Private schools - want to shout IT'S NOT FAIR!

[Yermina]

Went to PIL last night and heard all about sil's children's school. One of her boys is already attending a fantastic private school. Just found out his two brothers have also got places at very good private schools.

In the mean time my dc's are in classes of 31 at the local state school. My youngest needs additional support (sn) but isn't statemented (diagnosed but no statement) so doesn't get it. SIL's middle child has got into a mainstream private school that has outstanding support for children with dyslexia, which he's been diagnosed with. And will be in classes of 18.

Our middle ds is musically talented but there is really poor provision for music teaching at his state school and very few children there are learning an instrument. We struggle to pay for music lessons for him outside school.

Is it wrong of me to feel eaten up with jealousy and anger at the unfairness of a school system which privileges the children of well-off people so openly and seemingly without anyone else seeing it as something that's wrong or deeply, deeply unfair?

How would you explain to a group of children: you lot over here will have XXXX spent on your education, and lots of opportunity to develop your talents, and you lot over there will have about half as much spent on you, and will have much less attention from the teacher because there'll be twice as many of you in the class. Oh, and you kids with sn or specific gifts - unless your parents have money, you probably won't get the help you need to thrive educationally.

I know it's the way the world is but at the moment I feel bitter about it. Really really bitter. And jealous

Every time I go to my PIL's and have to hear about all the amazing thing SIL's dcs are doing at their school, their academic achievements, I want to go home and hide under the duvet and cry.

We'll never, ever be able to afford private education. We'll never be able to afford to move to an area with really good state schools. We'll never be able to get our children into church schools as we're not church goers, and our local grammar schools (2) are bursting at the seams with children from the local private prep schools, who bus their students in to take the 11+ en mass.

It's just so fucking unfair. It really is. I just want to get that off my chest.

That is all.

Where live very hard working Asian families (if we are talking about Asian families here and I may be wrong) are a huge segment of those paying school fees. Usually if you pool living costs with family you have more spare income to pay fees thus Asian culture (if indeed that it the one we are talking about here) often makes school fees easier, not harder, to pay as does working for yourself rather than being an employee. They usually make better choices of careers too - I saw them year after year only allowing the children to the career stands at school for lawyer, doctor and dentist, and very wise too.

We all make choices. Three of my children got music scholarships. One went to a school where a parent taught and only paid 15% of the fees in consequence. Some who are close to granny find the grandparents can pay. Also the biggest issue is women ceasing work. If they kept working full time they would sometimes be able to pay school fees.

"better choices of careers" ?

So, essential jobs that aren't highly paid are 'poor' choices?

chocoluvva, Xenia; Xenia, Chocoluvva - I assume you haven't met?

Lol Nit

Shit! So if I hadn't have been made redundant I could've sent DC to private school!
I obviously made a 'poor' career choice to be a teacher.

"Three of my children got music scholarships"

'I made 5-7am my window for one to one time with the children'.

Aaaaaagh!

Silly you, Tufty - you should have been an entrepreneur.

It'd be amazing to see all those private school teachers work their magic with massive classes full of disaffected teenagers from the local estates.

Yeah they probably wouldn't work their magic. But do the teachers from scumsack comprehensive work their magic on massive classes of disaffected teenagers? Doubt it. On the other hand the teachers at scumsack comprehensive would do pretty well with the private school kids if they did a swap. Interested kids backed by supportive parents. A winning combination.

I have to admit there are certain posters I just pretend aren't there

Scum sack? Right oh. I'm now going to refer to all hypothetical and real private schools as Entitlement Manor, I think.

Unless some people are prepared to make "poor career choices" there won't be any schools to send the next generation of children to.

Where does the Asian thing come from, anyway?

The only chance to change the system is to vote wisely at the next election. However, whatever, happens it will take a while before it trickles down and really makes a change to children's lives.

In the meantime, it is a matter of being pragmatic and to look for solutions.
Either get the money to send them to private schools. Yes, I do agree, that there are brilliant private schools.

If you cannot find the money one way or another, then you have to make do with the state system, as the majority of us parents actually do on a daily basis. Some schools are brilliant, some are awful. There are big issues with state education, such as:

• lack of resources
• large classes
• children with no encouragement/support from home who totally disrespect the teacher
• children who are very keen to learn
• children who need lots of extra support which may not be there
• teachers who have lost all interest and feel demotivated
• teachers who love the job and are very enthusiastic and motivated
• parents who support the school
• parents who can't care less

State schools are a mix of the above unlike most private schools.

However, a child attending state schools is not condemned to failure. Child and parents may have to work harder, but if both are motivated and keen to work WITH the school, it should be possible for the child to achieve his or her potential.

My dc are in state education. I am confident that both will do very well. I do do lots of stuff at home though. In my view it is perfectly possible to help not only at primary school level but also at secondary school level. There are lots of resources available on the internet, Blackwells etc. if you want to help your child with A levels. Where there's a will, there's a way.

Scum sack? Right oh. I'm now going to refer to all hypothetical and real private schools as Entitlement Manor, I think.

Not my words. Originally quoted from the op.

I like the reality show idea. I expect scumsack kidz would run the Latin masters ragged within two days and Eager Beaverites from the private school would sit up and work so hard that teechaz at scumsack would ryun out of teahcing material within two days (happened to me the first time I taught in a public school. Very embarrassing. Not used to every hand shooting up to answer quyestions. had allowed time to explain everything but they all understood what I was getting at witghin seconds. We covered three sessions worth of material in half a session and I busked the rest, which they spotted and weren't impressed by.

It's true. I don't want little racings atlocal comp because I don't want them mixing with underachievers who resent hard work and concentration. Does that make me a snob? I'm very happy indeed for their best mates at private school to be the bursary kids from single parent families from a local estate, if those children love learning and engage and support each other.It's the attitude I'm escaping from, having gone to a local comp and hated it, not the social class but the staggeringly, aggressively low expectations.

Question of priorities. Must be sorted early on.

-What do you want out of your life, my dear early teen?

-I want to travel a lot and stay in 5*hotels and have fast cars and live in a big houses and have nice shiny girlfriends, Mummy. (Substitute nice shiny boyfriends for daughters).

-Well, my dear early teen, if that's what you want, then the following career choices would be considered wise: layer, doctor etc etc ad nauseam. ie, choose your own favourites while keeping eye on the expected salary.

-Mummy, how can I get to be x,y,z?

-My darling early teen, you need to study hard and get the best grades possible. Then you must work even harder to get into good university. Then continue to work hard...

-But Mummy, that sounds too difficult.

-Well, then, my dear early teen. If working really hard is not for you, then we have to adjust your dreams and aspirations accordingly. No hard work, no fast shiny cars and big houses etc. Make your choice, my dear early teen.

Realistic expectations.

Nobody says that being a nurse or teacher is not hard work or is not important. I believe teachers are the backbone of society and should be looked upon as such and remunerated accordingly. the embarrassing fact that they are not speaks volumes of the values held by society.

OriginalSteamingNit Yes I was wondering about that. Xenia "They" usually make better choices, I saw "them" good grief! Did you ever talk to "them"???? DDs friends used to jokes amongst themselves at the pressure some of their Asian parents put on them to be Doctors, Lawyers... And a friend admitted that at least in her North London community it is finally being appreciated that forcing academic DCs down the medicine track when they have no vocation (in one of DD's friends cases hates dirt) is just filling up Biochemistry courses................

you know the asian thing?

I'm really hoping it doesn't come from the name "yermina" and the idea of caring for your old folks...

They did a school exchange thing, I remember it. There were no surprises.

Scholarships these days are around 10% Bursaries are astonishingly hard to come by.

Every argument seems to lead to the same outcome. If you want a good education cor your children you need to either:-
A - Ferry them to clubs, activities & tutors (or tutor them yourself of course) to fill in the state system gaps
B - Move to a cheap area & them to a good private school with good facilities & after school clubs so that they can be there 9-5.30 every day while you work to provide the cash for this option
C - emigrate, as the state system here will never provide for all your child's needs!

I chose B & will not be changing my mind soon.

Once again- do people really think that you only get good results from private schools? really?

"It's true. I don't want little racings atlocal comp because I don't want them mixing with underachievers who resent hard work and concentration. Does that make me a snob?"

No. But it does make you colossally blinkered and ill informed!

More likely to get a top up bursary if you have a scholarship

Come on, people, why don't we just accept that in a free, liberal society people can choose to spend their money on school fees if they want and just . . .

. . .put VAT on school fees, so that a bit more gets fed into some of the shite schools out there.

If you're looking for a progressive tax that isn't going to hurt the economy, or tip anyone over the edge, surely it's a no-brainer?

It also makes you deeply insensitive to express it like that- unless you are assuming that you aren't talking to state school parents. Perhaps because you can't get our head round us being literate!