and their child when she visits and she resents the amount money my DB contributes towards DN. MY DN1 and DN2 don't appear to have any kind of relationship and blatantly ignore each other when they are together.

So there is some background information. Cutting to last night when DN1 was admitted to hospital with a life threatening condition. She is absolutely terrified and is asking for her father (my DB). My DB is refusing to go as he has apparently no money and SIL has said she will not loan him any as she can't spare any (they have separate finances, DB pays the mortgage and bulk of household bills whilst she covers things for herself and their child). My DM has stepped in and said she will pay the airfare but DB has said that SIL is not happy for him to go and he must respect her wishes!

To say I am boiling with rage is an understatement, how anyone could treat their child inthat way at such worrying time is beyond me. Incidentally,I have taken emergency leave and got MIL to help out with my DC's so I can go tomorrow to see DN. So AIBU or should I just mind my own business?

OP posts:
TheNebulousBoojum · 05/02/2013 19:15

YANBU, he needs to leave the bastard and fight for both of his daughters. He's in an emotionally abusive relationship that is harmful to all those in it.
Your poor niece.

TheNebulousBoojum · 05/02/2013 19:17

Oops. I meant that he should fight for the right to be a proper father to both of them. Blush

Uppermid · 05/02/2013 19:22

You a bitch you sil is. A nasty piece of work, your db is in a difficult situation if she's like that but he needs to realise that his dd comes first, not her.

God forbid anything happens to her he'll never forgive himself, and he shouldn't.

Uppermid · 05/02/2013 19:22

What a bitch, not you a bitch!

mollymawk · 05/02/2013 19:23

This is so sad. Hope your niece recovers soon.

StuntGirl · 05/02/2013 19:23

Your brother is an absolute spineless shit.

And his wife? Well, there no words for that heartless bitch.

I'm so glad for your niece that the rest of her family are rallying around her. I wish her a speedy recovery and all of you the strength to get through this Thanks

If this were my brother I'd be having some serious, serious fucking words and an absolute re-think of my relationship with him. And my brother is probably one of my best friends in the world, but I'd still cut him out if he behaved this atrociously.

DizzyZebra · 05/02/2013 19:40

I can't stop coming back to this. Your niece is in my thoughts, please come back with good news about her condition.

Thank god she has you and the rest of your family.

Also, link her this thread so she can see what we think of her and spineless db.

DizzyZebra · 05/02/2013 19:40

Sorry, link sil this thread, not dn

maxmillie · 05/02/2013 19:46

This is one of the most sad and depressing stories I have seen on MN. really hope your DN is ok OP.

Theshriekingharpy · 05/02/2013 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbarianMum · 05/02/2013 19:57

She's not denying him access though, is she (unless she's got him under lock and key). However vile she is, he's the one choosing not to go.

GroupieGirl · 05/02/2013 20:03

Just wanted to add my support for what you're doing OP and my hopes for your neice.

ledkr · 05/02/2013 20:06

They both sound utter cunts tbh.
The only good thing is that they are stuck together in a needy, non supportive sham of a relationship.
I hope your niece is ok.

ThingummyBob · 05/02/2013 20:13

Family, I just wanted to add my two pence worth for you.

My dd has a father who is a total twat like your brother but his sisters and mum have always been supportive of both dd and I.

Their unfailing loyalty to their niece/gd (dd) has meant that over the years we have forged a bond and I consider them as part of our extended family, and vice versa.

I have found their support to be massively rewarding especially when I know they don't see or hear from dds father any more then we do.

Just so you know.

You can't make up for the fact that your brother is being a knob, but your support and love (and your mums) will be appreciated I'm sure.

Have some Thanks for being a kind and caring aunt.

NopeStillNothing · 05/02/2013 20:23

For the first time in a long time, I am speechless! Please keep us updated OP. I'm not wasting another thought on your cunt of a brother but sincerely hope things turn out ok for your poor DN Sad

MrsOakenshield · 05/02/2013 20:30

so if your DB did the right thing, what would cuntSIL do, exactly? Other than scream, rant, rage and with any luck make your DB realize how awful she is and head for a solicitor asap, once DN1 is safe, and ensure he gets custody rather than leave his child with this utter loon? I mean, what exactly is her hold over him? I don't know anything about this kind of thing but it sounds like domestic abuse of some sort? Or is it simply your DB being too utterly feeble for words?

I would text him again and point out that he is likely to be kissing his relationship with DN1, and maybe his DM, goodbye (and definitely his relationship with you!).

Original poster
FamilyTroubles · 05/02/2013 20:35

Well better news this evening! They have managed to stabilise DN's condition and she is out of danger. Her condition will mean she will be on medication for the rest of her life and still has the potential to be life threatening if not monitored closely and if DN doesn't look after herself and take the medication. Can't see that happening as she's a sensible girl. She'll stay in hospital for at least another week.

Not heard anything from DB but he has put it on Facebook about DN which is resulting in lot's of sympathetic replies which are making me particularly stabby and even more outraged!

OP posts:
HecateWhoopass · 05/02/2013 20:37

He did WHAT?

He couldn't be arsed to actually be there for his child when she needed him, but he's after sympathy and attention for himself on the back of her potentially fatal illness?

Oh, I would SO be plastering that bit of info all over the bloody place. I don't care how undignified it is.

Damned arsewipe.

QuietNinjaTardis · 05/02/2013 20:40

Thank god she's out of danger! Think mumsnet are more worried about her than your brother. Maybe you should post on his face book asking when he's gonna get his sorry ass to hospital to see her. Just so everyone who's being sympathetic can see what a fuckface he is.

Uppermid · 05/02/2013 20:42

What quietninja said

Squitten · 05/02/2013 20:42

Glad she's out of danger!

I think I would also be asking on that status why he's not gone to visit her since she's do ill and asking for her father. Your bridges with these nasty people are already burning so you have nothing to lose and he deserves for his friends to see what a twat he is.

Original poster
FamilyTroubles · 05/02/2013 20:44

Hecate & QuietNinja believe me I am extremely tempted to point this out but I will not lower myself to have a public slanging match on FB, which is what will happen when SIL sees my comment!!

OP posts:
FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 05/02/2013 20:45

I am Shock at this.

Agree that you should pull him up on his Facebook status for all the world to see.

Arsewipe Angry

MadamGazelleIsMyMum · 05/02/2013 20:48

Disgraceful. I am a stepmum as well as a mum and am astounded that your DB has allowed his wife to make him take this position. If I ever did that ( not that i would) I would expect DH to leave me.

dinkystinky · 05/02/2013 20:51

So glad she's out of danger - really hope she will be OK in the longterm on the meds. As for your brother and FB - well, that is crass beyond belief. Delete and block him from FB.

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